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Posts Tagged ‘domestic violence’

NS(K)Q: Q65 (part 2) – Can a M/s dynamic exist when consent is revoked? (TW)

April 29th, 2016 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 65 (part 2):

Original post here. Can a master/slave dynamic exist once the slave revokes consent?

I realized after I posted the last NS(K)Q that I didn’t answer one of the questions asked. Can a master/slave dynamic exist once the slave revokes consent?

In truth, the only real answer here is “it depends.”

There are all sorts of variables, and all sorts of definitions of what a “master/slave dynamic” really is. Whether or not the dynamic can continue to exist depends entirely on the people involved. Read more…

NS(K)Q: Q44 – I think my friend is being abused.

January 2nd, 2015 3 comments

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 44:

So I read your response to the radical feminist who was considering reporting your owner. That’s just insane. I’ve been reading you a while, and it’s pretty clear to me that you’re happy, and healthy, and Melen is not, at all, abusive. But I know this other submissive, and she’s not happy, or healthy, and I’m pretty sure her dom is abusing her. I have no idea what to do. Advice?

This is a really difficult situation for everyone involved, and I’m sorry that you and your friend are going through it. I think part of the reason it’s so hard on the victim’s friends and family is precisely what you said; they have no idea what to do.

First, you need to know that it is not your responsibility to save your friend. Read more…

Still on the fence about E.L. James and her books?

July 25th, 2014 1 comment

50 Shades of Grey Cover ArtWe all know how I feel about this series and its subsequent sex toy line. If not, I’ll sum it up real quick for you.

The 50 Shades series promotes ABUSE, not BDSM, and should not, in any way, shape, or form, be used as a guide to putting the spice back in your bedroom as the author and publisher (and pretty much the whole god damned vanilla world) have suggested.

The sex toy line isn’t particularly harmful. It’s just cheap, and the vibrators suck. I’m a kink toy snob. Mostly because I like to own kink toys that are aesthetically pleasing, well made, and will last a good, long time. This line is not at all kink toy snob worthy. It’s kinda ugly, if truth be told.

Now that my opinion’s out of the way, let me move on to why I’m here. I originally formulated those opinions before knowing jack shit about the author and after only reading the first book. I’ve still only read the first book. I can’t find the give a damn to read the second and third. I probably will eventually, but it’s so much work. Reading should be fun. I spent the whole first book completely incredulous. Read more…

Categories: Rayne Tags:

I AM a survivor.

September 13th, 2013 8 comments
lotus_blossom_by_melen-d57zbc2

Image by Melen – click to enlarge

A while back, I said I was going through something, but I stayed pretty vague about it all. I mentioned the boob thing, but I didn’t really go into detail about what was causing it. I don’t like to talk about what I’m going through. I have so many worries surrounding discussing my survivor status.

For example, it’s been eleven years since my ex moved out of our apartment in the middle of the night. If there ever was any evidence of the abuse and sexual assault (aside from unreliable witnesses who were closer to him than me, there wasn’t), it’s gone. If he decided to out himself as my ex, and take me to court for defamation or libel, I have no proof that I’m telling the truth.

Of course, he has no proof that I’m not. Thanks to my semi-anonymity, he also has not been affected by my blog in any way, so I don’t know what he’d be able to claim. But I still worry about that. Even now, I don’t know that I could handle a court case in which I had to rip myself open to keep a total stranger from making me pay him for telling my story. And God only knows why, but I would give just about anything to keep our kids from finding out who their father was back then. Maybe because I don’t want them hurt by him any more than they already have been. Read more…

BDSM v. Sexual Assault: A Survivor’s Perspective

May 11th, 2013 1 comment
We got married here...pre-newspaper and graffiti, of course. Click to enlarge.

We got married here…pre-newspaper and graffiti, of course. Click to enlarge.

If you’re a new reader, there are three things you’ll learn very quickly by reading my posts on this site.

  1. I am a survivor of sexual assault and domestic violence.
  2. I am the property in a consensual 24/7 consent-to-nonconsent owner/property relationship. (like how I made sure to get “consent” in there twice?)
  3. I work in the adult industry.

People often ask me how well those last two things play with the first one. It seems like they wouldn’t play well together at all, though a common stereotype is that survivors seek out BDSM and the adult industry because something inside them is “broken”.

I don’t know anything about that. I’ll admit, most of the submissives I know have suffered some form of abuse. But I know a lot who haven’t. And I know a lot who were masochists and/or craved control long before the abuse started. I, myself, decided I wanted to strip my way through Harvard before any of the sexual abuse started, and pain has always been a turn on for me even before it was incorporated into anything sexual with another person, consensual or not.  Read more…

Categories: Rayne Tags:

BDSM and the Law: Just One More Reason to be Cautious

November 9th, 2010 8 comments

“Jury hears testimony about lifestyle that involves bondage and infliction of pain during sex”

That was the headline that flew across M’s Twitter timeline (he has somehow managed to avoid being drawn into the craze that is Twitter, and generally only watches His timeline for news. The old stick in the mud.) yesterday. And the more He read the article to me, the more I wanted to slap the bitch Oklahoma County is trying to protect.

Let’s start with the background.

Nanette “Gina” Larsen, married with children in Utah, moved to Oklahoma to be the property of Richard “Wraith” Wise.  They met on FetLife.  Read more…