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Posts Tagged ‘consent’

NS(K)Q: Q65 (part 2) – Can a M/s dynamic exist when consent is revoked? (TW)

April 29th, 2016 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 65 (part 2):

Original post here. Can a master/slave dynamic exist once the slave revokes consent?

I realized after I posted the last NS(K)Q that I didn’t answer one of the questions asked. Can a master/slave dynamic exist once the slave revokes consent?

In truth, the only real answer here is “it depends.”

There are all sorts of variables, and all sorts of definitions of what a “master/slave dynamic” really is. Whether or not the dynamic can continue to exist depends entirely on the people involved. Read more…

NS(K)Q: Q65 – Can a slave be sexually assaulted? (TW)

April 15th, 2016 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 65:

A friend of mine says she was raped by her owner. She says she didn’t want to have sex, so she told him she didn’t want to have sex, and he tied her down and had sex with her anyway.

When she brought it up to someone she trusted within their munch group, they told her that she wasn’t raped. They said a slave isn’t allowed to say no or revoke consent, and her owner had the right to do whatever he wanted.

Are they right? Can a slave say no? Can a master/slave dynamic exist once the slave revokes consent? Can a slave be raped? Should my friend be going to the police?

Legally, anyone can say no any time they want. Read more…

Kinktionary: Consent to Non-Consent

April 17th, 2015 Comments off

consent-is-mandatoryIn February, we defined consent thusly:

“Consent, literally defined, is permission. In a BDSM setting, consent is the only thing separating sadomasochism from assault.

Consent is required for each and every act in a play session, sex, any touching, a relationship, collaring, setting a relationship dynamic, a change in relationship dynamic…Consent cannot be coerced or forced.

Consent in BDSM is a fluid thing, and can be revoked at any time. This means that at any point during a relationship or play session, a person (dominant, submissive, or switch) is allowed and expected to speak up when their partner delves into an area they’re not comfortable with. …” Read more…

It’s Personal: I don’t need saving.

March 9th, 2015 2 comments

Every time someone finds out about the hierarchy in my relationship, they try to save me.

When I worked at Bed, Bath, and Beyond, it was a strong black woman who proclaimed that no man should ever try to control his woman. The woman should do the controlling.

When I worked at the mansion, it was a wimpy white woman1 who desperately wanted out from under her husband’s thumb, and projected her desires and despair onto me.

Last week, it was a friend’s brother-in-law who doesn’t even know us.

It started like this. Read more…

Kinktionary: Consent

February 27th, 2015 Comments off

consent-is-mandatoryConsent, literally defined, is permission. In a BDSM setting, consent is the only thing separating sadomasochism from assault.

Consent is required for each and every act in a play session, sex, any touching, a relationship, collaring, setting a relationship dynamic, a change in relationship dynamic…Consent cannot be coerced or forced.

Consent in BDSM is a fluid thing, and can be revoked at any time. This means that at any point during a relationship or play session, a person (dominant, submissive, or switch) is allowed and expected to speak up when their partner delves into an area they’re not comfortable with. This is often one of the reasons for incorporating a safe word into a play session or relationship, but using a safe word is not a requirement to revoke a person’s consent. Read more…

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NS(K)Q: Q39 – What’s stopping me from reporting your “owner?”

November 5th, 2014 20 comments

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 39:

I don’t believe in BDSM. You’ll never convince me that women actually like being beaten and controlled. In fact, I think all of you submissives need a good dose of feminism to wake you up and show you how you’re helping the patriarchy. What’s stopping me, or someone like me, from reporting your “owner” to the police?

~deep breath~

Where to begin…

First of all, let’s look at this “feminist” idea that women are too stupid to know they’re being manipulated, shall we?

Because you know that’s what you’re saying, right? Read more…