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Posts Tagged ‘sex-positive’

In the News: #OrgasmQuest and the Dreaded Question

January 27th, 2015 2 comments

Screen Shot 2015-01-26 at 1.12.18 PM

tl;dr: The awesome Crista Anne is fighting depression with an #OrgasmQuest, and even Dr. Drew is intrigued.

That up there is an amazing lady named Crista Anne. She’s a mom of four. She wrestles with depression and social anxiety. She does battle with fibromyalgia and migraines. And though she has always been a very sexual creature, she finds herself on an orgasm quest to end anorgasmia.

Crista Anne was once described by sex educator Ashley Manta thusly:

“She was a vision in rainbow. Like Lisa Frank and Rainbow Brite had hot sex and Crista was the result.”

I can’t think of a better description. Read more…

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Why I Do Not Support CatalystCon and Probably Never Will

April 11th, 2014 6 comments
SheVibe Sex Educators Poster

used with SheVibe’s permission – click to enlarge

The audio of the closing keynote has been posted since the publishing of this article. You can find it here.

This is a long one. tl;dr I’ll not be attending or supporting CatalystCon until its leaders prove to me and the rest of the sex positive community that they actually stand behind the things they claim to believe, and are not just paying them lip service.

So we all know I didn’t actually attend CatalystCon (CCON) this year, right? I mean, I’ve never been. I’ve never really felt invited or welcome. Something about a drunk hooker joke, and my unpopular opinions.

I considered going this year anyway, because some really cool people that I really enjoy working with and talking to online were going to be there; like the crew over at SheVibe, and Tantus, and a couple bloggers we all know and love. But when it came down to it, my social anxiety and the knowledge that M would be so incredibly bored (and probably incredibly annoyed) won out, so I didn’t attempt to talk him into it beyond bringing it up once or twice in passing. “Oh, we could stay at Mom’s and drive into the city every day. Make a week of it at Mom’s, and end it with the con, ya know?” Read more…

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What’s the point?

September 13th, 2009 4 comments
Abuse vs. SM pamphlet from the Leather Archives and Museum

Abuse v. SM Pamphlet from Leather Archives and Museum

I have a hard time, sometimes, writing for Eden Cafe.  Not because I don’t like to.  On the contrary.  I’m really grateful for the opportunity.  But writing for Eden Cafe is a little more difficult than writing here.

There, I can’t just say whatever I want to.  I have to tiptoe around the scary parts.  I have to be confident and concise in my explanations.  There should be a point to everything I say.  I can’t just ramble on like I usually do here.  And I can’t, for one second, talk about the days where I’d just as soon crawl under a rock and die as obey for one more second.  Usually over something stupid, like not wanting to wash dishes.

I can almost guarantee the complaints after a post like that would get me shut down in the blink of an eye.

Because to a lot of people, there is no such thing as consensual non-consent.  There is a fine line I have to walk to make sure these people – some of whom haven’t even heard of a true-to-life M/s couple that wasn’t a prostitution ring – leave with a better understanding of how we live.  A more positive outlook on the choice we’ve made.  And not an image of a downtrodden doormat who has no way out.

The other day, I was thinking about my reasoning for writing over at Eden Cafe.  A deeper reason than the sex toys, I mean.  What I’m hoping to accomplish.  The thought process behind my asking Master if He minded, and then applying.  And anyway, when I applied I was already getting sex toys in the mail.

I don’t usually throw my hat in the ring like that.  I sit back and hope someone will notice me and offer me what I want.  It ties into that whole lack of self-confidence thing.  I think I’m boring.  I assume everyone else thinks I’m boring.  And I’m genuinely surprised when I find out that someone, anyone thinks I’m interesting.

So there has to be a motivating factor.  Especially since I would be posting about such a controversial subject.  And M/s is still a controversial subject.

The site appears to have a bit of vanilla contributors who maybe, if you catch them in the right mood, on a day where the weather is perfect, might enjoy having their wrists tied with a silk scarf and their hind quarters spanked with a furry paddle if they had the opportunity to try it.  But what we do is way over the top for them.  If I ran into them on the street and told them who I was, some of them would probably try to tell me I’m abused.

You think we don’t know what some vanilla folks think of us? We watch The Practice and CSI and Law and Order, too.  We read the news.  We see places like the bed and breakfast nearby get shut down because people don’t “get it” (or because some of the players acted like buffoons – three sides to every story).  Read more…

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Making a Commitment to Sex

July 23rd, 2009 3 comments

One of Master’s biggest complaints, lately, has been that I’m cold.  Distant.

I don’t touch Him often.  I rarely, if ever, initiate sex.  If I kiss Him, it’s often because He was making kissy faces at me.  I’ve gotten really uncomfortable with all things intimate.

And I don’t let anyone else touch me.  Never have, really.  I will avoid touching people as if grazing against them will mean my death.  So it’s not like I’m interested in getting the attention elsewhere or have lost interest in getting it from Him.  I’ve just gotten really uncomfortable with all things intimate.

I get embarrassed when I talk about sex.  I can’t talk about anyone’s genitals without stuttering or turning beat red or blurting the words out like I’m trying to shock you.  It’s really that I’m shocked they’re coming out of my mouth.

And I’m really not sure why this is.

Yeah… My parents treated sex like it should be a secret.  But in three months with Master, I had gotten over that.  In three months with Master, I was embarrassing Him with the things that would come out of my mouth.

And then, a few years ago, talking about sex started to embarrass me.  Pain started to become something I couldn’t handle.  Being a slave became something I should be embarrassed by.

I’m not sure where it came from.  Maybe because I stopped interacting with people in the BDSM and sex-positive communities.  Maybe because the only people I knew were vanilla and kept their sex lives private.  Maybe because people kept telling me how I was living was wrong. Read more…

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