Archive

Posts Tagged ‘bottom’

NS(K)Q: Q24 – How to Tell When No Means No

February 1st, 2014 2 comments

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 24:

I’ve recently become involved with a submissive who has a habit of saying “no” when they really mean “yes”. A couple of times, I’ve backed off because they said no, and they got upset because they expected me to know they didn’t mean it. I’m kind of concerned because this could just as easily go the other way, and then I’m an accidental rapist because I haven’t learned how to read them, yet. I’d really like to avoid this. How do I know they’re saying no and mean it?

First, let me commend you for addressing this before you become an accidental rapist. A lot of people, these days, are “we’ll cross that bridge when we come to it” people, and in this case, that’s no good. Especially when one considers the fact that, in some cases, consent is the only thing standing between BDSM and assault.

You can go a couple ways with this, depending on the dynamic and boundaries of your relationship, and you and your partner’s wants and needs. So here’s my question.

Do you enjoy playing with consensual-nonconsent? That is, when your partner says, “no,” and doesn’t actually mean it, does it get you off to push beyond that no? Read more…

No Stupid (Kink) Questions

August 21st, 2011 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Rayne brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for Rayne, drop it in the form below. Just let Rayne know if you don’t want your name mentioned.

30DoK: Define Your Kinky Self by Jade

January 17th, 2011 Comments off

Jade

Rayne’s been bugging everyone for a guest post defining their kinky selves for the writing project Thirty Days of Kink. Next up, Jade of Pieces of Jade.

From Jade’s Bio: I am what you see here…and yet so much more.  These are just pieces of me, of who I am and what I do.

Day 1: Dom, sub, switch? What parts of BDSM interest you? Give us an interesting in-depth definition of what that means to you. Basically define your kinky self for us.

As Scarlet Lotus says in her first 30 Days of Kink post, much of what I have been writing about all along in my blog has been about just that: discovering who I am in kink, musing on where I’ve been, talking about where I am now, exploring where I’m going. It’s been, and continues to be, a wild ride.

I’ve been practicing BDSM for about 10 years now, off and on, and in those years have learned much about myself and what makes me tick, and yet I am still learning, all the time, and it is still hard to pin just one label on myself. Read more…

30 Days of Kink: Define Your Kinky Self by TitsMcScandal

October 25th, 2010 Comments off

From The Upper Floor by Kink.com

Rayne’s been bugging everyone for a guest post defining their kinky selves for the writing project Thirty Days of Kink. Next up, TitsMcScandal.

From TitsMcScandal’s bio: I’m a 19 year old who has always been obsessed with sex. I’m a kinky slave girl. I have also been passionate about sharing my knowledge and experiences. It is a natural progression then to have this blog.

To define my kinky self, I think a look back at where I began explains a lot of it. I was in an abusive relationship. The guy I was with controlled a lot of what I did and punished me if I did something wrong. Of course, because he was plain ole sadistic, he would punish me if I didn’t do something wrong too. Many people ask me now why I didn’t leave when I knew what was happening was wrong. It is because I got off on the pain that was being given to me. Plus, when he controlled me (by telling me what to wear or eat) it sent immediate shivers downward. Not to mention, the sex was fantastic. It was the first time I ever had done a consensual nonconsent scene. Granted, I didn’t know that it was called a ‘scene’ then, nor did I know that what we were experimenting with had a whole community out there that would have been able to harness what we were doing into something healthier and safer.  Read more…

Submissive v. Slave and 24/7 M/s

November 23rd, 2003 1 comment

It’s getting to the point that I should probably stop reading other people’s opinions and essays. I mostly sit and gape at the screen and wonder where the hell they got their information or who the hell trained them. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m not 100% flawless in my knowledge on the subject of BDSM. I’m sort of learning as Master and I go (this is my first M/s relationship, remember?). But man. Some of these people amaze me.

Let’s start with the idea that there is no such thing as a 24/7 M/s relationship. Well, if that’s the case, I don’t want to cook dinner anymore. That’ll be my “time out”. I’ll still do the dishes and be the slave when we’re sleeping, but I think I’ll opt out of dinner.

Okay, Master?

HA!

A 24/7 Master/slave relationship doesn’t constitute a 24/7 scene. As absolutely breathtaking as it would be to sit on cloud nine all day everyday, it’s just not possible. Even if Master was independently wealthy and we didn’t have any kids, one of us would eventually have to break scene at some point for one reason or another. That’s just the way the cookie crumbles. But in day to day life, we never have to break roles. He always has control and I always do his bidding.

The last essay I read on the impossibility of a 24/7 M/s relationship got some of it right. To have a 24/7 M/s relationship all players must have the mindset and ability to be committed to their role 24 hours a day 7 days a week. When they’re together, when they’re apart, when they’re sleeping, when they’re awake, in the middle of a crisis, in the middle of a celebration. The parties involved are always in their roles.  Read more…

Categories: Rayne Tags: