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And off we go…

February 1st, 2017

I pretty much failed at my January goals. I’m not even a little bit upset about it, which tells me a lot about my relationship with this site that I wasn’t ready to face until now.

Not making 30 minutes on the elliptical wasn’t completely my fault, so I’m not going to beat myself up over it. The elliptical broke and it took us a week or so to get it to work again. And then we got sick, so we stopped doing it while we got better. I’m not upset about it. Shit happens. It was an optimistic goal, anyway. When I made it, I didn’t realize just how out of shape I’d gotten.

I’m not giving up. In fact, I’m feeling better, so I’m going to get on the elliptical later today, and hope to get back to my three days on, one day off schedule this month. I have a purpose, now, that I didn’t have in the beginning of January. I realized that climbing the hills on the local DEC land is making me feel way shittier than it should, and so I’m hoping that by Spring, I’ll be in better shape, and feel good after a hike, like I used to. I can’t wait to get back into nature.

I did do a #SunnySunday post every week last month. That was hard. With the current political climate in the United States–and the fact that there is bad news on every platform first thing every morning, and last thing every night–it’s not easy to find things to be happy about. But I did it, damn it!

I made sure No Stupid (Kink) Questions and Kinktionary went up every week without fail. But that’s as far as I got. I couldn’t even bring myself to read emails or plan new posts.

As the month wore on, and the world went a little more crazy1, and I turned this site’s Patreon potential over and over in my mind, I realized I’m just done. I don’t want to write about kink anymore. It feels like a monumental waste of my time in a time when wasting time feels like a deadly sin (for lack of a better description).

I don’t write anything else anywhere else because I find myself feeling guilty if I didn’t write here first. And by the time I’m finished writing here, I don’t have any words left to write anywhere else.

This morning, when I brought it up to Master, I actually said, “I am wasting my best words on the blog.” And I haven’t even written anything ground shaking in months. If I wasn’t sure I was done before then, I was when those words came out of my mouth.

And still, I’m reluctant to close up shop.

“We don’t have to do anything, right now,” he said. “Leave it up. You might change your mind.”

And I agree. This site will stay right where it is, for now. I might keep doing #SunnySunday because I still need to spend time each week focusing on the things that make me happy. Especially with this clusterfuck of an administration whittling my rights away. I may even come back to write a journal post or two if I feel like I want/need to. But as for the rest?

This blog is on hiatus indefinitely. Thank you so much for your continued support over the last 14 years. Words cannot express how much it has meant to me. 💜

1. So here it is. My unpopular opinion on words like “crazy” and “insane” in a footnote. I’m not going to stop using them to describe things that are completely off the wall. Not ever. Because that’s what they’re for. Words are important. Words are how we communicate. The answer to ableism isn’t to stop using these words. The answer to ableism is to stop using them to describe people. Suzy isn’t nuts, she suffers from depression. Jayson isn’t insane, he battles obsessive compulsive disorder. Taylor isn’t crazy, they have schizophrenia. Removing words (that are not slurs) from our vocabulary because they could be used for evil is asinine. It only stops up communication, and if you spend even five seconds on any social media platform, you can see that we have a hard enough time communicating with each other as it is. YES, continue to point out that it’s ableist to call someone struggling with mental health issues “crazy.” Call people out when they make sweeping disparaging remarks about mental illness that are untrue (like the idea that any person with schizophrenia is absolutely going to be a serial killer). But there is a line. There’s nothing wrong with using words like “crazy” to describe the current political climate in the US. #sorrynotsorry if you disagree. Disagreements are an important part of communication, too. They’re how we learn.

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