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NS(K)Q: Q37 – What advice would you give to a n00b?

October 21st, 2014 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 37:

I’m pretty new to this whole thing. I have no idea what anything means. I’m not even sure what I’m looking for, really. What advice do you have for a n00b like me?

Wow. I could write you a novel. But I’ll try to keep it short and simple.

1. Research. Whether you pick up some books on kink, or Google BDSM, make sure you know what you’re getting into.

That sounds so ominous, but diving headlong into bondage, discipline, and sadomasochism can get someone hurt if they don’t have a cursory knowledge of what they’re doing. Learn about the many known fetishes, relationship dynamics, labels, toys. Maybe watch some porn that shows people participating in things you think you’ll enjoy. Read more…

Cheating is my trigger.

October 4th, 2013 3 comments
image by Melen - click to enlarge

image by Melen – click to enlarge

I dunno if I’ve mentioned this, but I’m judging e[lust] now. I mean, not right now, but when it’s time, each month, I sit myself at my laptop and dive headlong into reading post after post of sex advice, erotica, and sex bloggers’ conversations with themselves about whatever was on their minds when they wrote the post they submitted. I love doing this because it gives me a reason other than “Oh, I’ve been meaning to check in on soandso.” to stick my nose in everyone else’s life. I am, without a doubt, a voyeur.

On the flip side, this also means I have to read things that piss me the fuck off.

There was a post about…well, I’m not entirely sure what the writer was trying to say, exactly. It seems their main message was that no relationship will ever survive if the people involved only have sex with each other. But some of the points dangerously toed the line of suggesting infidelity1, while others seemed to outright promote it. And I wanted to bang my head on my desk.

I don’t give a fuck what the problem is; infidelity is not the answer.  Read more…

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