A paraphilia is an unhealthy obsession with an object, behavior, or sexual act, usually involving another person’s psychological or physical distress. Often socially unacceptable behavior or “sexual deviance” are categorized as paraphilias. Some paraphilias can be vary dangerous, while others are deemed unacceptable based on society’s ever changing moral code. Though many resources have not updated their definitions (like Merriam-Webster, for example), masochism and sadism are no longer considered paraphilas by those in the mental health field. Some things that are still included are cannibalism, sexual assault, pedophilia, snuff, and bestiality.

Paraphilias are not to be confused with fetishes.

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In the vanilla world, though most have a cursory knowledge of the kink realm, the word “fetish” is often used tongue-in-cheek to describe something a person is really into. Not necessarily sexual things. I’ve heard people say they have a fetish for a color, or a fetish for a certain kind of coffee, or a fetish for a game.

Merriam-Webster defines “fetish” thusly:

• an object of irrational reverence or obsessive devotion
• an object or bodily part whose real or fantasied presence is psychologically necessary for sexual gratification and that is an object of fixation to the extent that it may interfere with complete sexual expression

However, a fetish isn’t always necessary for sexual gratification. Many foot fetishists, for example, can achieve orgasm and enjoy sex without including their partner’s feet. The sex is just that much better if the fetish is included.

A fetish is different from a paraphilia in that fetishes can be healthy, and paraphilias are not.

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Puppy play is when one party (or multiple parties) act and sometimes dress as a dog. During a puppy play scene, the couple (or multiple parties) may role play obedience school, doggie games like fetch, puppy training, potty training, and the like. Usually, the puppy is kept collared and leashed whether or not they’re dressed as a dog. Often, the puppy is allowed only to communicate in puppy sounds, like barks and whines.

Some couples arrange puppy play dates for their “pets.” And there are even puppy play park parties where groups of people into puppy play get together and the human puppies can engage in play with other human puppies.

Some folks won’t have sex with their partners while they are in puppy mode because they feel it is akin to bestiality. Some believe that when their partners are in puppy mode, they cannot actually give consent. Others believe it’s only role play, and incorporate puppy play into their sexuality.

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Sub frenzy is described as a desperate desire to be in the thick of BDSM interactions; particularly ones in which the person experiencing sub frenzy is the bottom. It’s most commonly experienced by submissive people who are new to BDSM, or haven’t been involved in BDSM activity for a while.

Sub frenzy can inspire unsafe behaviors, and has been known to cause a new submissive to jump into the deep end before they know how to swim. It is an excitement similar to New Relationship Energy, in that a submissive who has just discovered submission, and felt that click we all feel when we find something that suits us perfectly, wants to do all of the submissive things right the fuck now, kthxbai.

Sub frenzy is not necessarily a bad thing, but it can occasionally cause submissives to go overboard with trying new things, or make them appear overly eager. The best way to combat sub frenzy is to pace oneself.

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Mutual masturbation can be defined a couple of ways.

For some, it’s the act of self stimulation in the same space as another person.

For others, the term “mutual masturbation” also covers giving each other hand jobs at the same time.

Both of these types of mutual masturbation can be used as foreplay, but they are also sometimes the only sex act in which the people involved engage in a single sexual encounter.

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Webster defines “kink” as “unconventional sexual taste or behavior”; in other words, a fetish. That’s probably the most used definition, especially in mainstream media.

In the kink community, “kink” is also used as a sort of catch all for nontraditional sex practices, fetishes, and relationship dynamics. Some well known kinks include (but definitely are not limited too) a foot fetish, BDSM play, water sports, master/slave relationship dynamics, and spankings.

Though BDSM is a kink, not everyone who is kinky is into BDSM.

You can find a user-created list of fetishes here on Fetlife (requires login, free registration). Keep in mind, though, that there are quite a few fetishes there that were created tongue-in-cheek and some that are inside jokes.

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