So yesterday, M’s coworker asked him what we’re doing for Valentine’s Day.

M said, “Nothing.”

We live paycheck to paycheck and M gets paid on the 15th and 30th every month, so our Valentine’s Days usually look like this:
Wake up around 8:30am. Smooch and snuggle in bed for a few minutes.
I get up and make breakfast for us and the cats.
M gets up when breakfast is ready and starts working, eating while he works.
I clean.
I read.
I tweet.
I write.
I make lunch and M eats while he works.
I hang out with the cats.
I talk to M when he’s got a free moment.
I play video games.
One of us makes dinner. If we’re lucky, M gets to stop working, but that’s rare. Often, he eats dinner while he works.
We usually have sex.
We watch TV or a movie or play video/board/card games.
We go to bed. Read more…

Gandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 60:

I’ve been collared by my dom for almost a year, now. This is our first Valentine’s Day together. We’ve been poly since day one, and both of us were poly before we met because neither of us really enjoys monogamy. Until recently, though, neither of us was seeing anyone else.

Now we both have secondary partners, but have agreed that our relationship with each other comes first. And then he made plans for Valentine’s Day with his girlfriend without consulting me. I wouldn’t mind, except it appears that she’s managed to figure out a way to monopolize the entire day, rather than share it with me, and my dom is all, “First come, first serve, Jellybean.” I made plans with my girlfriend, too, but they were only for a small part of the day, as I figured my dom would want to spend some time with me on Valentine’s Day. I guess I was wrong.

I don’t know what to do. I’m feeling snubbed and unwanted, and I keep thinking…if he likes her so much more, why doesn’t he just go be with her? I’ve never been in a poly relationship like this, where the girlfriend intentionally tried to push me out. Can you help me?

I’ll do my best with what information I have.

So if it were me, I’d be reacting very similarly. I understand the snubbed and unwanted feeling. It can be hard to share special days with your partner’s other partners, and doubly so since this is your first Valentine’s Day together. Read more…