Gandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 28:

What’s this nonsense about dominants not having or being allowed to show emotions?

This is something I’ve been meaning to address for quite some time. Master actually addressed this himself (sort of) in this post here, but he’s a straight, white, cisgender, alpha male, and nobody listens to them. And when another submissive told me that her dominant told her that he’s not allowed to show emotion because of his dominant status, I wanted to throw something. So let’s address it, kay? Read more…

Gandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 17:

Everyone’s always talking about “topping from the bottom”, and how a submissive should never do it. There are things I feel I need, but I’m afraid to ask for them because I don’t want to be a “bad submissive” and disappoint my top. What is topping from the bottom and how do I avoid it?

I get so tired of hearing this phrase. Mostly because the first time I heard it, it was from a bunch of catty submissive women on IRC sitting in a private room for “the elite” going on and on about this slave or that slave who isn’t really a slave because she tops from the bottom all the time. Read more…

Gandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 6:

So, I’m looking around the FetLife community for my area, and there seems to be very few people in my age group.  Will I be fighting a losing battle? Or is age just a number in the BDSM community?

“The BDSM community” is just a bunch of people, with similar interests, who choose to occasionally make nice in the interest of camaraderie, or information sharing, or finding a date, or… Joe and Josephine Average in many cases.  So of course there will be those outside of your age group who are going to treat you as if you are irrelevant simply because you’re too old, or too young.  While I wouldn’t say the BDSM community corners the market on assholery, I won’t deny the fact that there are assholes lurking within our midst.  That’s life.  Read more…

Gandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 5:

Okay, so, every time I talk about this kink stuff, people keep screaming at me that I need to have a safe word, or my head’s gonna fall off.  What’s up with this safe word business, and why can’t I just say, “Hey, asshole! That’s not how I like it! Dial it down a notch.”? I mean, do I really need some super secret magic word to let my partner know that I need help in a scene?

Depends.

On what?

You and your partner.  Read more…

Gandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 2:

I don’t like to punish my submissive because it hurts her, and I don’t want to hurt her. But I do need some form of corrective training for her. I’m not really sure what I want her to do for me, other than submit to me sexually. And I’m sort of lacking in the idea department. Am I a shitty dom?

No. You’re new, and you haven’t figured out what interests you yet. We were all there, once.

There aren’t any cemented rules on how to be a dominant or submissive. The general consensus on the one requirement for each is only that you should enjoy having control, or giving it up, respectively, but even that is up for debate, these days. So stop combing the worldwide web, and the alternative lifestyles section of your local public library for directions, and start experimenting with whatever sounds like it might be up your alley. It’s great to learn new techniques, but why waste time learning something you might never be interested in? Read more…

Gandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 1:

What’s the best way to attract the master I’m looking for?

The honest answer to this question is short and simple. Be yourself.  Read more…