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Posts Tagged ‘rape culture’

13yo Boy Kisses 14yo Girl, Is Charged With Assault

September 16th, 2015 Comments off

I’m just…wow. I can’t even with the way we’re going, these days. One day, I’ll look at the news, and it’s like “Yay! We decided denying same sex couples marriage equality is against the Constitution! The Supreme Court finally did it right!” (which is really, really awesome) and the next it’s, “Boy, 13, Charged With Assault for Allegedly Kissing Girl, 14, Against Her Will.”

Burn it down. BURN IT ALL DOWN.

Okay, that reaction might be slightly tinged with PMDD-induced rage. Sorry. Let’s wait on burning it all down until I’ve mellowed.

It’s not the first time we’ve gone completely overboard with our attempts to ‘protect the children’. In 2013, a 6yo boy was suspended from school and had ‘sexual harassment’ placed on his permanent school record because he kissed a girl in his class on the hand (due to negative backlash, the school quietly removed the sexual harassment charge later that month). Read more…

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On Labeling A Stranger An Abuser

June 19th, 2014 Comments off

So the other day, I was reading a post about exes. I don’t remember whose. Maybe it was Stella Kink?

In any case, it discussed that unwritten code that says dating your friend’s ex is bad, mmkay? And it delves into the way this is often handled in the BDSM community. I don’t know from personal experience, but according to the post I read, and according to the people I’ve spoken with in the BDSM community, a lot of people actually recommend their exes to others if they feel they’d be a good match.

This makes sense. Something that’s often suggested to submissives (and dominants and switches, too, by the folks who understand that submissives aren’t the only ones who need protection) is finding “references” for any dominants they’re interested in beginning a relationship with. And apparently, a lot of BDSM relationships end amicably and for reasons that are not reflections of the personalities and morals of the people involved. Read more…

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Just because I write about f*cking doesn’t mean I want to f*ck you.

May 16th, 2013 1 comment

Assholes_DickPics1Please note: Some of this post is tongue-in-cheek (giant porno penises? I mean, we all know some of that is camera tricks, right?), but the overall message is serious. However, every bit of it is based solely on my perspective. I’m only speaking for me. I don’t know whether or not all porn stars, fetish writers, sex bloggers, or other people in the adult industry feel the same way. I’m guessing some of them do, some of them don’t. That’s usually how it works. Either way, if you’ve got something to add, or a differing opinion, or just want to say hi, drop it in the comments. We moderate because our spam filter isn’t catching all the spam. All comments will be posted as soon as they’re noticed.

So, the other day, Kelly Shibari tweeted this:

And I laughed. Poor fellas sending her all those dick pics. You’d think the very fact that hetero/bi/pan female porn stars spend the vast majority of their work day with dicks in their faces would be enough to deter some random dude from sending the stars pics of his own member.

I mean, first of all, how creepy can you be? We arrest men who run around flashing their penises at unsuspecting people in public, but on the internet, these dudes think it’s okay to send unsolicited dick pics to anyone they feel like it. Gross. I did not give my consent to look at your penis. I wouldn’t go shoving my vulva in your face without (permission from M) you asking for it. Don’t shove your dick in mine!  Read more…

The One Where I Face Reality (potentially triggering)

April 24th, 2013 2 comments
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image by Rayne – Click to enlarge.

This post may be triggering. Please read with caution. Take care of you. 

I used to vehemently deny that “rape culture” exists.

When people talked about how rape is so commonplace that it’s often treated as if it’s no big deal, or how, in some places, it’s even touted as a good thing, I would go off on long tangents about all the reasons those things weren’t the norm. I’d point out rapists who were given more jail time than murderers, and the fact that child molesters are often raped, assaulted, and even beaten to death in prison. I’d mention the guys who beat up one of their best friends because when we parted ways after I agreed to dance with him “as friends” (we were the only ones not dancing at a New Year bash), he began harassing me.

Then Steubenville happened. And Britni wrote this. And I started thinking about my past.  Read more…

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Because Stereotyping Men Totally Makes Your Case

July 28th, 2010 5 comments

The other day, on Twitter, Brit linked an article on My Fault, I’m Female.  It’s a feminist blog screaming about sexism and “rape culture”.  They accept stories from women everywhere about being the victim of our “male chauvinist society”.

Names and faces are kept private to protect the women involved, so posters are, essentially, anonymous.  Which gives the reader nothing to go on but the poster’s word.  But apparently, that’s all that’s needed when labeling someone a chauvinist.

From their bio: Read more…

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“All men are potential rapists” breeds fear and mistrust. Not caution.

January 31st, 2010 23 comments

Okay enough of this passive-aggressive, “commenting on this phrase without really saying what I feel” bullshit.  This post might be offensive.  It might cost me readers.  But to be perfectly honest, I don’t care.  I’m not tiptoeing around this shit anymore.  If you can’t handle my opinion, belly up to the bar and put your money where your mouth is.  Cause this “Women should be paranoid.” shit is driving me up a fucking wall.

Women, and especially victims, have enough issues to deal with without fearing every known or unknown man in their lives.

To be perfectly honest with you, I’ve lost count of how many times I was raped.  My ex used to rape me any time I wasn’t interested in sex.  I was almost raped by a stranger I took a ride from, but I managed to escape.  A couple Johns who didn’t want to pay.  My fiance’s roommate when I stopped by his house to give him a ride to pick up his prescription on Halloween.

I was never really afraid.  Somehow, I knew I’d get through it mostly unharmed.  And I always did.  Mentally and physically.  I maybe spent one or two days moping, and then I picked myself up, shook it off and moved on with my life.

No group sessions, or rape counselors, or repeating over and over exactly what happened to anyone who would listen.  Matter of fact, there are quite a few things no one, except me and the people who did them to me, knows about.  Not because I’ve blocked them out or haven’t dealt with them.  But because I don’t see the point in sharing them.  I don’t need a “poor baby”, or a pat on the back, or someone to understand me, or empathize with me, or tell me they know what I’m going through.  I’ve been getting along just fine without any of that, and I plan to continue to get along just fine without it.

At least half of the times I was raped were my own fault.  You’re god damn right, that’s victim blaming.  Because the victim is partially to blame in my case.  Because I intentionally put myself in harm’s way.  I got in cars with strangers in bad neighborhoods, and went home alone with shady characters, and went to parties that I knew would only have one or two other girls there, and stayed with a man who I knew would have let me walk away if I wanted to without lifting a finger to me or his children.  Probably would have even sent me away with body guards if I asked him to.  Though that’s mostly cause then he could keep tabs on me.

I completely agree we should be teaching victims caution.  But teaching them to fear every man?  Read more…