Disclaimer: this is not the potato masher we just bought. I kinda wish it was. This is what happens when I run my mouth in Walmart instead of at home where I can search the internet for cute potato mashers. You can buy this adorable masher here: Mr. Potato Masher.

So a while back, my potato masher broke. When I say “a while,” I mean before Thanksgiving. Hell, it might have even been before Thanksgiving 2014.

I had a minor freakout when it happened. All the best Food Network chefs say not to mash potatoes with an egg beater because they get gummy.

I tried mashing them with the whisk and that shit was not happening. Our whisk is too flimsy. Instead of mashing the potatoes, it just bent all over the place and rearranged its loops. I almost caused myself to be out a whisk with the trying.

So I asked Twitter, and Twitter said, “Try a fork.”

And it worked! The potatoes were mashed. They were creamy. They were delicious.

It took me 20 minutes and every single one of my fingertips were burned, but gosh darn it, those potatoes were MASHED.

And M said, “You might have just gotten yourself into a bit of trouble because those are the creamiest mashed potatoes I’ve ever had in my life.”

Since that day, I’ve been mashing potatoes with a fork. No lie. I’m surprised I have any feeling left in my fingertips.

Seriously, Twitter? Fuck you.

So yesterday, we went to Walmart to finish up the bit of shopping we decided not to do in bulk at BJs. And we’re standing in the aisle complaining about the fact that literally no store close to us carries crushed tomatoes in cans smaller than 28oz. All the recipes I use call for 16oz or less, but no store near us carries a can that size. Dicks!

M turns to me, and says, “Well…you could buy diced tomatoes and mash them.”

I cracked the fuck up. Then I replied, “I already mash all your potatoes with a fork. Why not?”

The couple next to us looked at us a little funny, which, of course, made me laugh harder.

Damn if M didn’t stop in the middle of grocery shopping, march my ass over to the kitchen supplies section, and tell me to find a potato masher. And he threw in a pair of silicone tipped tongs, too, so I have something to use in our nonstick pans.

Just goes to show, if the squeaky wheel squeaks in the store, it gets greased.

<3

—–

I decided to search Twitter because I remembered that I tweeted about the fact that I still had not purchased a potato masher.

Every time I’m ready to mash the potatoes, I remember that the potato masher broke 2 months ago, and I still haven’t bought a new one.

— Rayne (@RayneMillaray) March 31, 2015

I distinctly remember not being able to remember when my potato masher actually broke and just pulling 2 months out of the air. It may have actually broke around Thanksgiving 2014. Either way, I’ve been mashing potatoes with a fork for a year and a half. How’s that for domestic servitude? Ha!