Home > Rayne > Officially Looking

Officially Looking

September 19th, 2017

…for a play partner who wants to play with both of us. Not a relationship, mind (at least, not yet), but maybe a friendship with some sexy benefits.

This is not as easy as it sounds. I’ve been going through the local profiles on FetLife and most of the members are dudes or straight girls. If they’re not dudes or straight girls, they’re switches, or monogamous, or really young, or little.

Nothing makes you feel as old as realizing you really don’t have the temperament to fuck most1 people who are 15 years younger than you2.

I’m not even 40 yet.

And littles are just way more of a thing than I really want to deal with on more than a friend level. It’s nothing personal. I’m just way too lazy for that level of commitment.

Of course, if M found himself interested in a little, I would do what makes him happy, but I would only be doing it out of a desire to please him.

So I suggested a munch.

I know, right? Fifteen years into a 24/7 master/slave relationship, and we still have never been to a munch.

There’s a munch group not too far from here. If we ever get the car squared away, I think a munch would be awesome. We could go to one, and if we hate it, we never have to go again.

“Except we’ll have to go to more than one,” I said, after pointing that out to M. “Because the first time we go we’ll hate it and think everyone’s an asshole.” That’s how we operate. I have to consciously force myself to talk to people multiple times before allowing myself to write them off as people I really don’t want to talk to. It’s not them, it’s me. My brain goes, “They hate you. They all hate you,” every time I meet new people, and then everything someone says feels like a slight, and I’m working on it, but it’s not always easy to overcome.

But we haven’t even gotten to the talking phase, yet, because all the people in our local community are dudes or straight girls.

And, like, I understand the need for anonymity–especially in a community as small as ours–but I don’t understand the accounts that have five thousand pics of other people and none of themselves.

We might have to widen our search some.

So that’s where we’re at. I’m really excited, and I feel like I’m in a really good place for something amazing if my mindset stays on the path it’s been on recently. I don’t expect anything to happen any time soon, because we don’t have a reliable vehicle, and that really restricts what we are comfortable doing outside of, like, grocery shopping. But the fact that we’re looking makes me sort of giddy.


1. Qualifying with “most” because no one of any generation is the same, and I’m sure there are people 15 years younger than me with whom I share interests and personality traits.
2. There is a vast difference in my generation and that of those 15 years younger than me. The internet was just becoming a thing when I was a teenager. Some kids had beepers so their parents could get in touch with them, but cellphones were only something owned by people more well off than we were. We didn’t have access to the entire world in the palms of our hands. I often find we have extremely different views on the world. That’s not a bad thing. It just sometimes makes it difficult for me to relate to them. …not that I need to relate to someone to play with them, necessarily, but it can make the playing more meaningful.

  1. Pam Owen
    September 19th, 2017 at 13:58 | #1

    Hi Rayney, ive just read your blog, and we are in the same position, had no luck looking for a single girl, so started looking for couples. We tried a munch, which was very cliquey, which we hate places like that, talking to some people, a lot of munches are, but maybe depends on the country you live, which brings me to why i replied, ive tried to look for what country you live in, but only place ive read was Albany which i think is usa or canada.
    Anyway, i was kinda hoping ur in uk, and close to us, to possibly chat for a while and meet up, but ive a feeling im wrong. Weve also tried on fetlife, but found it really hard.
    There doesnt seem to be any dating sites, for people with kinks, we wanted similar kinks, like you Master/slave dynamics, but the inly one i found was based in france and had v few uk people in it.
    We tried joining a swingers site, put on our kinks, mentioned our dynamics, couples replied saying oh yes we like spanking but turns out they like a little tap on the bum during sex, not the sort of spanking you have in a true BDSM dynamics. It just really got us down, it seemed if you lived in usa there were more opportunities.
    Fetlife weve had no interest and you start to take it personally, whats wrong with us, why do we get no interest ?
    Weve kinda given up the search now. Hoping one day, someone will be found.
    Good luck with your search, i will look forward to reading your follow on blogs,and how things progress.
    I hope you find more interest than we did.
    Love Pam x

  2. September 19th, 2017 at 14:46 | #2

    @Pam Owen Hi Pam 🙂

    Sadly, we’re in New York. I’d still love to chat if you want someone to commiserate with on the lack of fuckable people in our respective areas. 😛 I find it’s easier to deal with stuff like that when you’ve got someone to talk to.

    There are a few kinky dating apps that have come on the market in the last couple years. I can’t remember them off the top of my head, but I’m sure if you search for them in your app store (if you have a smartphone/gadget), you’ll be able to find them. I’ll look around my email and such and see if I can find the names.

    I’m also sure there’s nothing wrong with you two. It’s harder as a couple looking for someone to play with both of you. Sometimes the chemistry is there for one, and not the other. It happens.

    Here’s hoping we both find a play partner soon! I’d love to keep in touch, if you’re interested. I’m on Twitter, and kik, and FetLife, or we can just use email.

    Talk soon!

  3. Pam Owen
    September 20th, 2017 at 02:29 | #3

    Hi Rayne
    Yes id love to stay in contact and chat, its nice finding a similar dynamic, looking for a similar play partner.
    Ihave searched online, found theone based in france, Fab a swingers site we joined but never really found success and that was it
    If i was good on the computer id concider starting one up, we looked on standard dating sites but they were for singles, so wasnt even a section for couples looking.
    Theres certainlya gap in the market for people with kinks.
    Either way, id love to learn about your dynamic, are you fully slave for your master.
    I say we are in between a DD and masterslave dynamic
    We live it 24/7, but having our son at home means we cannot act fully. Master slave 24/7.
    I wud love to live it seriously have a playroom, etc but at the mo, its not to be.
    But we do have fun.
    Take care Pam x

  4. September 28th, 2017 at 11:04 | #4

    @Pam Owen Gah! So much going on, right now. Approved this and promptly forgot to reply! I’m a jerk. Sorry.

    I am fully slave. M has control over everything I do, but chooses not to micromanage me. Having kids at home does make it difficult. Lots of people have figured it out, though. I used to follow a couple moms who were slaves and they had a lot of tips for ways of maintaining the dynamic without your kids being aware of what’s going on. I’ll have to look around and see if I can find them again.

    Omg a playroom would be divine, huh?

    Have you tried Adult Friend Finder or KinkedIn? I haven’t, and I haven’t really heard anything about KinkedIn. Just found it by accident when looking for kinky dating sites.

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