1. I’m strong as fuck. So strong in fact, that in 2015 I slammed into a post, totaled my bike, and walked away with nothing but a few bruises and a separated AC joint. Fuck. I can do anything.
2. I am an idiot. No, really. I make bad decisions. I go around my elbow to get to my thumb. I say the wrong things. And I’m only just now beginning to realize how much I don’t know.
3. A lot of people don’t like me. Like, I always knew some people didn’t like me. That’s life, right? Nobody gets along with everybody. Except, apparently, my mother, but that woman is a saint. But this year, I realized a LOT of people don’t like me.
4. A lot of them don’t like me based on who I used to be and aren’t interested in giving me another chance. Which, I mean, I get it. I can be a bitch sometimes. I’m okay with that.
5. I’m allowed to be me, even if other people don’t like who that is. I know I’ve had a ‘gives no fucks’ reputation for a while, but I dealt with a lot of guilt about that. Society says some parts of my personality are bad, mmkay. I’m finally comfortable with saying fuck society.
6. You have to go after what you want. It’s not just going to fall into your lap.
7. I have no idea what I want. I mean, I want Master, and our relationship, and all of that. There’s no doubt about that. But beyond that? Who the fuck knows? Not me.
8. Maybe that’s okay.
9. I don’t always try hard enough. Sometimes, I allow myself to succumb to the blackhole that is anxiety and depression when I probably could pull myself out if I just tried harder. That’s not me falling for society’s theory that mentally ill people just don’t try hard enough. It’s just the plain truth.
10. I am way too hard on myself. When I make mistakes, when I can’t finish something, when I hurt someone, I beat myself up so much that sometimes I’m out of commission for days. That’s ridiculous.
11. I need to journal outside of blogging. I stopped for years. It felt redundant. I was writing in my journal and often writing the very same thing in my blog. And it became tedious. Instead of writing what I wanted to write about, I wrote about my days, which, believe it or not, don’t vary all that much. “Monday: Got up. Made breakfast. Cleaned the kitchen. Cleaned the cat box. Went for a walk. Wrote. Made dinner. Watched TV. Went to bed. Tuesday: Got up. Made breakfast. Cleaned the bathroom. Took out the trash. Went for a walk. Edited. Made dinner. Killed zombies. Went to bed.” Borrrrrring. So, I’ve begun to journal again, and I’m writing whatever’s in my head. Maybe it’ll get me writing here more often. We’ll see.
12. It’s okay to make decisions other people don’t understand. 
13. Don’t sweat the small shit. As long as the rent’s paid, and there’s food on the table, everything else is small.
14. The sun’ll come out. Maybe not tomorrow, but some day. And when it does, I will love it all the more for having missed it for so long.
15. I love my master far more than he could ever dream of loving me. He should be embarrassed. 😂

Here’s to all of us doing better in 2016, eh? Happy New Year, y’all. 🍻 🎉

Welcome to Elust #77 –

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #78? Start with the rules, come back January 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

On the Island of Mhowra

Shoulder shaming?

What becomes of the broken hearted…

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

You can hear it in my voice.

Fingers – Please Fuck me With Just Them

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
Don’t tell me sucking dick is easy

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy! Read more…

…in no particular order.

1. I’m blunt to a fault. I don’t sugarcoat things. Ever. No matter what. If the situation is shitty, I’m gonna point it out.
2. I’m not a ‘nice’ person. I don’t go around looking for people to be a dick to, but because I’m not a ‘nice’ person, sometimes I have no idea I’m being a dick. I fully know this doesn’t excuse my behavior.
3. I’m not a ‘mean’ person, either. If I did something that hurt you, the chances that I did it with malicious intent are extremely low. It’s far more likely that I just had no idea it would hurt you.
4. I’m not a good friend; especially on the internet. I try to be, but then I do things like not ship a sex toy for over a year, or disappear into my own darkness just as someone I care about is dealing with their own traumatic event. But…
5. You can always count on me to tell you the truth…even when you don’t want to hear it.
6. I’ll also always tell you when you’re doing something stupid. Unless you already know it’s stupid. In which case…
7. I will let you fall on your face, but I’ll be there to help you up when you’re ready (unless I’ve disappeared into my own darkness).
8. I will never agree with you to avoid conflict or save face. If I disagree, I’ll just say so.
9. I also will never hold our disagreements against you. Unless you’re a dick.
10. I will always tell you when you’re being a dick. I 100% expect you to do the same for me.

I was going to write some sort of apology, here, and explain how this me came to be, and blahblahblahwords. But you know what? I’m not sorry (except about sometimes being a dick…I’m sorry about that). I can only be me. Take me or leave me.

December is a really hard month for a lot of people. Maybe you lost a loved one this time last year, or your bank account is as barren as your field of fucks, or you’re on rocky ground in your relationship, or you can’t find a job, or you’re watching the news and steadily losing faith in humanity, or you’re one of the people who deal with hardcore depression around the holidays, or any of a million reasons. Statistically speaking, December is a hard month for a lot of people.

Please don’t give in. Don’t give up. You are important. You may not see it, but someone else does. You’re important to me because you give me a place to be me, and you listen, and you understand. And even if you don’t understand, you help me to see that it’s okay to be me. Before I found M and started writing to you, no one had ever done that.

I know things are hard. I know that there are days when you wake up, and you can’t even figure out the point of getting out of bed. I know that the darkness sometimes feels like it’s crushing you and stealing your breath and flogging your heart. But there will be sunshine again. I promise.

If you or someone you love is suffering, please seek help or call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1 (800) 273-8255. Please? We need you.

***Use code RAYNE at checkout for 10% off your entire order!***

Ooo, what’s that?

So when I originally requested these clamps, I was under the impression that they worked more like clover clamps than adjustable clamps. I was wrong. Reading the product description probably would have saved me a little face, but hey, whatever.

Those are the Bondage Ring Barrel Nipple Clamps by XR Brands, and they’re not bad.

How’s it made?

They’re made of coated bronze, plastic, and rubber. They’re about four and a half inches long, and they’re a little heavier than most nipple clamps. Read more…