Posts Tagged ‘master/slave relationship’


August 22nd, 2017 Comments off

I don’t handle confrontation well. Or communicating my wants/needs/emotions. This is not a secret.

I talk very logically about good communication in BDSM relationships all the time, but when it comes down to applying that in my own life, I often come up wanting.

It’s partly how I was raised. Growing up, my mother would try to get me to talk it out, but when she didn’t have the answers I was looking for, I’d get frustrated and shut down. My father’s response to any negative emotion was “walk it off.”

“Stop wearing your heart on your sleeve, Rayne,” he’d say. “You’re giving everyone all they need to mess with you.”

And I took it to heart and started doing my best to keep everything bottled inside.

I was already a good candidate for borderline personality disorder (BPD). Add in the stilted emotional development, and I was a shoe-in. Read more…

Last Saturday

June 30th, 2017 Comments off

When we moved here, we left our grill by the road at the old place because it was super greasy, so we didn’t want it in the U-Haul, or our car. Plus, parts of it were rusting out, and the burner cover basically disintegrated when we tried to take it out to clean it. I’m pretty sure the neighbors we liked grabbed it despite the fact that it was falling apart. M says K probably just got some scrap metal and rebuilt the parts that were rusting. He’s probably right. K’s that kind of guy.

So on Friday, we bought a new grill. We actually bought it before Friday, and drove into another Middle of Nowhere town to pick it up at the store on Friday because they have this sweet discount if you do that. And the grill was on sale. After the pick up discount and sale price, we spent $20 more than we did on our last grill, and $20 less for the grill cover than we did for the last one, and they are both a hundred times better than the old grill and cover. I love it when that happens. It happens to us a lot because we wait FOR-E-VER to replace things, so by the time we do, everything is manufactured better for less money.

When we got home, we put the grill together. It took over an hour because some of the screw holes weren’t lined up correctly, and the parts weren’t all labeled. It was frustrating, but we threw teamwork at it, and got it done. Then I threw together some really amazing blue cheese burgers, and he cooked burgers on the grill for the first time in nine and a half months.

I’d say I may never go out for burgers again, but beef of any sort is rarely ever cheaper than $4-5/lb out here, so we’ve cut back our beef intake by a lot. It’s weird how much cheaper food is in the city. You’d think it would be cheaper in the country because, theoretically, it doesn’t have to go as far.

We didn’t stay out long, Friday night, because I am a freakin mosquito magnet, and I have a tendency to dig my skin off when I get bitten.

On Saturday, he really, REALLY wanted to kill zombies. Read more…

Categories: Rayne Tags:

NS(K)Q: Q68 – Passionate Disagreements

January 9th, 2017 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 68:

So the other day, my owner and I had a huge fight. It doesn’t happen often, but when it does, it’s painful. This time, I can’t bring myself to back down. Something happened outside of our relationship that caused some issues for me, and I wanted to stand up for myself, but he wouldn’t let me. I’m angry, and hurt, and I feel like he doesn’t care about what happens to me. How do you handle things like this? Am I overreacting?

That’s rough. I’m sorry you’re having a hard time, right now.

Without knowing the whole situation, I can’t really say whether or not you’re overreacting. I mean, if the something that happened is something small, like someone accidentally stepped on your toe and didn’t cause any damage, then yeah…you’re overreacting a little bit. But if it’s something big, like being disrespected, or discriminated against, or abused in some way, then I feel like you’re not overreacting at all. Read more…

BDSM and the Law: A Response to a Comment

November 16th, 2010 1 comment

Just a forewarning, since I’m only halfway through this, and it’s already 900 words. This is long. But it’s worth it.

On my post BDSM and the Law: Just One More Reason to be Cautious, Rockin’ left a comment that said:

So, I see what you’re saying, Rayne, but I’m still wondering about something. Don’t these M/s contracts have some way of getting out of them? I remember you wrote a while back on EdenCafe that you could tell M that you didn’t want to be owned anymore and he’d let you go. I think that’s only fair, and I would hope that anyone in a Master/slave or O/p relationship would have a known way out. I wonder what Gina’s was, if she had one. If she tells her master that “it’s over,” does that mean the power exchange? Does he have a right to beat her if there is no more consensual agreement? I understand that he has rights that she has signed over to him, but if she feels like she’s dissolving their contract, I don’t think he has the right to hit her, handcuff her, etc. Anyway, that’s the issue that was bugging me after reading the article and your post. Like you said, “Had either of them thought for two seconds before reacting, this probably could have been avoided.” and I totally agree.

I honestly don’t remember that comment, and have written far too many posts there to go back and search, but I don’t doubt that I said it.  And this is where I come clean.  Read more…

All Roads Lead to Acceptance… I hope!

October 4th, 2010 3 comments

Emoticon by TearDropps on deviantArt.

Shipping shit out of the country is right confusing.  I mean, seriously confusing. I think I’ve got it down, now, but Jesus fuck was I confused earlier.

I? Do not like being confused.  Being confused makes me mad.  And anxious.  And terrified.

Dementia runs in my family.  I’m fucking petrified.

The little older gentleman with his adorable round spectacles and his nice tie and sweater vest was very patient with me, and even tried to comfort me when he realized how anxious I was.  Read more…

Categories: Rayne Tags:

Why’s being dependent on someone so damn scary?

September 29th, 2010 Comments off

by RockstarVanity - Clickie the piccie for their photostream!

Or not.

I have permission.  And I suppose I could still benefit from a break.  While I’m nowhere near as messed up today, there’s still that tiny twinge of what could totally turn into another all out panic attack, and the tears that have been flowing freely for a few days keep tickling the backs of my eyelids.  But I think we’ve got a handle on at least a part of the cause.  And M’s planning on getting things under control.  Or so He says.

Consistency issues are a constant theme in our relationship.  On both our parts.  One of us slips, and the other goes tumbling after them, as if we’re tethered at the hip and can’t resist.

Both of us have issues doing what we say we’re going to.  Both of us lose interest in something if we don’t see results rather quickly.  Both of us are entirely too hard on ourselves. Read more…

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