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Posts Tagged ‘dynamic’

NS(K)Q: Q50 – Master doesn’t like my fetish.

June 19th, 2015 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 50:

There’s this thing that I need to be fully satisfied. My master is not at all into it. In fact, it kind of disgusts him. He loves me and doesn’t want to give me up, and I’m not interested in going anywhere, either. I don’t know what to do. HALP!

That’s a tough situation.

Some folks in the lifestyle would tell you it’s just tough all around. Many believe a slave’s purpose is to serve and please their owner without the expectation of being fulfilled in return. These people would say slaves don’t have a specific right or entitlement to wish fulfillment. Any fulfillment allowed by their owner should be considered a gift and cherished as such. Read more…

Wisdom On A Bumper Sticker

May 20th, 2015 2 comments

Master doesn’t much care for activism.

I think I’ve said that before.

It’s not so much that he thinks no one should be an activist. It’s more that he is not at all interested in him being an activist, and he feels we have too much to lose if I’m an activist, and he doesn’t understand how people with families and incredibly happy lives can just flit off to protests, jeopardizing their careers, and their families, and (let’s face it) their lives. He doesn’t understand how any cause can be more important than all of that.

Of course, he’s also a straight, white, cisgender male who works in a corporate environment where he’s not required to leave the comfort of his own home unless he has to actually touch a machine, and there’s nothing affecting him specifically that he feels is a big enough deal to protest. That might change if he finds himself affected by the ageism that is ever present in the internet technology field, but for now, it is what it is.

He sees the problems with the world. He points them out to me on occasion, like the other day, when he was thoroughly disgusted by a cop who pepper sprayed a couple teens while they were handcuffed in a holding cell. But he doesn’t buy into the idea that activism is the rent we pay to live on Earth. And he looks at the arguments between activists on social media and in mainstream media and wonders how we’re gonna change things when all we’re doing is screaming in each other’s faces. Read more…

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Kinktionary: Consent to Non-Consent

April 17th, 2015 Comments off

consent-is-mandatoryIn February, we defined consent thusly:

“Consent, literally defined, is permission. In a BDSM setting, consent is the only thing separating sadomasochism from assault.

Consent is required for each and every act in a play session, sex, any touching, a relationship, collaring, setting a relationship dynamic, a change in relationship dynamic…Consent cannot be coerced or forced.

Consent in BDSM is a fluid thing, and can be revoked at any time. This means that at any point during a relationship or play session, a person (dominant, submissive, or switch) is allowed and expected to speak up when their partner delves into an area they’re not comfortable with. …” Read more…

It’s Personal: I don’t need saving.

March 9th, 2015 2 comments

Every time someone finds out about the hierarchy in my relationship, they try to save me.

When I worked at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, it was a strong black woman who proclaimed that no man should ever try to control his woman. The woman should do the controlling.

When I worked at the mansion, it was a wimpy white woman1 who desperately wanted out from under her husband’s thumb, and projected her desires and despair onto me.

Last week, it was a friend’s brother-in-law who doesn’t even know us.

It started like this. Read more…

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Holy shit! I did something right. For once.

January 7th, 2015 2 comments

This red thing.

This red thing.

I was sitting at the computer, trying to catch up on JennaMarbles’ and Julien Solomita’s fuckery while M was on a conference call.

“I want you to get in the shower,” he said. I ignored him. I had no idea what he was saying. He was on a conference call. I figured he was talking to his coworkers.

“Did you hear me?”

I ignored him.

“Did you hear me?”

I ignored him.

“RAYNE!”

“Huh?”

“Did you fucking hear me?”

“Uh…no?” Read more…

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So let’s talk about “true” slavery…

February 11th, 2014 Comments off

Every once in a while, I see one of the kinky elite blathering on about the definition of “true” slavery. This person isn’t really a slave because they won’t let their owner control their money. That person isn’t really a slave because they’ve got a safe word. This person isn’t really a slave because they don’t have to listen to any dominants except their own (wut?). That person isn’t really a slave because they’re allowed to leave the house alone.

It’s the most fun when people who purport themselves as mentors make snide comments on fetish forums about beginners and people who don’t define slavery the way they do.

Cuz see, here’s the thing: everyone defines consensual slavery differently. And while Brennan’s (unisex name snatched out of the ether—and probably heavily influenced by our recent interest in Bones—and used for the sake of clarity going forward…forget about Brennan. There is no Brennan.) definition might not match ours, or be what works for us, that doesn’t mean Brennan’s commitment to their owner is any less valid or slavelike than our commitment to our owners. It literally only means that Brennan’s owner has different expectations for them than our owners have for us…or that Brennan went into the relationship with stipulations, and their owner saw fit to allow them. Ultimately, it’s none of our business, since we’re not Brennan or Brennan’s owner. And as human fucking beings lacking magic label wands, we don’t get to tell Brennan or Brennan’s owner what to call their dynamic. Read more…

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