Home > Rayne > I’m not slacking off. Promise!

I’m not slacking off. Promise!

April 3rd, 2016

I know I’ve skipped two weeks of Kinktionary and No Stupid (Kink) Questions (and, you know, everything but #SunnySunday) and those of you who were just starting to trust me again, are like, “Man, she’s never going to get her ass in gear.”

And you’re probably right. I will probably always be flakey when it comes to the blog (outside of professional obligations) because this is my space and sometimes I just don’t feel like it. I will never be as professional with this thing as some folks are because my blog is more of a journal than what blogs have become. I’m not a brand. I’m not a business. I’m just me, putting myself out there because I can.

But! This time I have an excuse that is not “I just didn’t feel like it” or “Everybody hates me” or “Nobody reads me, anyway.” (Yay, depression!)

So up until Tuesday, I still had my wisdom teeth.

You need a little backstory to understand how big of a deal that is.

I’ve survived 3 suicide attempts (all with pills). I’m a recovering cocaine addict. I smoked cigarettes for 20 years. I’ve been pregnant five times (four live births). I’m a bit of a junk food junky. There was a period in my life where I survived solely on Milky Ways, Cheddar and Sour Cream Ruffles, and Dr. Pepper. I’ve gone through multiple periods of binging and purging, though I’m loathe to call it bulimia. I didn’t purge because I wanted to be skinny. I purged because I literally ate until I couldn’t put anything else in my stomach, and I couldn’t handle the pain of being that full. Eating until I made myself sick is something I’ve been doing since I was 4-years-old. And I go through periods of hardcore drinking (usually to self-medicate).

All of these things are known factors in rotting teeth. And here I am, about to turn 36, and I still had my wisdom teeth.

About two years ago, I noticed they were starting to rot. There was no pain. They weren’t broken. They weren’t getting infected. So I let it go. I haven’t seen a dentist since I was 16. I’ve always been petrified of the dentist, and when you add that to severe social anxiety, there was just no way I was going to go meet new people and let them stick their hands in my mouth. And since I didn’t have dental insurance, I was able to justify it. “We can’t afford it, anyway!”

About a year ago, my bottom left wisdom tooth crumbled. Like, there was only about half of it left by the time it stopped. I still didn’t have dental insurance, and there was still no pain or infection, so I ignored it. I learned to chew on the other side, and brushed my teeth after every meal to remove any debris that might get stuck in the broken tooth, and went on with life.

Then, M got dental insurance. And I still ignored it. “It’s not bothering me. Why should I go?”

Then, about six months ago, the bottom right one crumbled. And then the infections started.

A couple of weeks ago, the infections got so bad that I finally caved. Honestly, it was stupid that I waited at all. Infections in your mouth can kill you if they’re not treated. In fact, not too long ago, they discovered a mummy (I forget who it was, but I feel like it was someone well known) who was probably killed by an abscess in their mouth. With modern medicine, this rarely happens.

The dentist I visited was awesome. She recommended some fillings and oral surgery to remove the broken teeth. And she suggested that I get my other two wisdom teeth removed, too, since they would probably have to come out in the next year or so, anyway. Dental insurance only covers sedation once a year.

So I white knuckled through the pain until the extraction. And now I’m trying to get through the extraction pain on Ibuprofen and Amoxicillin. I have Percocet, too, and I’ve been taking them at night, but it makes me super loopy and tired, so I’ve been avoiding them during the day.

The surgeon was pretty awesome, too. I haven’t had anywhere near as much pain as I thought I was going to. The first couple days were pretty bad, but it was all needle site pain. I couldn’t even feel the extraction sites. A couple days ago, I started to feel the extraction sites. Even broke down and used a cold pack last night. I hate cold packs. Okay, no, I just hate being cold.

Anyway, that’s why I haven’t posted. Nursing my sore mouth. I have another appointment coming up for another procedure, but that one shouldn’t leave me nonfunctional. I am hoping to be in significantly less pain this week, and perhaps able to at least post Kinktionary and NS(K)Q. We’ll see how that goes.

Thanks for your patience!
💜

P.S. Dental insurance isn’t even making a fucking dent in the bill. They’re covering $896 of what I need done. The bill was $4,896. So…you know…that’s great.

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  1. April 3rd, 2016 at 12:07 | #1

    Look into Care Credit. It really helps me.

  2. April 3rd, 2016 at 12:54 | #2

    @ SweetSilverKitten Thanks, I will 🙂

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