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NS(K)Q: Q66 – Embarrassed By Masturbation

May 6th, 2016 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 66:

I like to masturbate as much as the next girl, but I’ve never really been one to masturbate in front of people. It’s never been an issue until I entered into my current relationship. I love my mistress, but she’s really into watching me masturbate and I’m really uncomfortable with the whole thing. I get really embarrassed and sometimes I cry. I never cum. It’s really disheartening. I want to be able to share everything with her. How do I get past this masturbation shyness?

This is actually something that’s really close to my heart. I have never been 100% comfortable masturbating in front of people. And since I generally don’t get off from penetration alone, that means I have to either sneak off to the bathroom for a wank, or masturbate in front of my partner. And since I’m not allowed to sneak off for a wank anymore, I’ve had to learn to get over it.

For my part, I spend a lot of time reminding myself that masturbation isn’t bad. Society’s belief that women should masturbate is stupid. All creatures masturbate. Masturbation is beautiful. Read more…

NS(K)Q: Q48 – Cumming Kills the Party

February 20th, 2015 1 comment

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 48:

I know you say there are no stupid questions, but I feel like this is a REALLY stupid question.

I’m the Dom, and I’ve been doing D/s with my wife (of several years) for several months now, and I always have the same problem.

I’m a sadist and I really love to work on her. I love bondage and humiliation and she gets off on both. The problem is that after I come, I turn into a peacenik; I just can’t bring myself to hit or hurt or command or demand. If my sub is in predicament when I come, I instinctively rip her out of it like I’m rescuing her from Snively Whiplash. It’s a real scene killer.

How do I keep the kink going post-orgasm? Writing it out like this makes it seem silly, but it really is starting to be an issue.

Actually, this is pretty common. For many (top or bottom), sadomasochistic fantasies are wholly driven by sexual desire. Once that sexual desire is fulfilled, many find they’re no longer interested, or are embarrassed or ashamed by their fantasies. Read more…

NS(K)Q: Q41 – What’s the difference?

November 20th, 2014 2 comments

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 41:

What’s the difference between a submissive and a slave?

There was an article floating around somewhere that said, “A submissive is a volunteer. A slave is not.” That sums it up quite nicely.

There are three main labels, for lack of a better word, used to identify those of us who enjoy being the one tied up and spanked. They are “bottom,” “submissive,” and “slave.” These days, “submissive” and “bottom” each have two meanings, really. They’re both used as a heading to describe all bottom-types in BDSM relationships, some folks feeling like “bottom” is a better heading because not all bottoms are submissive. They also each have their own definition.

Everyone defines these labels differently based on their own experience and relationships. But this is how I understand them: Read more…

No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 25 – Titles

February 12th, 2014 1 comment

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 25:

I don’t get it. I mean, I get some of it. But explain those titles to me. You can’t possibly mean what you’re saying…can you? Are slaves really…slaves?

Okay, I’m gonna go with the most basic titles, since the rest you’ll hear are generally just variations of these.

These are the most basic, vague definitions of the most used terms in BDSM circles. Let’s start with the switch… Read more…

NS(K)Q: Q24 – How to Tell When No Means No

February 1st, 2014 2 comments

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 24:

I’ve recently become involved with a submissive who has a habit of saying “no” when they really mean “yes”. A couple of times, I’ve backed off because they said no, and they got upset because they expected me to know they didn’t mean it. I’m kind of concerned because this could just as easily go the other way, and then I’m an accidental rapist because I haven’t learned how to read them, yet. I’d really like to avoid this. How do I know they’re saying no and mean it?

First, let me commend you for addressing this before you become an accidental rapist. A lot of people, these days, are “we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it” people, and in this case, that’s no good. Especially when one considers the fact that, in some cases, consent is the only thing standing between BDSM and assault.

You can go a couple ways with this, depending on the dynamic and boundaries of your relationship, and you and your partner’s wants and needs. So here’s my question.

Do you enjoy playing with consensual-nonconsent? That is, when your partner says, “no,” and doesn’t actually mean it, does it get you off to push beyond that no? Read more…

No Stupid (Kink) Questions

August 21st, 2011 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Rayne brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for Rayne, drop it in the form below. Just let Rayne know if you don’t want your name mentioned.