Gandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.
Question 66:
I like to masturbate as much as the next girl, but I’ve never really been one to masturbate in front of people. It’s never been an issue until I entered into my current relationship. I love my mistress, but she’s really into watching me masturbate and I’m really uncomfortable with the whole thing. I get really embarrassed and sometimes I cry. I never cum. It’s really disheartening. I want to be able to share everything with her. How do I get past this masturbation shyness?
This is actually something that’s really close to my heart. I have never been 100% comfortable masturbating in front of people. And since I generally don’t get off from penetration alone, that means I have to either sneak off to the bathroom for a wank, or masturbate in front of my partner. And since I’m not allowed to sneak off for a wank anymore, I’ve had to learn to get over it.
For my part, I spend a lot of time reminding myself that masturbation isn’t bad. Society’s belief that women should masturbate is stupid. All creatures masturbate. Masturbation is beautiful. Read more…
In mathematics, subspace is defined as “a space that is wholly contained in another space, or whose points or elements are all in another space.” Some kinksters would say that definition isn’t far from the truth.
Subspace is often described as a floating sensation, or feeling detached from one’s body. Speech and thought become difficult. Some refer to it as “flying” while others liken it to an MDMA trip.
The science of subspace comes down to pain-induced endorphins that attach to the same receptors as opioids. When a person is in pain (from illness, exercise, kink, etc.), the body reacts by increasing the production of dopamine, which is also known as the body’s “pleasure chemical” because it rewards the body for certain activities. Increased production of dopamine is thought to be a factor in drug addiction, which explains why so many bottoms feel addicted to subspace.
Not everyone will experience subspace. Not every play session will induce subspace. No one’s quite sure why.
Got a suggestion for our Kinktionary? Leave it in comments or email it to rayne@insatiabledesire.com with “Kinktionary” in the subject!
There is a negative in all good things. In consensual BDSM play, that negative is sub drop.
Sub drop is a negative reaction to the end (temporary or permanent) of BDSM play. Often, it presents itself as depression or anxiety, but can also present as anger, feeling lost. How sub drop manifests depends on the person.
Part of the reason BDSM is enjoyed is because it increases endorphin production. Endorphins bind to the same receptors as opioids, which explains why subspace sounds a lot like being high. Your body reacts to endorphins the same way it would heroin.
Sub drop is a direct result of endorphin withdrawal. It can take 24 to 36 hours to notice symptoms. Many believe sub drop can be avoided by implementing aftercare after a play session.
Because sub drop is endorphin withdrawal, it can often be treated with a piece of chocolate, some exercise, or more play.
Got a suggestion for our Kinktionary? Leave it in comments or email it to rayne@insatiabledesire.com with “Kinktionary” in the subject!
February 20th, 2015
rayne
Gandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.
Question 48:
I know you say there are no stupid questions, but I feel like this is a REALLY stupid question.
I’m the Dom, and I’ve been doing D/s with my wife (of several years) for several months now, and I always have the same problem.
I’m a sadist and I really love to work on her. I love bondage and humiliation and she gets off on both. The problem is that after I come, I turn into a peacenik; I just can’t bring myself to hit or hurt or command or demand. If my sub is in predicament when I come, I instinctively rip her out of it like I’m rescuing her from Snively Whiplash. It’s a real scene killer.
How do I keep the kink going post-orgasm? Writing it out like this makes it seem silly, but it really is starting to be an issue.
Actually, this is pretty common. For many (top or bottom), sadomasochistic fantasies are wholly driven by sexual desire. Once that sexual desire is fulfilled, many find they’re no longer interested, or are embarrassed or ashamed by their fantasies. Read more…
November 20th, 2014
rayne
Gandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.
Question 41:
What’s the difference between a submissive and a slave?
There was an article floating around somewhere that said, “A submissive is a volunteer. A slave is not.” That sums it up quite nicely.
There are three main labels, for lack of a better word, used to identify those of us who enjoy being the one tied up and spanked. They are “bottom,” “submissive,” and “slave.” These days, “submissive” and “bottom” each have two meanings, really. They’re both used as a heading to describe all bottom-types in BDSM relationships, some folks feeling like “bottom” is a better heading because not all bottoms are submissive. They also each have their own definition.
Everyone defines these labels differently based on their own experience and relationships. But this is how I understand them: Read more…
February 12th, 2014
rayne
Gandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.
Question 25:
I don’t get it. I mean, I get some of it. But explain those titles to me. You can’t possibly mean what you’re saying…can you? Are slaves really…slaves?
Okay, I’m gonna go with the most basic titles, since the rest you’ll hear are generally just variations of these.
These are the most basic, vague definitions of the most used terms in BDSM circles. Let’s start with the switch… Read more…
