Archive for the ‘Discussion’ Category

On Sharing Account Information and Past Conversations

February 20th, 2010 2 comments

For a long time, I’ve been required to give M any new logins to any new websites or games.  Not only does He have my email passwords, but all my mail forwards to His and He owns the server our email is on.  My life, should He choose to make it, is an open book to Him.

He rarely snoops behind me anymore.  He used to.  But these days, I tell Him about the email I get and the gossip I hear before He even realizes I got an email.

He mostly just laughs at me.  He doesn’t know… well… anyone, really, and there’s always some new name He’s never heard before.  But occasionally, He’ll feel the need to tell me why he agrees or disagrees.

But M and I are married.  We live together.  If I were to fly half way across the country to meet any of the people I talk to online, He would come with me.  You’re buggin’ if you think, for a second, He’d send me alone.  So it would be silly for me to keep things from Him.

I was bumbling around on FetLife, today, looking for a more educational group.  (Shut up.  I don’t want to hear it.)  And I came across a thread in the Power Exchange Relationships group entitled “Are submissives to be trusted?

Yeah, I got my panties in a bunch when I read the title, too.  Why do you think I went to see what he was really asking?

Basically, the situation goes like this:

Sub meets DomA and has a great number of private conversations, discussing scores of personal information, with him in private messages on FetLife.  Sub then meets DomB and gets into a relationship with him.  DomB asks for Sub’s password to her FetLife account and unlimited access to all the private, personal conversations on her FetLife account, including, but not limited to, conversations that took place before their relationship with the promise that they would be kept confidential.  DomA isn’t comfortable with DomB reading his conversations with Sub, and hence knowing personal information about him.

DomA wants to know:

So, what takes precedance?…protecting the privacy of her past friends personal discussions and private information?…or… loyally complying with her new Doms request for her FET password and/or other information?

In a larger picture…where does the D/s stop? Would a request for personal and work email passwords come next? Cell phone voice mail passwords? Should a Dom ask for personal information of his new submissive and expect complete compliance?

And I’m sort of torn.  Read more…

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Oh, god. Did I really just say that out loud?

February 5th, 2010 3 comments

So Sunday was horrible.  Well, the beginning, anyway.  I was disobedient, and Master said I didn’t appreciate Him, so I got indignant and disrespectful.  Defensive.

I don’t remember what we were talking about.  But we didn’t agree.  I was right, damn it! And so was He.

And suddenly, I shouted, “I’m not going to bow down and change my mind just because you don’t agree with me!”


Time stood still and I held my breath.  Did I really just say that out loud? Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck….

Ever had one of these moments? Tell us about it.

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Discussion: Self Esteem

January 5th, 2010 3 comments

Just about everyone has some sort of self esteem issues.  Especially in America.  We aren’t really known for loving ourselves as we are, here.

Most of us try not to make things worse by belittling each other for our flaws.  Instead of telling someone who has an issue with being fat how to go about fixing it, we’ll try to make them feel better by telling them they’re not fat.  Or we’ll give our friends makeovers and take them wardrobe shopping to try to make them feel better about their body issues.  Or… something.

So I’ve got some questions dancing around in my head, with the new slew of posts about body acceptance over on Eden Cafe (one from our very own VieuxCarre).

  1. Do you have self esteem issues? If you don’t mind sharing, what are one or two?
  2. How do you attempt to overcome these issues?
  3. What do you think most effects how you view yourself? The media? Your friends? Your family?
  4. This one’s tricky.  Is there such a thing as “too much” self esteem, in your mind? And if so, where is that line drawn?
  5. And finally, what would you tell someone who is having trouble accepting the skin they’re in?
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Discussion: Sex toys and teens, and a few other things

December 29th, 2009 3 comments

20060722Floating around the reviewing community, there’s been a few questions about teens and sex toys.  The laws in most states dictate that a person isn’t allowed in an adult toy shop until they’re eighteen or twenty-one.  Most credit card companies won’t approve anyone under eighteen.  So that leaves teens with the options of asking an older friend, breaking the law or waiting till they’re adults to discover the wonderful world of sex toy enhanced masturbation.

Or asking Mom and Dad.

So the questions that have come up time and again are:

  1. Would you buy your son or daughter a sex toy?
  2. Why or why not?
  3. If you would, what age would you consider “old enough”?
  4. And finally, what kind of toy would you start him or her out on?

And that started me wondering other things.

For example, what age is a good one to start teaching your child about sex? How do you handle awkward situations? Like walking in on your child masturbating, or them walking in on a scene, or whatever.  And just how far should you go in your sex education? Like, should you explain S&M to your kid? What if you’re heavily involved in the BDSM community? And do you remain objective or tell them what you think about the different aspects of sex?

A couple years ago, we had a doozy of a situation where my six-year-old (who’s now nine) was caught masturbating to orgasm in class.  Her step-mother and father hadn’t yet had “The Talk” with her and, as far as we know, she’s never been molested, so it was just a case of a curious child finding a glorious experience through experimentation… And choosing to share it with her first grade class, apparently.  How would you handle that?

Abstinence only or contraceptive education?

What do you guys think? Let us know!

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Discussion: Was Amy wrong?

December 16th, 2009 22 comments

Over on Eden Cafe, Laurel, from Licentiously Yours, wrote a post on personal responsibility addressing the situation surrounding Amy Dikinson’s response to a question about possible date rape.  Amy Dikinson writes an advice column for the Chicago Tribune.

Go read Laurel’s post and  the one she links to.  I’ll wait.

Done? Okay.  So!

Here are the letters in question.  First up, the letter from “Victim? in VA”:

Dear Amy:

I recently attended a frat party, got drunk and made some bad decisions.

I let a guy take me to “his” room because he promised that he wouldn’t do anything I wasn’t comfortable with.

Many times, I clearly said I didn’t want to have sex, and he promised to my face that he wouldn’t.

Then he quickly proceeded to go against what he “promised.” I was shocked, and maybe being intoxicated made my reaction time a bit slow in realizing what was happening.

We were soon kicked out of the room by the guy who lived there, who was pretty angry.

I guess my question is, if I wasn’t kicking and fighting him off, is it still rape?

I feel like calling it that is a bit extreme, but I haven’t felt the same since it happened.

Am I a victim?

— Victim? in Virginia

And the response from Amy:  Read more…

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Lucy! You got some ‘splainin to do!

December 12th, 2009 4 comments

i-love-lucy--tv-historyI don’t understand the concept of forced orgasms.

I don’t understand a lot, it seems.

I know so many submissives whose owners string them up and Hitachi them (or whatever method they prefer) to orgasm after orgasm until they beg to be left alone.  And I don’t understand either side of the coin.

I understand being so tired that you don’t think another orgasm is possible.  I understand a raw clit and sore pussy lips.  I understand it burning when you pee in the morning cause you’ve actually rubbed skin off.  I’ve done all those things.

I don’t understand begging it for it to stop.

And I don’t understand the motivation behind Hitachi-ing a submissive to death.  I mean, how is suffering orgasm after orgasm at the hands of your owner… well, suffering? And how could any dominant type believe that it is?

I get the ones who just like to make a woman cum (cause it seems to be more prevalent in male dominant/female submissive relationships/scenes).  The ones who need it to keep their ego in tact or just really like watching her or…  I get the ones who just make her cum cause it’s fun.  And perhaps that’s all it is for most.

But I hear so many talk about suffering.  And I just don’t see it.

So! ‘Splain! Tell me what it is about forced orgasms that turns your crank.  Whether you’re dominant or submissive.  Curious minds wanna know!

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