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Archive for January, 2016

Blog Digest – e[lust] 78

January 26th, 2016 Comments off
Malin

Photo courtesy of Malin James

Welcome to Elust #78 

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #79? Start with the rules, come back February 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

£10.53
Balance of Light
Advent Calendar 2015 – Day 24

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

Why Sex Fiction?
On using him

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*

Guest blog: ‘Quite Delightful’, James Deen and me
All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy! Read more…

Categories: Rayne Tags:

NS(K)Q: Q58 – Should we open our relationship?

January 22nd, 2016 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 58:

My wife and I have been talking about opening up our relationship. The idea is rather tempting. There’s nothing wrong with our relationship, currently, we just thought it might be fun to try swinging, and then, if we like that, maybe just opening it up fully. But I follow these people on Twitter who are in the middle of a divorce. They opened up their relationship, and it ended the relationship. Both of them insist that this is a positive thing. That they would have stayed in a miserable relationship forever if they hadn’t opened the relationship. But I’m not in a miserable relationship. I’m in a great relationship and I don’t want to ruin it.

So give it to me straight. How often does an open relationship kill a marriage? Should I just back out? I don’t want to ruin my wife’s fun, but I’d rather that than lose her. What should I do?

So obviously, I can’t give you specific statistics on how many marriages end in divorce because the couple decided to open their relationship. And if I could, I wouldn’t be able to tell you how many of those relationships were rock solid before they opened their relationship. Partly because people just aren’t that honest with themselves and each other, but also because those statistics just don’t exist. Read more…

Kinktionary: Funishment

January 21st, 2016 Comments off

photo by elaisted.com

photo by elaisted.com

Funishment, put simply, is punishment done for fun.

kaya, at UnderHisHand.com, explains funishment as a way to scratch the punishment fetish itch without resorting to unhealthy behaviors, like breaking a rule on purpose to elicit a response from the dominant. In her post, she discusses how occasionally (and at her master’s whim), she’ll be “in trouble” for something silly and unimportant. There will be “punishment” done in fun, and it might still suck balls, but the reality is no one’s mad. What she “did wrong” isn’t even really a rule (sort of). And the “punishment” is lighthearted and has none of the disappointment and strife of an actual punishment for actually breaking a rule.

However, in some relationships, all punishments are done in fun. Breaking rules on purpose (also referred to as ‘bratting’) is acceptable, and results in funishment. Some of these couples are firmly against real punishment, often citing domestic abuse as the reason (though there are others). Some, as in kaya’s case, have a punishment fetish. And some just enjoy funishment and/or prefer funishment to punishment.

Got a suggestion for our Kinktionary? Leave it in comments or email it to rayne@insatiabledesire.com with “Kinktionary” in the subject!

Categories: Kinktionary Tags:

I don’t know what to say.

January 20th, 2016 Comments off

This isn’t going to be a long post. I actually had something else planned for today, but then YouTube sent me down a rabbit hole that made me sad and angry and confused…I’m not sure what I want to say, or even that I should say anything. I just feel like I need to. Maybe that’s my privilege speaking. I dunno.

So, in my “Suggestions For You” box on YT, there was a video entitled “Why I’m Detransitioning.”

After staring at the thumbnail for a couple minutes, wondering why YT was suggesting this for me, I clicked. I needed to see. To understand.

Ultimately, it’s none of my business. And maybe I don’t actually need to understand because I’m not trans. But I’m inquisitive, and I like to understand people, and so I watched the video. And then I watched it again. And again.

In it, a transwoman talks about how hard transitioning is, particularly for people who don’t live or work in accepting areas. From “passing”, to the financial burden due to surgeries and court costs, to problems that arise with employment, to making changes to government-issued identification, to societal views, to acceptance from their family and friends…transitioning is hard af. On top of body dysmorphia, and any mental health issues that come with that, transitioning can be crippling. Read more…

Categories: Rayne Tags:

NS(K)Q: Q57 – What is “slave speak”?

January 15th, 2016 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 57:

My sub and I have been discussing upping the relationship ante to Master/slave. He asked me if I’d require him to speak in slave speak, and I said I don’t know. I don’t know because I have no idea what slave speak is, but I didn’t want to tell him that. So what is slave speak? And do I have to make him use it?

First of all, there are very few “have to”s in BDSM. You have to get consent from anyone you touch. You have to stay within the limits the two of you have set for each other. If you set protocols for yourself and your slave, you have to obey and enforce them. If you use a safe word or gesture, you have to stop when they’re used. If you don’t use safe words, you have to respect your partner’s “no,” or “stop.” Read more…

Kinktionary: Outing

January 14th, 2016 Comments off

So kink is kind of like Alcoholics Anonymous, in that you can talk about your involvement in kink, and you can talk abstractly about other people involved in kink, but you can never, ever tell anyone anything that would give away the identities of other people involved in kink. No one. Not any one. Not your mom, or your best friend, or your doctor, or your therapist, or your priest, or your lawyer (unless it pertains to a case you’re involved in). Not even other kinksters. Here’s why:

Unfortunately, society is still stuck on sexual taboos. Who knows where they came from or why they exist? We have a lot of guesses, and some are completely logical, but ultimately, the only thing we know for sure is at one point in our world’s history, sex was something people cherished and adored and talked about openly, and now, it is not.

Even worse are taboos surrounding “deviant sex,” or sexual behavior that steps outside of generally accepted norms. BDSM falls under that heading. And people are so incredibly terrified of people who have deviant sex (or so we assume…I mean, why else would we be persecuted so hard?) that asinine shit has been known to happen, like losing the rights to parent one’s children, losing one’s job, losing one’s home. So we keep our identities secret.

Informing Person A about Person B’s involvement with kink without Person B’s consent is called “outing”. And it’s a total dick move, bro.

Got a suggestion for our Kinktionary? Leave it in comments or email it to rayne@insatiabledesire.com with “Kinktionary” in the subject!

Categories: Kinktionary Tags: