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No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 22 – Deference with Strangers

January 8th, 2014 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 22:

I identify as a submissive. A while ago, I met a dominant couple, and we’re pretty good friends, now. The trouble is, they’re always bossing me around. When I brought it up to them, they said that’s just something I have to deal with if I want to be submissive, and that, as a submissive, I should defer to all dominants in all things. I don’t really want to submit to them, and I definitely don’t want to submit to perfect strangers who call themselves dominants. Does that mean I’m not submissive?

First things first: ditch the friends. They’re full of shit, and have no concept of consent as it applies to kink. Besides that, if they’re bossing you around without your consent, and telling you “that’s just what submission is about” when you protest, they are violating your rights and boundaries, which, in my mind, shows that they have no respect for you or your friendship. Read more…