Posts Tagged ‘limits’

Kinktionary: Soft Limits

June 26th, 2015 Comments off

KffPVLwAxul2A1AcDL-300x298Soft limits can be things you’ve never done, things that you don’t really like (but are willing to do anyway), or boundaries that you’re willing to push. Just like hard limits, these can be anything from a spanking to a golden shower.

Standard operating procedure for many tops is to provide a BDSM checklist (like this one here), on which a new play partner can rate their interests in specific fetishes and ‘normal’ BDSM activities. This gives the top a clear idea of which activities they need to stay away from and which ones they can play with.

Just because you’re willing to try something eventually doesn’t mean you have to try it right this very second with the person who asked you about it. While soft limits can be pushed, they don’t have to be. You always, always have the right to decide when your limits are pushed and by who no matter which side of the slash you identify with (see: consent).

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Kinktionary: Hard Limits

June 19th, 2015 Comments off

988417Hard limits are things that you absolutely will not do, period, end of sentence, no matter what. They are things that no one should try to coerce or force you into doing (unless you’re into that sort of thing; see consent to non-consent).

Things that people often list as ‘hard limits’ are drugs, bestiality, pedophilia1, scat, and vomit. Occasionally included in that list are urine, fire play, blood letting, permanent marks or damage, broken bones. However, literally anything can be a hard limit, so you will come across folks with limits like spanking, whips, nipple clamps, pain, bondage, etc.

You should never ever feel ashamed or embarrassed about your hard limits. Everyone has different life experiences and desires, and a person’s particular hard limits are often directly related to those things.

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1. Most people in today’s society consider this a given, but sadly, the BDSM community isn’t devoid of sick fucks. Some ‘consensual slave owners’ claim that once they own a person, they own that person’s children, as well, and have the right to do whatever they wish with them. This, of course, is wrong and illegal. No one can give consent to ownership or sex for another person, and especially not for a minor child.

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Kinktionary: Consent to Non-Consent

April 17th, 2015 Comments off

consent-is-mandatoryIn February, we defined consent thusly:

“Consent, literally defined, is permission. In a BDSM setting, consent is the only thing separating sadomasochism from assault.

Consent is required for each and every act in a play session, sex, any touching, a relationship, collaring, setting a relationship dynamic, a change in relationship dynamic…Consent cannot be coerced or forced.

Consent in BDSM is a fluid thing, and can be revoked at any time. This means that at any point during a relationship or play session, a person (dominant, submissive, or switch) is allowed and expected to speak up when their partner delves into an area they’re not comfortable with. …” Read more…

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NS(K)Q: Q41 – What’s the difference?

November 20th, 2014 2 comments

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 41:

What’s the difference between a submissive and a slave?

There was an article floating around somewhere that said, “A submissive is a volunteer. A slave is not.” That sums it up quite nicely.

There are three main labels, for lack of a better word, used to identify those of us who enjoy being the one tied up and spanked. They are “bottom,” “submissive,” and “slave.” These days, “submissive” and “bottom” each have two meanings, really. They’re both used as a heading to describe all bottom-types in BDSM relationships, some folks feeling like “bottom” is a better heading because not all bottoms are submissive. They also each have their own definition.

Everyone defines these labels differently based on their own experience and relationships. But this is how I understand them: Read more…