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Posts Tagged ‘relationship’

My Get Up and Go Got Up and Went

October 6th, 2017 1 comment

Motivation is a major problem for me. As in, I have 0 personal motivation to do anything. People look at my list of diagnoses (chronic clinical depression, severe anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder [BPD]), and go, “Well, duh,” but it’s really bothering me.

I’ve basically become a housewife. I don’t really work with/for anyone, anymore.

It’s partly because when I’m going through shit, I start dropping the ball, and instead of explaining myself to the people I work with, I mostly just stop talking to them. I’m sure they see me posting on social media, and think I’m fine, everything’s fine, I’m just blowing them off. But it’s not like that at all. In reality, I’m a mess, everything’s crazy1, and the only way I know how to cope is to retreat inside myself and shut everyone out but M. I know that’s crazy unprofessional, and I have no excuse besides mental illness. And in truth, I don’t think that should excuse my behavior. It wouldn’t in an actual work setting, so why should it anywhere else?

Of course, there are some exceptions, like the company I told I was going on hiatus right after their system changed. I lost my login info while on hiatus, so I asked them for help, and they told me they “forgot” how to get it, offered to direct me to a blogger, and then I never heard from them again outside of mass affiliate emails. It felt very much like I was being blown off, so I’ve since removed their banner from my sidebar. I haven’t removed their other links because I really liked working with them, and would love to again, but we’re in a serious money crunch, so if I’m going to promote sales again, it’s going to be for companies I can potentially make a commission from, and not one that won’t even help me figure out how to get into my affiliate account. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Read more…

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Last Saturday

June 30th, 2017 Comments off

When we moved here, we left our grill by the road at the old place because it was super greasy, so we didn’t want it in the U-Haul, or our car. Plus, parts of it were rusting out, and the burner cover basically disintegrated when we tried to take it out to clean it. I’m pretty sure the neighbors we liked grabbed it despite the fact that it was falling apart. M says K probably just got some scrap metal and rebuilt the parts that were rusting. He’s probably right. K’s that kind of guy.

So on Friday, we bought a new grill. We actually bought it before Friday, and drove into another Middle of Nowhere town to pick it up at the store on Friday because they have this sweet discount if you do that. And the grill was on sale. After the pick up discount and sale price, we spent $20 more than we did on our last grill, and $20 less for the grill cover than we did for the last one, and they are both a hundred times better than the old grill and cover. I love it when that happens. It happens to us a lot because we wait FOR-E-VER to replace things, so by the time we do, everything is manufactured better for less money.

When we got home, we put the grill together. It took over an hour because some of the screw holes weren’t lined up correctly, and the parts weren’t all labeled. It was frustrating, but we threw teamwork at it, and got it done. Then I threw together some really amazing blue cheese burgers, and he cooked burgers on the grill for the first time in nine and a half months.

I’d say I may never go out for burgers again, but beef of any sort is rarely ever cheaper than $4-5/lb out here, so we’ve cut back our beef intake by a lot. It’s weird how much cheaper food is in the city. You’d think it would be cheaper in the country because, theoretically, it doesn’t have to go as far.

We didn’t stay out long, Friday night, because I am a freakin mosquito magnet, and I have a tendency to dig my skin off when I get bitten.

On Saturday, he really, REALLY wanted to kill zombies. Read more…

NS(K)Q: Q69 – Disappearing Mistress

January 16th, 2017 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 69:

Recently, my mistress and I went from d/s to m/s. I’ve never been a slave before, but I thought I’d give it a shot. Problem is, now that I’m a “slave,” she just up and disappears for weeks without giving me any indication of where she’s going, or how long she’ll be gone. Or she’ll tell me she’s going to the store, and show back up at my house three days later. She doesn’t call, or take/return my calls while she’s gone. Is this normal? Because I don’t know if I can be a slave if this is normal.

No, this is not normal.

Being the M in a M/s relationship does not absolve a body of responsibility to the s in the relationship.

Imma say it again for the people in the back.

Being the M in a M/s relationship does not absolve a body of responsibility to the s in the relationship. Read more…

NS(K)Q: Q68 – Passionate Disagreements

January 9th, 2017 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 68:

So the other day, my owner and I had a huge fight. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s painful. This time, I can’t bring myself to back down. Something happened outside of our relationship that caused some issues for me, and I wanted to stand up for myself, but he wouldn’t let me. I’m angry, and hurt, and I feel like he doesn’t care about what happens to me. How do you handle things like this? Am I overreacting?

That’s rough. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time, right now.

Without knowing the whole situation, I can’t really say whether or not you’re overreacting. I mean, if the something that happened is something small, like someone accidentally stepped on your toe and didn’t cause any damage, then yeah…you’re overreacting a little bit. But if it’s something big, like being disrespected, or discriminated against, or abused in some way, then I feel like you’re not overreacting at all. Read more…

Are avocados aphrodisiacs? Cuz I think* I’m in love….

July 22nd, 2016 2 comments

I do this thing where I don’t put anything I actually want on the grocery list.

For example, I’ve recently become obsessed with this fake guacamole, that I make myself, which is really just a smashed avocado, some fresh squeezed lime juice, and a little homemade seasoning salt (with which I’ve also become obsessed).

I really am getting rather snobby with my fresh ingredients. I blame M. After all, it was his idea.

I use the fake guacamole as mayo, or eat the fake guacamole with corn chips, like you do. Usually Santitas because they’re $2 all day, every day, at every store.

So I do this thing where I don’t put any of those things on the grocery list.

I justify it thusly: I’m the slave. I’m the only one who eats avocados. And avocados go bad rather quickly. If, for some reason, I’m unable to eat them, I’ve wasted food and Master’s money, and that’s really shitty.

Thing is, I don’t add anything I want to the grocery list, including things that last for-freaking-ever, like peanut butter, or…well, I can’t think of anything else I eat that M doesn’t, right now, but I’m sure there’s something.

So this week, when we were grocery shopping, I got all sappy over the ingredients Master brought back. I sent him off for, like, tomatoes, or something, and he returned with a giant bag of Haas avocados.

He asked if I had limes, and I told him I didn’t, but that I would survive without them. Explained that I’d run out of limes before avocados, last time, and that the mashed avocado was pretty good with just seasoning salt, so it was NBD. He came back with a giant bag of limes, anyway. He’s so thoughtful.

Anyway…that’s all I wanted to talk about. I guess I’m getting sappy in my old age.

💜

Oh! Chili Cheese Fritos, Dr. Pepper, and pumpkin anything. Geez, they seem so obvious now.

*Lolololol of course I’m in love. “Think” sounded better. Also, yes, I realize aphrodisiacs make you horny, not in love. It was cute till you started dissecting it.

Middle School Wisdom As It Applies to BDSM

March 14th, 2016 Comments off

Most of the things I learned in middle school didn’t sink in until I was an adult. Like when Mom repeatedly pointed out that if I kept things semi-organized, my day would go a lot smoother, or when Dad told us, over and over, that if we did things the right way the first time, we wouldn’t have to stop doing something fun to do them again later.

When I was a kid, me and my dad used to butt heads a lot. A LOT. I was a budding feminist, you see, and my dad is a good ol’ boy from Texas.

I actually feel kind of bad for referring to him that way. He means well. We just don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things, and especially most things political.

I can’t say for sure, but I think he’ll vote blue if the GOP puts Trump up as their nominee, so I guess there’s that. Read more…

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