Gandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 17:

Everyone’s always talking about “topping from the bottom”, and how a submissive should never do it. There are things I feel I need, but I’m afraid to ask for them because I don’t want to be a “bad submissive” and disappoint my top. What is topping from the bottom and how do I avoid it?

I get so tired of hearing this phrase. Mostly because the first time I heard it, it was from a bunch of catty submissive women on IRC sitting in a private room for “the elite” going on and on about this slave or that slave who isn’t really a slave because she tops from the bottom all the time. Read more…

A while back, Kaya posted a question asking whether or not it can be considered submission if the owner always only makes the submissive do things he or she wants to do. I might have already answered it. I really don’t remember.

Over on her site, I said:

Well… If that’s the case, what happens when you run out of things you won’t do?

I dunno, kiddo.

And then I started thinking about my friend and her post about the little orders her owner gives her to keep her in an active happy sub place. Which then brought me to Kaya’s recent post about topping from the bottom. And then it all got mixed up in my head and I started wondering if I top from the bottom. Either because neither of us have noticed it or because Master allows it because he doesn’t mind so much.

And is it “topping from the bottom” if it’s not my fault? Like, if I made a suggestion and he liked the idea and decided to go with it? Or if I’m just rambling away about how I’d do it if it were me and my way was more logical (yes, I realize how improbable that is. work with me!) so he went with it?  Read more…