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Posts Tagged ‘owner’

Sometimes, it’s not nice to be nice.

June 16th, 2017 Comments off

So I’ve been really slacking on the house. And on writing. And though I’ve been doing everything I can to be a good slave otherwise, slacking on the chores and writing is making me feel hella guilty.

Even more so because Master is being so damn nice about it.

He’s started doing this thing where he tries to point out that something needs done or isn’t being done as often/well as it should be in the nicest way possible. The other day, he was actually trying to say that something I’d done, that I hadn’t done in a while, looked really good, and he was appreciative. But he was trying to say it without making me feel bad for the time that I’d let it fall by the wayside.

And then, yesterday, I decided to pick up the bedroom and vacuum because he bought a new vacuum, and I wanted to use it. The old one is made for indoor/outdoor carpet and hard floors, and really doesn’t do much of anything on the carpet in this house. He didn’t really believe me when I told him that, but then this happened (Instagram post showing a small section of carpet that was just vacuumed and the full canister from the vacuum to exhibit just how bad the old vacuum is), so he believes me now. ANYway, I got really frustrated with myself because the bedroom was a disaster, and he basically started making excuses. I mean, they were true, but they were excuses just the same.

So, finally, I said, “Nah, dude, I’m fucking up.” Don’t try to make me feel better about fucking up. You’re the boss. It’s okay to just say, “Yo, you’re fucking up. Straighten up.” Yes, it will make me feel shitty, but…I mean…I did it to myself. Right? Right.

It’s sweet that he doesn’t want to hurt my feelings, but it’s completely unproductive. If there’s one thing that hasn’t changed in all of our 15 years (besides the fact that I’ll love him until my dying breath), it’s that I need boundaries and repercussions when I push them. Without them, I just keep pushing. As a friend use to say, you can’t submit in a vacuum. If he doesn’t care, what’s the point?

And that’s all I’ve got to say about that. 💜

NS(K)Q: Q68 – Passionate Disagreements

January 9th, 2017 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 68:

So the other day, my owner and I had a huge fight. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s painful. This time, I can’t bring myself to back down. Something happened outside of our relationship that caused some issues for me, and I wanted to stand up for myself, but he wouldn’t let me. I’m angry, and hurt, and I feel like he doesn’t care about what happens to me. How do you handle things like this? Am I overreacting?

That’s rough. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time, right now.

Without knowing the whole situation, I can’t really say whether or not you’re overreacting. I mean, if the something that happened is something small, like someone accidentally stepped on your toe and didn’t cause any damage, then yeah…you’re overreacting a little bit. But if it’s something big, like being disrespected, or discriminated against, or abused in some way, then I feel like you’re not overreacting at all. Read more…

No Such Thing as Sex Positivity in Schenectady

March 15th, 2016 Comments off

It’s funny. It seems the harder we work for sex positivity in America (and the rest of the world), the less open Capital Region, New York is to all things sexual.

As most of you know, I live in Schenectady (skeh-neck-tuh-dee) County. Though lately people are calling it “Little New York” because of its crime rate, Schenectady, and its surrounding towns, don’t come close to the openminded atmosphere believed to be found in New York City. Acceptance, tolerance, and intelligence are at an all time low, here in the Capital Region. Sex is still something we don’t discuss. And being open about your sexuality has become something to be offended by.

What do I mean?

A few years ago, a bed and breakfast was closed down because it became common knowledge that the owner was hosting swingers parties and kink munches. There are rumors flying around about the reasons behind the city agreeing to force the doors closed. Some are saying that the B&B’s patrons were having sex outside, raising all sorts of hell, blasting the radio at ungodly levels till all hours of the night. People who frequented the B&B say those complaining about it are full of crap. But we all know, when a witch hunt’s afoot, people on both sides will say anything. Read more…

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Middle School Wisdom As It Applies to BDSM

March 14th, 2016 Comments off

Most of the things I learned in middle school didn’t sink in until I was an adult. Like when Mom repeatedly pointed out that if I kept things semi-organized, my day would go a lot smoother, or when Dad told us, over and over, that if we did things the right way the first time, we wouldn’t have to stop doing something fun to do them again later.

When I was a kid, me and my dad used to butt heads a lot. A LOT. I was a budding feminist, you see, and my dad is a good ol’ boy from Texas.

I actually feel kind of bad for referring to him that way. He means well. We just don’t see eye to eye on a lot of things, and especially most things political.

I can’t say for sure, but I think he’ll vote blue if the GOP puts Trump up as their nominee, so I guess there’s that. Read more…

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NS(K)Q: Q61 – When To Collar

February 19th, 2016 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 61:

What would be the proper time frame for from the first time you connect with someone from an online site as a potential slave or Master/Dom to becoming owners of or owned as property? Do you meet the person first, particularly if it’s a “Relocation” deal? If so, how long? I know each situation is different, but seems like dragging it out too long would be a turn-off as a Master.

Well, for starters, there’s no real “right way” to do anything in BDSM, outside of common sense safety precautions. And that goes doubly for decisions regarding your personal relationships. You have to decide what’s right for the two of you. Read more…

NS(K)Q: Q57 – What is “slave speak”?

January 15th, 2016 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 57:

My sub and I have been discussing upping the relationship ante to Master/slave. He asked me if I’d require him to speak in slave speak, and I said I don’t know. I don’t know because I have no idea what slave speak is, but I didn’t want to tell him that. So what is slave speak? And do I have to make him use it?

First of all, there are very few “have to”s in BDSM. You have to get consent from anyone you touch. You have to stay within the limits the two of you have set for each other. If you set protocols for yourself and your slave, you have to obey and enforce them. If you use a safe word or gesture, you have to stop when they’re used. If you don’t use safe words, you have to respect your partner’s “no,” or “stop.” Read more…