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Posts Tagged ‘consent to nonconsent’

I hate that fucking paddle.

January 6th, 2015 4 comments

We’ve got this paddle from MauiKink. It’s a really awesome paddle. Sturdy, well made, beautiful.

And I fucking hate it.

I didn’t always, just like I didn’t always have a practically virginal ass.

When it first arrived on our doorstep, I was pretty much in love. Either my pain tolerance was higher back then, or Master was nicer. I’m thinking it’s probably the former. M’s always been a bastard.

This weekend, Master shoved me over the side of the bed, and then picked up the Frat Bat. By the second wallop, I was ready to snatch it from his hands and show him what it felt like. I reared up off the bed, fisted my hands in the comforter, tried with everything in me not to move my ass.

At least half the reason he usually ties me up when he beats me is I’ve never been all that good at mental bondage.

The sex was amazing. The paddle sucked.

In the morning, he rolled over and said, “You were a good girl last night.”

I smiled. We kissed and cuddled for a few minutes. And then I said, “I hate that fucking paddle.”

He smiled. We kissed and cuddled some more. And he said, “Then I guess I just have to use it till you love it. You will, you know.”

Bastard.

My Pleasure Is His Pleasure

January 5th, 2015 2 comments

20091004-IMG_1003I feel like I’m in training again.

I guess I sort of am. I mean, you don’t go years without doing something without losing a little bit of it, right?

One of Master’s go-to fantasies (that he’s only taken the opportunity to fulfill once) is placing me in the hands of an alpha for whom I have no respect. Someone he trusts to not go too far, but who I act as if I think I’m above because of their personality flaws.

That sounds really bad, but if you’ve roamed the kinky internet halls as often and as long as we have, you meet some seriously fucked up motherfuckers. I mean, that’s life in general, right? There are some people wandering the earth who are pretty much just dicks. And some of those people aren’t really dicks, they’ve just rubbed us the wrong way for some reason. Master gets off on the idea of making me submit to one of those people. Read more…

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Observations I’ve Made Based on M’s “Jokes”

May 18th, 2011 Comments off

This was actually written a couple weeks ago, and isn’t quite as relevant now as it was then. I’ve got a couple posts in the works that are more relevant to how things are going now. In the meantime, I thought something was better than nothing. Right?

When I get out of line, but it’s out of character with how I’ve been behaving lately, M has a tendency to make wisecracks about my behavior rather than reprimanding me. At least to start. If I don’t catch on, He reprimands. If I still don’t change my behavior, He punishes. These are some observations I’ve made about my behavior based on His “jokes”. Read more…

BDSM and the Law: Just One More Reason to be Cautious

November 9th, 2010 8 comments

“Jury hears testimony about lifestyle that involves bondage and infliction of pain during sex”

That was the headline that flew across M’s Twitter timeline (he has somehow managed to avoid being drawn into the craze that is Twitter, and generally only watches His timeline for news. The old stick in the mud.) yesterday. And the more He read the article to me, the more I wanted to slap the bitch Oklahoma County is trying to protect.

Let’s start with the background.

Nanette “Gina” Larsen, married with children in Utah, moved to Oklahoma to be the property of Richard “Wraith” Wise.  They met on FetLife.  Read more…

30 Days of Kink: List your kinks.

September 2nd, 2010 2 comments

30 Days of Kink

For the rest of this series, and links to others who have participated, click here.

So this is totally a cop out, but at least I’m honest. Being faced with no post at all on Monday, and the possibility of not getting another post done today, I gave in to the temptation known as “journal prompt”. However! Imma try to expand a little on my kinks, rather than just listing them.

Cause I’m way cooler than Cinnamon.

Ahem.  What I meant to say, was… Ah fuck it

Control. There’s nothing like it. The rush I get handing over the reins to control of my body.  I feel like a dog standing on a toolbox in the back of a pickup truck doin’ 90 round the corner just trying to hang on for dear life. And I like that feeling. Read more…

Why Would You Say That?!

February 24th, 2010 8 comments

A week or two ago, i was discussing the Consensual – Non-consent (C/NC) aspect of my relationship with a nice enough person at FetLife. Unsurprisingly, the topic had popped up on one of the boards, closely linked with no-limits slavery. i didn’t post there, i know better than that. i would have probably gotten bitchslapped by N for getting too riled up and personally invested in something so trivial as Internet discussion. Fair ’nuff.

For reasons revealed later, a person unknown to me personal messages me, asking if i practice C/NC and stuff.  Cautiously, i ask “Why?” They started out the discussion fairly nice wanting to understand the structure, the intent, trying to grasp why i’d want such a thing, how i could trust a human, an imperfect being, with my very life. It’s hard to describe why being His in all ways makes me fulfilled and calls me to service, but i did my damnedest how i strive to meet His expectations, that it gives me a focus in life that i cannot live happily without. Very quickly, the tone of the discussion devolves into one of criticism. i tried to guide the person back to a respectful tone, but when they made clear that they were trying to convince me that i was bound to die this way, and that i was a horrible person for being so messed up that i needed a guy to smack me around and “rape” me to make me feel right, i informed them that the conversation was over.

There are so many things wrong with the “information” they tried to convince me with, all i could do was sit back and laugh while i shook my head in rueful amusement.

i got one more message from them. They said that i was no better than my elitist bitch friends, that they thought i was smarter than the other people on my friends list and would have seen the error of my ways. That i would end up dead in a ditch some day, used and discarded, my children left motherless, so that i could fulfill my future as human trash.

They closed with wishing that my no-limits-beyond-His C/NC relationship would fail miserably and that i lost everything i had, so i could see how horrible a person i really was when i couldn’t “hide” behind the O/p dynamic. And, i guess to rub salt into my wound, they also assured me that no court would EVER give custody of children to a psychopathic freak like me.

What the fuck?!

You seriously wish someone that much ill because they won’t agree with your little version of truth? A person you never met, never will meet, has enraged you so badly by honoring her oaths that you wish her dead. You wish she loses her children and is left stranded, destitute and mentally destroyed.

How is that the sign of a “normal” person? A bit exaggerated of a response to a nameless entity 2000 miles away, ennit? So how am i the crazy one? Why on earth would i want to agree on anything with you?! Much less alter the entire scope of my relationship with the one Man who has ever tried to fully meet me term to term and commit to showing me He cared? Awfully presumptuous of a person to believe they have that much power through a fucking keyboard.

The mind boggles.

i promptly blocked the fucker and went on my merry way. i figure, if the world is made of people like them, i’d rather be the odd freak out anyhow.

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