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Posts Tagged ‘motivation’

My Get Up and Go Got Up and Went

October 6th, 2017 1 comment

Motivation is a major problem for me. As in, I have 0 personal motivation to do anything. People look at my list of diagnoses (chronic clinical depression, severe anxiety disorder, borderline personality disorder [BPD]), and go, “Well, duh,” but it’s really bothering me.

I’ve basically become a housewife. I don’t really work with/for anyone, anymore.

It’s partly because when I’m going through shit, I start dropping the ball, and instead of explaining myself to the people I work with, I mostly just stop talking to them. I’m sure they see me posting on social media, and think I’m fine, everything’s fine, I’m just blowing them off. But it’s not like that at all. In reality, I’m a mess, everything’s crazy1, and the only way I know how to cope is to retreat inside myself and shut everyone out but M. I know that’s crazy unprofessional, and I have no excuse besides mental illness. And in truth, I don’t think that should excuse my behavior. It wouldn’t in an actual work setting, so why should it anywhere else?

Of course, there are some exceptions, like the company I told I was going on hiatus right after their system changed. I lost my login info while on hiatus, so I asked them for help, and they told me they “forgot” how to get it, offered to direct me to a blogger, and then I never heard from them again outside of mass affiliate emails. It felt very much like I was being blown off, so I’ve since removed their banner from my sidebar. I haven’t removed their other links because I really liked working with them, and would love to again, but we’re in a serious money crunch, so if I’m going to promote sales again, it’s going to be for companies I can potentially make a commission from, and not one that won’t even help me figure out how to get into my affiliate account. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ Read more…

Treading Water

December 8th, 2016 1 comment

From the summer of 2014 until 2016, I went through a bit of an existential crisis.

I hate admitting that. I hate everything about that.

I hate that it’s lasted so long. I hate that I feel like I lost myself somewhere. I hate that I for sure took it out on other people. I hate that I allowed it to make me even more flakey than I already am. I hate that I allowed it to make me retreat into myself with no explanation to any of the people (or companies) I care about.

I hate that I’m not 100% sure it’s over.

Over the past year, I’ve spent the majority of my time buried in politics and social justice (which you know if you follow me on Twitter). I’ve lost a lot of readers, and a lot of reach because so many people came to me strictly for sex and kink advice, and I have mostly stopped posting that literally everywhere you can find me.

And at first, I was mad about it.

I have never and will never be a one dimensional person. Read more…

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