Posts Tagged ‘contract’

NS(K)Q: Q53 – I didn’t do it.

July 31st, 2015 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 53:

I don’t want to go into all the details, but basically I got in trouble for something I didn’t do. He’s waiting for the next time we see each other to punish me. I don’t know what to do. Help?

That really sucks. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

This is a tough question to answer because I don’t know what your relationship dynamic is like. Each relationship is different, and each has a different way of dealing with situations like this.

Do you have a contract with your dominant? Many people feel they’re unnecessary, but one of the reasons for writing a contract is to delineate what happens in situations such as these. It’s very important that a submissive know what their recourse is if the relationship veers off into the weeds somehow. I mean, even kinky couples have problems. Problems are just part of life. Read more…

BDSM and the Law: A Response to a Comment

November 16th, 2010 1 comment

Just a forewarning, since I’m only halfway through this, and it’s already 900 words. This is long. But it’s worth it.

On my post BDSM and the Law: Just One More Reason to be Cautious, Rockin’ left a comment that said:

So, I see what you’re saying, Rayne, but I’m still wondering about something. Don’t these M/s contracts have some way of getting out of them? I remember you wrote a while back on EdenCafe that you could tell M that you didn’t want to be owned anymore and he’d let you go. I think that’s only fair, and I would hope that anyone in a Master/slave or O/p relationship would have a known way out. I wonder what Gina’s was, if she had one. If she tells her master that “it’s over,” does that mean the power exchange? Does he have a right to beat her if there is no more consensual agreement? I understand that he has rights that she has signed over to him, but if she feels like she’s dissolving their contract, I don’t think he has the right to hit her, handcuff her, etc. Anyway, that’s the issue that was bugging me after reading the article and your post. Like you said, “Had either of them thought for two seconds before reacting, this probably could have been avoided.” and I totally agree.

I honestly don’t remember that comment, and have written far too many posts there to go back and search, but I don’t doubt that I said it.  And this is where I come clean.  Read more…

Collars/contracts players only?

October 13th, 2003 Comments off

We all know that I’m all for “to each their own” and I don’t judge anyone. Sure I bitch about people’s actions and I grumble when people do things I think are wrong. Doesn’t everyone? But I am in no position to judge anyone, so I don’t. Not only is this philosophy (that collars and contracts are for “players”) totally against everything I’ve read and been taught, but it’s insulting.

Not only do I wear a collar (two actually) but Master and I also have a contract. Which actually needs to be revised because it still says I have a safeword. And on top of that, we’re married. Now perhaps an actual collar isn’t necessary. And maybe, for you, a contract is needless gibberish. There are those that would argue that the strongest collar is around the heart (I agree) and that contracts are in the mindset of Dom/me and sub/slave. That’s fine. But to go so far as to say they’re for “players” only? I think that is way off base. Read more…

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