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Posts Tagged ‘panic attack’

Why’s being dependent on someone so damn scary?

September 29th, 2010 Comments off

by RockstarVanity - Clickie the piccie for their photostream!

Or not.

I have permission.  And I suppose I could still benefit from a break.  While I’m nowhere near as messed up today, there’s still that tiny twinge of what could totally turn into another all out panic attack, and the tears that have been flowing freely for a few days keep tickling the backs of my eyelids.  But I think we’ve got a handle on at least a part of the cause.  And M’s planning on getting things under control.  Or so He says.

Consistency issues are a constant theme in our relationship.  On both our parts.  One of us slips, and the other goes tumbling after them, as if we’re tethered at the hip and can’t resist.

Both of us have issues doing what we say we’re going to.  Both of us lose interest in something if we don’t see results rather quickly.  Both of us are entirely too hard on ourselves. Read more…

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Emotional train wreck? Where??

September 27th, 2010 Comments off

Dear Cabbie, "With groceries" is my polite way of saying, "Get here before my burgers thaw."

I’ve got a bit of entitlement syndrome going on, lately.  You’d think a person who has so little would learn to appreciate what they have, rather than develop the belief that they’re entitled to something more.

For example, the most heard phrase in this house, of late, is “Did you really have to be nasty about it?” Out of my mouth, not M’s.  Though both of us have taken to snapping rather than speaking when we get frustrated or annoyed.  Chalk it up to the financial stress we’re under, and my new found hatred of SEO.  Because it is imperative one hate something one does not understand!

Somewhere along the line, I got the impression that I’m not allowed to have an opinion, or emotions, or get annoyed, or… Not in our relationship, but in life in general.  Probably because I’ve always responded to negative emotions with screaming, and rather than help me develop better coping mechanisms, my mother would just let me scream, and send me on my way when I was finished without helping me “fix”, for lack of a better word, my problem, and my father would refuse to listen to me until I calmed down.  But even as a child, I’d get so worked up that I couldn’t calm down, and things weren’t making sense.   Read more…

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This is me… freaking out.

September 21st, 2010 Comments off

Oi vey.  Wanna talk about frustration? Grab someone like me, who sucks at research as it is, and toss them into a bunch of governmental websites obviously written by people who know the law, but have never actually had to go through with figuring out how to follow it, and see just how quickly I lose interest in figuring out how to go about licensing my business.

Maybe today I’ll look at store layouts and carts instead.  Though I’m pretty sure one of the geeks who will be handling the technical side (As if I have this giant team.  There are two.  Two net geeks totally willing to work for free, because they rock, and they luffs me muchly.  We’ll not mention that one of them is my husband, which is why I didn’t flat out tell the other no.  M hardly has time for stuff as it is!) has an idea for a cart he’s used before and likes.  Read more…

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