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BDSM v. Sexual Assault: A Survivor’s Perspective

May 11th, 2013 1 comment
We got married here...pre-newspaper and graffiti, of course. Click to enlarge.

We got married here…pre-newspaper and graffiti, of course. Click to enlarge.

If you’re a new reader, there are three things you’ll learn very quickly by reading my posts on this site.

  1. I am a survivor of sexual assault and domestic violence.
  2. I am the property in a consensual 24/7 consent-to-nonconsent owner/property relationship. (like how I made sure to get “consent” in there twice?)
  3. I work in the adult industry.

People often ask me how well those last two things play with the first one. It seems like they wouldn’t play well together at all, though a common stereotype is that survivors seek out BDSM and the adult industry because something inside them is “broken”.

I don’t know anything about that. I’ll admit, most of the submissives I know have suffered some form of abuse. But I know a lot who haven’t. And I know a lot who were masochists and/or craved control long before the abuse started. I, myself, decided I wanted to strip my way through Harvard before any of the sexual abuse started, and pain has always been a turn on for me even before it was incorporated into anything sexual with another person, consensual or not.  Read more…