He Asked For It!
“Look at it this way. I am telling you to use your imagination to please me. I won’t hold it against you or be angry with you. It will give me pleasure for you to serve me. ”
In my most recent post I used butterflies to symbolize the change in my life. I am starting to think I should get a butterfly permanently tattooed on my body because things are ever changing. My relationship with Will is turning into something we never planned for or intended in the beginning. The initial aim of our relationship was purely going to be platonic sex. Well, we realized that there was much more there than just a relationship of casual sex. We became and are lovers. Now he has asked something of me that I never imagined.
He and I sat and talked in the sun room last weekend over coffee. It’s what we do on a Sunday morning after I’ve spent the night with him. We were just chatting and snuggling when I looked up at him and said with sincerity “you are the first person I have felt completely comfortable around. You are the first person I have fully given myself to.” He smiled and kissed me. And it’s true. I never gave myself fully to Tab because I didn’t trust him. I never fully gave myself to anyone else, for that matter, because I never felt as though I could be free to be me. I am highly complex and cannot be defined by even a conundrum of terms. I have always had to reserve who I am and compromise for my partners of the past. Things are different now. Much different.
I have been friends with his wife for over a year now and she has seen my worst moments. The ones before I moved back home to New Orleans. She never once judged me and always encouraged me to be who I am, flaws and all. I was always afraid to, but I found that living with these flaws and accepting them helped me to mend them and better myself. When she and I met face to face about two months ago I was a different person and I am different even today. The fact of the matter is that she is pretty much the only person that knew me then and stuck with me. She is the first person I felt fully comfortable being me around. And she still is along with her husband.
I have training in high protocol and service. I learned from Gabriel while I was under his mentorship. Granted, I haven’t learned everything I know from him, but a lot of my mannerisms and the way I hold myself come from him and being a member of his House. When I fully let go, I am completely subservient. Alright, mostly. I still retain my attitude and my right to say “screw you, I am NOT blowing the dog.” Read more…