Posts Tagged ‘dos and don’ts’

SJP#347: Advice for a Newbie

May 7th, 2009 Comments off

What would you tell someone new who is starting a journey similar to your own?

Sometimes I try to avoid newbies. I know… I know. But, occasionally, it gets tiring saying “Suck it up, Buttercup.” over and over. And even more so when you can see, from the beginning, that they’re going to get too frustrated with the whole thing and give up. It’s like, why waste my time, you know?

Once in a while, though, I see something in them that resonates with me. That reminds me of me in the beginning. And I think, just maybe, this one is worth helping.

I know. I’m a horrible person.

What would I tell them?

None of this is written in stone.

It’s about what makes you and your partner happy. What you and your partner can live with. Not what makes Joe Blow in Connecticut happy.

Know yourself. And if you don’t already, at least make an effort to learn who you are. Read more…

Dos and Don’ts of Bad Situations

November 20th, 2008 Comments off

So today on Fetlife there’s a discussion about polyamory that, having experienced a similar situation early in our relationship, really gets my panties in a bunch. And I had every intention of coming here all full of steam and ranting about it. Till I mentioned it to Master and realized He has a very different view. And while I don’t completely agree with His point of view, I understand where He’s coming from.

I know there are three sides to every story (yours, mine and the truth) and I’m willing to concur that there are probably important details being left out. But the basic gist is master moved in the exwife, exwife’s a bitch and slave can’t deal with it.

I won’t ever claim to get why people of every size and shape are willing to “just deal” with unnecessary discord in their home. I’m not talking about petty spats between spouses or children. I mean the knock down drag outs between a person who lives there permanently and a prolonged guest. But I didn’t come here to talk about the situation, per se. Well, I did originally and then changed my mind and decided to talk about how to handle difficult situations… from a slave’s point of view.

Things NOT to do: (Disclaimer: I am in no way saying the aforementioned slave did any of the following things. Just pointing out bad ways to handle uncomfortable situations.)

I was going to use made up scenarios, but my mind seems blank all of a sudden.

  1. Manipulation: A serious no-no. Call it what you want. Topping from the bottom is what most call it. And it ranges in style. From the sneaky to the blatantly obvious. But either way you slice it, it’s out of line.
  2. Ultimatums: I just can’t get down with slaves giving ultimatums. Self included, though I have in the past. It’s unfair and puts the person you claim to want to own you in an unwinnable situation. Apparently “unwinnable” isn’t a real word. That’s okay. I’m using it.
  3. Demands: A slave, once collared, shouldn’t make demands of any kind. That’s like my computer demanding that I turn it on every single day even when I don’t use it. It’s silly and I’d laugh at it while it tried to figure out how to turn itself on.
  4. Temper Tantrums: They’re not cute in two year olds and they’re definitely not cute in adult slaves.
  5. Rampant Sarcasm and Other Disrespectful Behavior: Nothing says “I don’t care what you think so fuck you very much, Master.” like sarcasm and disrespect.
  6. Threats: Making threats of any nature only escalates the situation. It puts him on the defensive. A defensive master, in my experience, is hard to bring over to your side. Or even part way over to your side, if you’re only looking for a compromise.
  7. Name Calling: It’s disrespectful and childish.
  8. Slinging Insults: Same.
  9. Leaving, Requesting Release or Breaking Up: I understand the disinterest in being in a relationship that makes you unhappy. Believe me, I do. And if it’s an unsolvable problem, by all means request release. But an unwanted house guest (again, only using it because it spurred this post), a drug/alcohol problem in early stages, petty arguments… these are all resolvable with a little time and effort.

Things TO do:  Read more…