Posts Tagged ‘advice for newbies’

e[lust] #6

January 26th, 2010 Comments off

HNT Courtesy of Having My Cake And Eating It Too

Welcome to e[lust] – your source for sexual intelligence and inspirations of lust from the smartest & sexiest bloggers! Whether you’re looking for hot steamy smut, thought-provoking opinions or expert information, you’re going to find it here. Want to be included in e[lust] #7? Start with the rules, check out the schedule in the site’s sidebar and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Week’s Top Three Posts ~

Exposing My Self to Airport Security I stared right at her until she looked away and called for assistance for a pat-down search.  I gaped, chin dropped: holy shit, they’re gonna give me a pat down cuz I’m packing a silicon cock.

Prefect’s Prerogative When I neglect this duty, or don’t perform it to his satisfaction, he makes me light a fire in his room, and stand in front of it in just my school shirt and white socks.

Attention Women: There is Something Wrong With Your Vagina Yes, that’s what your vagina needs: a breath mint. Because, just like vagina shouldn’t smell like vagina, it also shouldn’t taste like vagina.

~ e[lust] Editress ~

The Perfect FatWhy do clothes designers assume that if you’re plus-sized you’re 1. over 5′9″ and 2. over the age of 45 or “matronly and modest”? At the age of 32 I am not yet ready to dress like my grandmother.

~ Featured Post (Lilly’s Pick) ~

Zipless “I have some Scotch in my room—maybe you’d join me? You know, in the interest of not drinking alone…” She smiled. Perhaps she could yet salvage the day’s ending.

See also: Pleasurists #61 for all your sex toy review needs.

Also in recent sex news, check out the coverage of the Adult Entertainment Expo that happened in Las Vegas a couple weeks ago. You’ll see videos and articles from our fellow sex-bloggers on fun things like a rodeo penis and new sex toys not even on the market yet!

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy!  Read more…

Everything I learned about BDSM, I learned on the internet.

July 21st, 2009 4 comments

On every board, in every group, about every subject I’m researching, I’ve posed this question:

What resources would you suggest to a newbie?

At least one answer is almost always:

Not the internet.

The only real exception? World of Warcraft.

Why? Because while you can learn about any subject on the internet – love, hate, life, death, war, peace – there are so many subjects that you just can’t truly understand without experience.  Without having lived it.

Sure, it’s great to learn how others do it.  It’s an awesome way to get new ideas and learn which paths to avoid and meet people and put your own issues into perspective.  But it can’t compare with good, old-fashioned experience.

Especially if you’re like me and you’re susceptible to peer pressure.  Even unintentional peer pressure.

I have a lot of friends who absolutely are not into ritual or labels.  Have no purpose for them.  They do nothing for them.

Some scoff at them.  Say ritual and labels are the stuff players are made of.  Call those of us who enjoy, want, crave, need them immature, insecure, or arrogant, even.  I assume they don’t mean me, because they’re my friends, but I have a lot of friends with qualities I don’t particularly care for.  If they’re unobtrusive, I ignore them.  So who knows? I’ve never asked and they’ve never offered the information.  Read more…

Categories: Rayne Tags:

SJP#347: Advice for a Newbie

May 7th, 2009 Comments off

What would you tell someone new who is starting a journey similar to your own?

Sometimes I try to avoid newbies. I know… I know. But, occasionally, it gets tiring saying “Suck it up, Buttercup.” over and over. And even more so when you can see, from the beginning, that they’re going to get too frustrated with the whole thing and give up. It’s like, why waste my time, you know?

Once in a while, though, I see something in them that resonates with me. That reminds me of me in the beginning. And I think, just maybe, this one is worth helping.

I know. I’m a horrible person.

What would I tell them?

None of this is written in stone.

It’s about what makes you and your partner happy. What you and your partner can live with. Not what makes Joe Blow in Connecticut happy.

Know yourself. And if you don’t already, at least make an effort to learn who you are. Read more…

Dos and Don’ts of Bad Situations

November 20th, 2008 Comments off

So today on Fetlife there’s a discussion about polyamory that, having experienced a similar situation early in our relationship, really gets my panties in a bunch. And I had every intention of coming here all full of steam and ranting about it. Till I mentioned it to Master and realized He has a very different view. And while I don’t completely agree with His point of view, I understand where He’s coming from.

I know there are three sides to every story (yours, mine and the truth) and I’m willing to concur that there are probably important details being left out. But the basic gist is master moved in the exwife, exwife’s a bitch and slave can’t deal with it.

I won’t ever claim to get why people of every size and shape are willing to “just deal” with unnecessary discord in their home. I’m not talking about petty spats between spouses or children. I mean the knock down drag outs between a person who lives there permanently and a prolonged guest. But I didn’t come here to talk about the situation, per se. Well, I did originally and then changed my mind and decided to talk about how to handle difficult situations… from a slave’s point of view.

Things NOT to do: (Disclaimer: I am in no way saying the aforementioned slave did any of the following things. Just pointing out bad ways to handle uncomfortable situations.)

I was going to use made up scenarios, but my mind seems blank all of a sudden.

  1. Manipulation: A serious no-no. Call it what you want. Topping from the bottom is what most call it. And it ranges in style. From the sneaky to the blatantly obvious. But either way you slice it, it’s out of line.
  2. Ultimatums: I just can’t get down with slaves giving ultimatums. Self included, though I have in the past. It’s unfair and puts the person you claim to want to own you in an unwinnable situation. Apparently “unwinnable” isn’t a real word. That’s okay. I’m using it.
  3. Demands: A slave, once collared, shouldn’t make demands of any kind. That’s like my computer demanding that I turn it on every single day even when I don’t use it. It’s silly and I’d laugh at it while it tried to figure out how to turn itself on.
  4. Temper Tantrums: They’re not cute in two year olds and they’re definitely not cute in adult slaves.
  5. Rampant Sarcasm and Other Disrespectful Behavior: Nothing says “I don’t care what you think so fuck you very much, Master.” like sarcasm and disrespect.
  6. Threats: Making threats of any nature only escalates the situation. It puts him on the defensive. A defensive master, in my experience, is hard to bring over to your side. Or even part way over to your side, if you’re only looking for a compromise.
  7. Name Calling: It’s disrespectful and childish.
  8. Slinging Insults: Same.
  9. Leaving, Requesting Release or Breaking Up: I understand the disinterest in being in a relationship that makes you unhappy. Believe me, I do. And if it’s an unsolvable problem, by all means request release. But an unwanted house guest (again, only using it because it spurred this post), a drug/alcohol problem in early stages, petty arguments… these are all resolvable with a little time and effort.

Things TO do:  Read more…

A Master Is…

July 14th, 2008 Comments off

I was actually looking for a specific story I wanted to submit to an online publisher and decided now was as good a time as any to clean out the blog fragments and other documents I no longer need. I came across an entry I published when we were still experimenting with Gor and I realized that once in a while I make sense. Even when speaking in third person. That’s bizarre!

Anyway… I decided to post part of it again:

Which brings us to a master. A master is a guide, a teacher, and a disciplinarian. He is judge, jury, and executioner. He conquers a slave’s will and takes from her whatever he wishes. He strips a slave of her pride and ego, until she stands before him defenseless begging for the things she craves without hesitation. A slave has no business being prideful. An egotistical slave is unattractive. And a good master recognizes that the slave knows, whether she initially chooses to acknowledge it or not, that she has no use for these things.

A master doesn’t settle. It’s his way or no way. He doesn’t back down and he doesn’t give in. If a slave tries to manipulate his will, he puts her in her place however he feels necessary. When a slave breaks a rule, he punishes her. If she breaks it again, he ups the severity of the punishment. He can continue to do this or release her if he loses interest in the game, but a master never uses release as punishment (e.g. releasing her temporarily to punish her and then re-collaring her when he thinks she’s learned her lesson). Once released, she’s gone and the master finds a slave more suited to his needs. Read more…

Categories: Rayne Tags:

Overcoming Self-Loathing

June 22nd, 2008 Comments off

Slavereen asked:

My question is, how do you overcome the self negativity? I have this problem too and for the life of me have not been able to get rid of this pattern of thought and it’s driving Master crazy. I was just wondering if you’d be able to share what you do to get better at this or if you have any advice from a slave’s perspective.

This area, unfortunately, is particularly difficult for me. I have severe self-esteem issues and a laundry list of mental diagnonsense and sometimes, if I’m to be honest, I simply don’t overcome it. I push it to the back of my mind and try to remind myself that if Master felt about me the way I feel about myself He wouldn’t own me.

Something I’ve learned about Master in the (almost) six years we’ve been together is that He’s very particular about not owning shit. He likes to own things of some value. His belongings must be pleasing to His eye (which isn’t always the same as what is pleasing to someone else’s) and functional. And because of this if He didn’t think He could fix the pattern of behavior He doesn’t like in me, or at the very least cope with it, He wouldn’t own me. Most men are that way.

That’s a hard pill to swallow sometimes. We like to believe our love and service are more important than our (occasional?) bad behavior. But the fact of the matter is, it isn’t. No matter how much you love someone, if there’s something about them that you positively cannot deal with, and they either refuse to change or are incapable, staying with them becomes more of a hindrance than a joy. Regardless of the type of relationship.

I’m often reminding myself in these times that, even though we’re no where close to standing on equal ground, this relationship is very much a partnership.

I think I’ve said the opposite in the past. Mostly because when people think “partnership” they think “equal”. But also because that’s what is expected of me as a slave. To vehemently deny that our relationship fully depends on both of us, and a great deal of cooperation, to survive. Read more…

Categories: Rayne Tags: