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Posts Tagged ‘consent’

Permission to cum…in you?

August 24th, 2014 3 comments

We interrupt this Upworthy Sunday to answer a question we found in the search terms that brought you, dear reader, to this site.

The search question: Should a guy ask permission to cum in a girl?

The answer: ABSO-FUCKING-LUTELY!!! Each and every time.

The reasons:

1. You should always ask permission before you do ANYTHING to another person’s body.
2. You are responsible for anything your sperm creates. If I had my way, that would include paying for treatment for STIs (and that goes both ways), but I dunno that we’ll ever get that passed. If you want a baby with the girl you’re having sex with, by all means, cum inside her. But make damn sure that’s what she wants too, first.
3. If you don’t ask first, you’re a piece of shit.

Consent for EVERYTHING. Learn it, live it, love it.

Why I Do Not Support CatalystCon and Probably Never Will

April 11th, 2014 6 comments
SheVibe Sex Educators Poster

used with SheVibe’s permission – click to enlarge

The audio of the closing keynote has been posted since the publishing of this article. You can find it here.

This is a long one. tl;dr I’ll not be attending or supporting CatalystCon until its leaders prove to me and the rest of the sex positive community that they actually stand behind the things they claim to believe, and are not just paying them lip service.

So we all know I didn’t actually attend CatalystCon (CCON) this year, right? I mean, I’ve never been. I’ve never really felt invited or welcome. Something about a drunk hooker joke, and my unpopular opinions.

I considered going this year anyway, because some really cool people that I really enjoy working with and talking to online were going to be there; like the crew over at SheVibe, and Tantus, and a couple bloggers we all know and love. But when it came down to it, my social anxiety and the knowledge that M would be so incredibly bored (and probably incredibly annoyed) won out, so I didn’t attempt to talk him into it beyond bringing it up once or twice in passing. “Oh, we could stay at Mom’s and drive into the city every day. Make a week of it at Mom’s, and end it with the con, ya know?” Read more…

Categories: Rayne Tags:

No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 25 – Titles

February 12th, 2014 1 comment

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 25:

I don’t get it. I mean, I get some of it. But explain those titles to me. You can’t possibly mean what you’re saying…can you? Are slaves really…slaves?

Okay, I’m gonna go with the most basic titles, since the rest you’ll hear are generally just variations of these.

These are the most basic, vague definitions of the most used terms in BDSM circles. Let’s start with the switch… Read more…

NS(K)Q: Q24 – How to Tell When No Means No

February 1st, 2014 2 comments

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 24:

I’ve recently become involved with a submissive who has a habit of saying “no” when they really mean “yes”. A couple of times, I’ve backed off because they said no, and they got upset because they expected me to know they didn’t mean it. I’m kind of concerned because this could just as easily go the other way, and then I’m an accidental rapist because I haven’t learned how to read them, yet. I’d really like to avoid this. How do I know they’re saying no and mean it?

First, let me commend you for addressing this before you become an accidental rapist. A lot of people, these days, are “we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it” people, and in this case, that’s no good. Especially when one considers the fact that, in some cases, consent is the only thing standing between BDSM and assault.

You can go a couple ways with this, depending on the dynamic and boundaries of your relationship, and you and your partner’s wants and needs. So here’s my question.

Do you enjoy playing with consensual-nonconsent? That is, when your partner says, “no,” and doesn’t actually mean it, does it get you off to push beyond that no? Read more…

Setting the Mood: Consent in Long Term Relationships

August 20th, 2013 1 comment

LSomething we talk about a lot in kinky circles, around the sexblogosphere, and just about everywhere in the post-Steubenville world, is consent. What it is, what it isn’t, how to get it, what to do if you don’t get it (stop? duh?), whether or not it can be achieved with coercion, how it’s affected by drugs and alcohol…

Something we don’t talk a lot about is consent in long term relationships. I mean, we do to some extent. For a little while, the hot topic was whether or not it’s rape if the couple is married (it is), and what, exactly, is owed to your partner in a long term relationship. But I’m always a little nonplussed by the idea of consent in LTRs. I mean, it feels silly to constantly ask your partner of 5, 10, 35 years, “Is this okay? Do you mind if I touch you here? Can I penetrate you, now?” Especially if you’re in a healthy relationship with a healthy spouse who has never expressed an issue surrounding consent before.

Maybe that’s just me. Me and Master, anyway, because he agrees with me. (Though believe me, I’m not saying either of us is 100% healthy—mentally, or otherwise.) Read more…

Categories: Rayne Tags:

BDSM and the Law: A Response to a Comment

November 16th, 2010 1 comment

Just a forewarning, since I’m only halfway through this, and it’s already 900 words. This is long. But it’s worth it.

On my post BDSM and the Law: Just One More Reason to be Cautious, Rockin’ left a comment that said:

So, I see what you’re saying, Rayne, but I’m still wondering about something. Don’t these M/s contracts have some way of getting out of them? I remember you wrote a while back on EdenCafe that you could tell M that you didn’t want to be owned anymore and he’d let you go. I think that’s only fair, and I would hope that anyone in a Master/slave or O/p relationship would have a known way out. I wonder what Gina’s was, if she had one. If she tells her master that “it’s over,” does that mean the power exchange? Does he have a right to beat her if there is no more consensual agreement? I understand that he has rights that she has signed over to him, but if she feels like she’s dissolving their contract, I don’t think he has the right to hit her, handcuff her, etc. Anyway, that’s the issue that was bugging me after reading the article and your post. Like you said, “Had either of them thought for two seconds before reacting, this probably could have been avoided.” and I totally agree.

I honestly don’t remember that comment, and have written far too many posts there to go back and search, but I don’t doubt that I said it.  And this is where I come clean.  Read more…