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Caring and love… The prologue

December 23rd, 2009 Comments off

Tomorrow I’ll be writing a proper post about how care and love feature in our relationship… I couldn’t think of a decent title for this and I’ll be touching on it so yeah… prologue!

I just spent a few days with DK, his primary (M) and his third. Most of the three days was filled with bad pain and negative emotion.

A little bit of background… I have a few health issues but I’m totally defensive about them.  When DK told me to keep him informed about a hospital test I was going to have… I quite literally told him to fuck off and mind his own business. On Monday afternoon, DK “pointed out” to me  that this was not an appropriate response. I ended up pouring out months of fear, loneliness, terror, illness, pain and my own mortality out of my eyes into his shoulder.

Seriously… I absolutely sobbed.

There has been a lot of conversation between us recently about how despite the fact that he doesn’t love me and won’t love me… He still cares about me. That’s been difficult for me to come to terms with.

I think I’m currently experiencing emotional subdrop since I need to talk to him and I’m choosing not to call him because yeah.. He’s got others to look after and I’m bottom of the food chain. They’re far more fun, they need a lot less care at the moment since I’m still in immense pain, very tired and very very weepy. Talking to me will just pull him away from the fun lively girls who he can play with…

I’m all kinds of fun today!

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I iz here!

December 15th, 2009 9 comments

Huzzah! The kitti has landed!

First off… a big thank you to Melen and to rayne for inviting me over here. very flattering and it’ll be nice to blog somewhere with friends.

I suppose a first post should be somewhat of an introduction?

So I’m kitti… I’m English. At the time of writing this, I am 23. I am… undefinable.

I have been  kinky for all of my sexual life. My first foray into kink outside of the slightly bent vanilla stuff was in late 2005. I met up with someone via and he caned me, flogged me, held me by the throat, cropped me and introduced me to retraints, decorative bondage and erotic photography.

I was well and truly bitten by the BDSM bug. I visited with him several times over the next couple of years and he introduced me to a few other things like clamps and knife play and choking.

During this time I explored the interwebz! Somebody sent me to and they mentioned IRC. I googled IRC and BDSM and found

Ended up doing a long-distance relationship with someone in Alaska… Wore his collar for  a little under two years, spent my 21st birthday with him watching wildlife amongst the glaciers, spent new year’s eve in the snow in AK… Lovely..

That relationship ended, in part, because I needed more control and ownership than he was comfortable with. The subsequent relationship was very much Owner/pet. For a year or so, I was happily collared and, with him, I discovered my need for the darker elements of play.

With him I discovered a fondness for knives, blood, rape, slapping, choking and the harsher sides of control. With him I realised I needed ownership, plain and simple.

I am now in such a relationship.  My relationship with DK (daddy_keeper) differs from the others on this site because it is an asexual, unloving one. DK has a primary partner (referred to as M) with whom he is in love. He also has control over another girl (P) who fulfils a service and a masochist role. I believe she falls into the role of non-romantic slave.

I fall into whatever role DK puts me in. I am his property.

I feel I should use this post as a bit of a disclaimer. A lot of my writing will contain subject matter that some people may feel uncomfortable reading. It involves a lot of violence (the first time we played, he broke my rib), a lot of conditioning and a lot of brain washing. I don’t have limits, I don’t have a safeword and I certainly cannot walk away from this relationship. To most people, the places we are going to go would be considered abuse. It’s not for us. Abuse cannot exist in this relationship.

rayne referred to us as extreme… It’s probably not a bad word. It’s just not how we see it. It’s the only way we can relate to each other. Please don’t be alarmed, please be constructive with your comments. I don’t mind if you don’t agree with me but please don’t tell me I am being abused… I’ve covered that here.  Please don’t tell me I can leave… I’ve covered that.

Other than that… Feel free to comment on any rambling and if I mix words up, please don’t point it out. Chances are that I’ve already noticed and kicked myself for it! See you in the comments! 😀

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