Archive for March, 2016

NS(K)Q: Q63 – I have a disability. Can I BDSM?

March 11th, 2016 1 comment

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see.Β To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web.Β If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 63:

I’ve been interested in kink for a while. I finally got up the courage to poke around on Fetlife and see if I could find someone I’d be interested in playing with, and pretty quickly found a potential partner. But then I told him that I have a physical disability, and he told me that I can’t participate in kink. Without disclosing too much of my medical history, I can tell you that my disability doesn’t limit my day-to-day activities, but does limit the amount of time I can be bound before I find myself in excruciating pain. I know this from experiments with self bondage. But I still want to pursue BDSM. Can I do that, or is it somehow against the rules?

Honey, you can do whatever the fuck you want with your body, and don’t let anybody tell you any different.

But stay away from that guy because he obviously isn’t comfortable with playing with someone with a disability. I mean, maybe he could be, eventually, with some patience and practice. But it doesn’t sound like he wants to go through all that, and really, that’s his right. It’s shitty, and sort of ableist, but…I mean, do you really want to be topped by someone who doesn’t want to top you? I don’t.

And probably, you weren’t even considering trying to talk that guy into topping you, anyway. It just needed to be said in case someone in a similar situation is trying to talk someone into topping them. Read more…

Kinktionary: Kolar

March 10th, 2016 Comments off


A Gorean “onlineism.” In the Gor novels, it’s explained that a collar is is called a “ko-lar,” but it is understood that this is the phonetic spelling, and not how the word is actually spelled.

quotationShe was kneeling down and I knelt across from her. “La Kajira,” said Eta, pointing to herself. “Tu Kajira,” she said, pointing to me. “La Kajira,” I said, pointing to myself. “Tu Kajira,” I said, pointing to Eta. I am a slave girl. You are a slave girl, Eta smiles. She pointed to her brand. “Kan-lara,” she said. She pointed to my brand. “Kan-lara Dina,” she said. I repeated these words. “Ko-lar,” she said, indicating her collar. “It is the same word in English,” I cried. She did not understand my outburst. Gorean, as I would learn, is rich in words borrowed from Earth languages; how rich it is I am not a skilled enough philologist to conjecture.

Slave Girl of Gor, p. 80

John Norman never gave the actual Gorean spelling of the word. Regardless, many online Gorean role-players call a collar a “kolar” in their text-based scenes and dialogue.

Got a suggestion for our Kinktionary? Leave it in comments or email it to with “Kinktionary” in the subject!

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Yes, we are looking for a unicorn. How’s that your problem?

March 9th, 2016 3 comments

One of my favorite things about the kink community is the surface-level acceptance for everyone’s kink. “Different strokes for different folks” is our mantra. “Your kink is not my kink, but that’s okay” is our creed.

In public kinky spaces, we’re all, “Well, everyone likes different things. There’s nothing wrong with that. Do you, boo!” And as long as you don’t peel back the curtain, you’ll be okay. You’ll float along in kinky bliss believing, wholeheartedly, that no one is judging you for enjoying the smell of a sweaty foot fresh out of high heels after a 12 hour day.

But they are. Ohhhh, they are. In their semi-private chat spaces, and on Facebook, and on Twitter, they’re subtweeting your strange addictions like a motherfucker. And they expect you to pretend you don’t know they’re talking about you; that they mean all those other weirdo fetishists.

So a while back, I was bumbling around on some social media site, and someone I follow was ranting about poly people. And while they weren’t talking about M and me, I was still a little butt hurt because they were talking about people who have similar poly “rules,” if you will. Read more…

Top 100 Sex Bloggers 2015

March 8th, 2016 Comments off

Remember Rori’s Top 100 Sex Bloggers list? Sadly, Rori’s blog (and the list) has gone on hiatus. But never fear! Molly from Molly’s Daily Kiss took up the tradition. And here’s this year’s list! Make sure you check out #21. πŸ˜›

New Voice of the Year Award

This award goes to a blog that is new this year and therefore have not been around long enough to qualify for the Top Sex Bloggers list. After much sole searching I have decided that there are two winners of this award this year.

Melina Greenport: I discovered her blog through Wicked Wednesday and have fallen increasingly in love with her sexy, intelligent, beautiful writing. Seriously, if fabulous erotic fiction is your thing then this lady is going to rock your world.

Exposing 40: Exposing 40 has launched herself into the blogging world with style, grace and passion. Her site is a body positive adventure, centred around life in your 40’s. This blog is an unashamed look at, not only her body, but both male and female guests and challenges the traditional ideals of youth = beauty/sex and I am really looking forward to seeing where this project takes her in 2016.

And now with the previews done lets launch ourselves into the main event! Read more…

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Kinktionary: Flogger

March 3rd, 2016 1 comment

FloggerComparisonDue to their versatility, floggers are probably the most popular whips among sadists and masochists alike. Often referred to as a “cat of nine tails,” a flogger is a whip that usually has a rigid handle and at least nine “tails” or “falls” that are used to whip the bottom of the scene.

Generally speaking, floggers fall on the lower end of the pain spectrum, usually producing a more thuddy sensation. Of course, this depends on the material they’re made of, the weight and width of the falls, and whether the tips are cut at an angle or straight across. A rubber flogger with angled tips will sting like the dickens, whereas a leather flogger with blunt tips will feel more like a percussion massage.

How a flogger feels also depends a great deal on the person doing the whipping. A more experienced top will be better able to control their aim and the strength of the blow, which can enhance the way a flogger is feels to the bottom a great deal. Read more…