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NS(K)Q: Q65 – Can a slave be sexually assaulted? (TW)

April 15th, 2016 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 65:

A friend of mine says she was raped by her owner. She says she didn’t want to have sex, so she told him she didn’t want to have sex, and he tied her down and had sex with her anyway.

When she brought it up to someone she trusted within their munch group, they told her that she wasn’t raped. They said a slave isn’t allowed to say no or revoke consent, and her owner had the right to do whatever he wanted.

Are they right? Can a slave say no? Can a master/slave dynamic exist once the slave revokes consent? Can a slave be raped? Should my friend be going to the police?

Legally, anyone can say no any time they want. Read more…

NS(K)Q: Q64 – Scene Didn’t Feel Right

March 18th, 2016 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 64:

I’m new to the scene, and I recently met a dom. He’s really sweet, and has about five years experience. We played for a while at a party, and he was great with me, but…well, I left feeling like something was really wrong. Like I’d been taken advantage of. There were a couple times during the scene where I know I should have said something, but I didn’t. And then, when it was over, he just left, like it was nothing; I was nothing. Did I do something wrong? Did he?

It kinda sounds like you both did something wrong, but hey, it happens. Which isn’t to say it’s nothing; it’s not nothing. But it also isn’t the end of the world. I usually try to chalk situations like this up as a learning experience.

The first thing I want to tell you is that you always, ALWAYS have the right to speak up if something happens in a scene that you don’t like. Most good dominants will expect you to speak up, and will actually be disappointed (and maybe a little hurt) if they find out that you didn’t. Read more…

NS(K)Q: Q63 – I have a disability. Can I BDSM?

March 11th, 2016 1 comment

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 63:

I’ve been interested in kink for a while. I finally got up the courage to poke around on Fetlife and see if I could find someone I’d be interested in playing with, and pretty quickly found a potential partner. But then I told him that I have a physical disability, and he told me that I can’t participate in kink. Without disclosing too much of my medical history, I can tell you that my disability doesn’t limit my day-to-day activities, but does limit the amount of time I can be bound before I find myself in excruciating pain. I know this from experiments with self bondage. But I still want to pursue BDSM. Can I do that, or is it somehow against the rules?

Honey, you can do whatever the fuck you want with your body, and don’t let anybody tell you any different.

But stay away from that guy because he obviously isn’t comfortable with playing with someone with a disability. I mean, maybe he could be, eventually, with some patience and practice. But it doesn’t sound like he wants to go through all that, and really, that’s his right. It’s shitty, and sort of ableist, but…I mean, do you really want to be topped by someone who doesn’t want to top you? I don’t.

And probably, you weren’t even considering trying to talk that guy into topping you, anyway. It just needed to be said in case someone in a similar situation is trying to talk someone into topping them. Read more…

NS(K)Q: Q62 – Where To Find A Kinky Couple

February 26th, 2016 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 62:

I’m so interested in getting into a kink lifestyle but have no idea where to begin. I want to eventually become a 24/7 live in bdsm slave, belonging to a male master and his submissive. I want to be the ultimate toy to two people. Any tips/hints/suggestions of where to look? How do I meet people that are into this? How do I find meet ups? Is it common for people to do a trial run first? Any tips are appreciated!

As I’m sure you can imagine, there are a few ways to find likeminded people in the lifestyle.

For me, it just sort of fell into my lap. A woman moved in next door to me who had children with a man who was very into the lifestyle. He and I met one day while he was picking up his children and I was walking my dog, and the rest, as they say, is history.

I think it’s probably safe to say this doesn’t happen very often. Read more…

NS(K)Q: Q61 – When To Collar

February 19th, 2016 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 61:

What would be the proper time frame for from the first time you connect with someone from an online site as a potential slave or Master/Dom to becoming owners of or owned as property? Do you meet the person first, particularly if it’s a “Relocation” deal? If so, how long? I know each situation is different, but seems like dragging it out too long would be a turn-off as a Master.

Well, for starters, there’s no real “right way” to do anything in BDSM, outside of common sense safety precautions. And that goes doubly for decisions regarding your personal relationships. You have to decide what’s right for the two of you. Read more…

NS(K)Q: Q60 – Poly Valentine’s Day

February 12th, 2016 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 60:

I’ve been collared by my dom for almost a year, now. This is our first Valentine’s Day together. We’ve been poly since day one, and both of us were poly before we met because neither of us really enjoys monogamy. Until recently, though, neither of us was seeing anyone else.

Now we both have secondary partners, but have agreed that our relationship with each other comes first. And then he made plans for Valentine’s Day with his girlfriend without consulting me. I wouldn’t mind, except it appears that she’s managed to figure out a way to monopolize the entire day, rather than share it with me, and my dom is all, “First come, first serve, Jellybean.” I made plans with my girlfriend, too, but they were only for a small part of the day, as I figured my dom would want to spend some time with me on Valentine’s Day. I guess I was wrong.

I don’t know what to do. I’m feeling snubbed and unwanted, and I keep thinking…if he likes her so much more, why doesn’t he just go be with her? I’ve never been in a poly relationship like this, where the girlfriend intentionally tried to push me out. Can you help me?

I’ll do my best with what information I have.

So if it were me, I’d be reacting very similarly. I understand the snubbed and unwanted feeling. It can be hard to share special days with your partner’s other partners, and doubly so since this is your first Valentine’s Day together. Read more…