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Posts Tagged ‘relationship dynamic’

Sometimes, it’s not nice to be nice.

June 16th, 2017 Comments off

So I’ve been really slacking on the house. And on writing. And though I’ve been doing everything I can to be a good slave otherwise, slacking on the chores and writing is making me feel hella guilty.

Even more so because Master is being so damn nice about it.

He’s started doing this thing where he tries to point out that something needs done or isn’t being done as often/well as it should be in the nicest way possible. The other day, he was actually trying to say that something I’d done, that I hadn’t done in a while, looked really good, and he was appreciative. But he was trying to say it without making me feel bad for the time that I’d let it fall by the wayside.

And then, yesterday, I decided to pick up the bedroom and vacuum because he bought a new vacuum, and I wanted to use it. The old one is made for indoor/outdoor carpet and hard floors, and really doesn’t do much of anything on the carpet in this house. He didn’t really believe me when I told him that, but then this happened (Instagram post showing a small section of carpet that was just vacuumed and the full canister from the vacuum to exhibit just how bad the old vacuum is), so he believes me now. ANYway, I got really frustrated with myself because the bedroom was a disaster, and he basically started making excuses. I mean, they were true, but they were excuses just the same.

So, finally, I said, “Nah, dude, I’m fucking up.” Don’t try to make me feel better about fucking up. You’re the boss. It’s okay to just say, “Yo, you’re fucking up. Straighten up.” Yes, it will make me feel shitty, but…I mean…I did it to myself. Right? Right.

It’s sweet that he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings, but it’s completely unproductive. If there’s one thing that hasn’t changed in all of our 15 years (besides the fact that I’ll love him until my dying breath), it’s that I need boundaries and repercussions when I push them. Without them, I just keep pushing. As a friend use to say, you can’t submit in a vacuum. If he doesn’t care, what’s the point?

And that’s all I’ve got to say about that. 💜

Categories: rayne Tags:

Consent In Gorean Culture

August 5th, 2016 4 comments

Because of who I used to be, I feel like I should start by saying this is not an attack or me calling anyone out. I’m not mad at MrBLK. I don’t feel like MrBLK was attacking my lifestyle or me personally, and I’m not interested in attacking MrBLK. I’m just not that girl anymore.

I am pretty upset about the misconceptions (and sometimes, outright lies, but I feel like MrBLK told the truth as MrBLK sees it, and who could ask for anything more?) surrounding my lifestyle. I’m pretty upset with the entitled, misogynistic man-children (one of whom MrBLK is NOT) who have spread these misconceptions through their actions and words, both online and in real life Gorean circles. I’m here only to try to clear up the misconception that is most damning to the real life Gorean community: the issue of consent. /disclaimer

———

In the post, The curious case of Gor and BDSM, MrBLK gives a cursory explanation of Gor and Gorean culture. It’s pretty close to the reality of the fictional series, but MrBLK’s post confirmed something for me that I already knew. So many non-Gorean people walk away from Gorean communities with the impression that because consent is not discussed in the books, consent is not an issue in real life Gorean circles. This is simply not true.

As MrBLK pointed out, there are all sorts of concerning things about fictional life on Gor, not the least of which being the fact that Gorean society is patriarchal in every way, shape, and form. Read more…

Are avocados aphrodisiacs? Cuz I think* I’m in love….

July 22nd, 2016 2 comments

I do this thing where I don’t put anything I actually want on the grocery list.

For example, I’ve recently become obsessed with this fake guacamole, that I make myself, which is really just a smashed avocado, some fresh squeezed lime juice, and a little homemade seasoning salt (with which I’ve also become obsessed).

I really am getting rather snobby with my fresh ingredients. I blame M. After all, it was his idea.

I use the fake guacamole as mayo, or eat the fake guacamole with corn chips, like you do. Usually Santitas because they’re $2 all day, every day, at every store.

So I do this thing where I don’t put any of those things on the grocery list.

I justify it thusly: I’m the slave. I’m the only one who eats avocados. And avocados go bad rather quickly. If, for some reason, I’m unable to eat them, I’ve wasted food and Master’s money, and that’s really shitty.

Thing is, I don’t add anything I want to the grocery list, including things that last for-freaking-ever, like peanut butter, or…well, I can’t think of anything else I eat that M doesn’t, right now, but I’m sure there’s something.

So this week, when we were grocery shopping, I got all sappy over the ingredients Master brought back. I sent him off for, like, tomatoes, or something, and he returned with a giant bag of Haas avocados.

He asked if I had limes, and I told him I didn’t, but that I would survive without them. Explained that I’d run out of limes before avocados, last time, and that the mashed avocado was pretty good with just seasoning salt, so it was NBD. He came back with a giant bag of limes, anyway. He’s so thoughtful.

Anyway…that’s all I wanted to talk about. I guess I’m getting sappy in my old age.

💜

Oh! Chili Cheese Fritos, Dr. Pepper, and pumpkin anything. Geez, they seem so obvious now.

*Lolololol of course I’m in love. “Think” sounded better. Also, yes, I realize aphrodisiacs make you horny, not in love. It was cute till you started dissecting it.

Kinktionary: Kink

May 12th, 2016 Comments off
 found on elaisted.com

found on elaisted.com

Webster defines “kink” as “unconventional sexual taste or behavior”; in other words, a fetish. That’s probably the most used definition, especially in mainstream media.

In the kink community, “kink” is also used as a sort of catch all for nontraditional sex practices, fetishes, and relationship dynamics. Some well known kinks include (but definitely are not limited too) a foot fetish, BDSM play, water sports, master/slave relationship dynamics, and spankings.

Though BDSM is a kink, not everyone who is kinky is into BDSM.

You can find a user-created list of fetishes here on Fetlife (requires login, free registration). Keep in mind, though, that there are quite a few fetishes there that were created tongue-in-cheek and some that are inside jokes.

Got a suggestion for our Kinktionary? Leave it in comments or email it to rayne@insatiabledesire.com with “Kinktionary” in the subject!

NS(K)Q: Q65 (part 2) – Can a M/s dynamic exist when consent is revoked? (TW)

April 29th, 2016 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 65 (part 2):

Original post here. Can a master/slave dynamic exist once the slave revokes consent?

I realized after I posted the last NS(K)Q that I didn’t answer one of the questions asked. Can a master/slave dynamic exist once the slave revokes consent?

In truth, the only real answer here is “it depends.”

There are all sorts of variables, and all sorts of definitions of what a “master/slave dynamic” really is. Whether or not the dynamic can continue to exist depends entirely on the people involved. Read more…

Yes, we are looking for a unicorn. How’s that your problem?

March 9th, 2016 3 comments

One of my favorite things about the kink community is the surface-level acceptance for everyone’s kink. “Different strokes for different folks” is our mantra. “Your kink is not my kink, but that’s okay” is our creed.

In public kinky spaces, we’re all, “Well, everyone likes different things. There’s nothing wrong with that. Do you, boo!” And as long as you don’t peel back the curtain, you’ll be okay. You’ll float along in kinky bliss believing, wholeheartedly, that no one is judging you for enjoying the smell of a sweaty foot fresh out of high heels after a 12 hour day.

But they are. Ohhhh, they are. In their semi-private chat spaces, and on Facebook, and on Twitter, they’re subtweeting your strange addictions like a motherfucker. And they expect you to pretend you don’t know they’re talking about you; that they mean all those other weirdo fetishists.

So a while back, I was bumbling around on some social media site, and someone I follow was ranting about poly people. And while they weren’t talking about M and me, I was still a little butt hurt because they were talking about people who have similar poly “rules,” if you will. Read more…

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