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Posts Tagged ‘scene’

NS(K)Q: Q64 – Scene Didn’t Feel Right

March 18th, 2016 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 64:

I’m new to the scene, and I recently met a dom. He’s really sweet, and has about five years experience. We played for a while at a party, and he was great with me, but…well, I left feeling like something was really wrong. Like I’d been taken advantage of. There were a couple times during the scene where I know I should have said something, but I didn’t. And then, when it was over, he just left, like it was nothing; I was nothing. Did I do something wrong? Did he?

It kinda sounds like you both did something wrong, but hey, it happens. Which isn’t to say it’s nothing; it’s not nothing. But it also isn’t the end of the world. I usually try to chalk situations like this up as a learning experience.

The first thing I want to tell you is that you always, ALWAYS have the right to speak up if something happens in a scene that you don’t like. Most good dominants will expect you to speak up, and will actually be disappointed (and maybe a little hurt) if they find out that you didn’t. Read more…

Kinktionary: Sub Drop

March 17th, 2016 Comments off
Joelle Hood All Fours Frame Alt on elaisted.com

Joelle Hood All Fours Frame Alt on elaisted.com

There is a negative in all good things. In consensual BDSM play, that negative is sub drop.

Sub drop is a negative reaction to the end (temporary or permanent) of BDSM play. Often, it presents itself as depression or anxiety, but can also present as anger, feeling lost. How sub drop manifests depends on the person.

Part of the reason BDSM is enjoyed is because it increases endorphin production. Endorphins bind to the same receptors as opioids, which explains why subspace sounds a lot like being high. Your body reacts to endorphins the same way it would heroin.

Sub drop is a direct result of endorphin withdrawal. It can take 24 to 36 hours to notice symptoms. Many believe sub drop can be avoided by implementing aftercare after a play session.

Because sub drop is endorphin withdrawal, it can often be treated with a piece of chocolate, some exercise, or more play.

Got a suggestion for our Kinktionary? Leave it in comments or email it to rayne@insatiabledesire.com with “Kinktionary” in the subject!

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NS(K)Q: Q45 – How long should I wait?

January 9th, 2015 2 comments

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 45:

So, I’m pretty new to the community. I’ve been attending local munches for a few months and just recently went to my first play party. I played for the first time with a guy I had met casually at the previous munches. It was amazing and he was great. My issue is I want to play with him again and while he did say he would like to play again we just left it there. How long should I wait to ask him to play again? Should I wait for him to bring it up or wait until we meet up again at a munch or play party?

So the important thing to remember is kinky dating (or play partnering, as the case may be) is just like vanilla dating. I’m sure that, just like with everything else, some people have a million and one “rules” for kinky dating, but I’ve always been one to buck the system. This whole thing is supposed to be consensual, and based on what all parties involved want and need, so from where I sit, all that matters is what you’re comfortable with. Read more…