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Archive for July, 2015

NS(K)Q: Q53 – I didn’t do it.

July 31st, 2015 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 53:

I don’t want to go into all the details, but basically I got in trouble for something I didn’t do. He’s waiting for the next time we see each other to punish me. I don’t know what to do. Help?

That really sucks. I’m sorry you’re dealing with this.

This is a tough question to answer because I don’t know what your relationship dynamic is like. Each relationship is different, and each has a different way of dealing with situations like this.

Do you have a contract with your dominant? Many people feel they’re unnecessary, but one of the reasons for writing a contract is to delineate what happens in situations such as these. It’s very important that a submissive know what their recourse is if the relationship veers off into the weeds somehow. I mean, even kinky couples have problems. Problems are just part of life. Read more…

Kinktionary: Pain Slut

July 31st, 2015 Comments off

I couldn't find an image that conveyed 'pain slut', so you get an old picture of my bruised ass. =D

I couldn’t find an image that conveyed ‘pain slut’, so you get an old picture of my bruised ass. =D

A pain slut, put simply, is someone who derives sexual pleasure from pain inflicted on their person. The level of pain a self-identified ‘pain slut’ enjoys varies person to person, but generally speaking, to be considered a pain slut by others, one must fall a little more on the extreme side.

A pain slut can identify with any gender (or no gender), sexuality (gay, straight, bi, etc.), or kinky persuasion (top, bottom, switch, etc.).

Self-identifying as a pain slut is not an invitation for pain to be inflicted on the person by anyone at any time. As with all things kinky and sexual, one must first gain a person’s consent before causing them pain in a BDSM setting.

See: Masochism.

Got a suggestion for our Kinktionary? Leave it in comments or email it to rayne@insatiabledesire.com with “Kinktionary” in the subject!

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So I’m in trouble…

July 30th, 2015 Comments off

Enjoying myselfOver not asking to fuck myself, of all things.

Like, not even not asking to fuck myself and fucking myself behind his back. Just not asking to fuck myself and not fucking myself. Pretty much ever.

It’s the weirdest fucking thing to be in trouble for.

Not because I shouldn’t be in trouble for it.

I am, after all, a pleasure slave, and it brings him pleasure to hear me ask him to masturbate, to decide whether or not I’m allowed, to watch me if he says yes, and then to decide whether or not he’s going to let me cum. He tells me that pretty regularly. I should be doing it because it brings him pleasure, if not because it benefits me, too. I mean, who doesn’t like to fuck themselves?

It’s weird because I’m constantly horny. My sex drive has far surpassed his lately. And yet, here I sit, not asking to fuck myself. Read more…

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Kinktionary: Aftercare

July 24th, 2015 Comments off

found here

found here

After a kinky play session, both top and bottom will often find themselves a little bit out of sorts. This is often caused by the ebb and flow of endorphins and the vast range of emotions that each person goes through during a scene.

Besides that, there are occasional physical after effects of a play session; accidental (or on purpose) blood letting, bruises, swelling, etc.

This is where aftercare comes in. Aftercare can be anything from providing a warm blanket in which the bottom can snuggle up, to caring for injuries. Some people provide their bottoms with a light snack, a piece of chocolate, or some juice to lessen the effects of endorphin withdrawal. Others just hold their partners until they’re less spacey and more able to deal with the environment they’re in.

Aftercare is not just for the bottom. It can be a pretty emotional thing, beating on someone you care about. Many tops find they need a bit of aftercare, as well. For some, this comes in the form of reassurance that their bottom is, in fact, a bottom, and does enjoy their play sessions. For others, a warm blanket and a snack is the way to go.

As with everything in kink, the jury’s out on whether or not aftercare is necessary. For some it absolutely is, while others can get off (or however they finish a play session) and go back to work (or cleaning house, or whatever).

Bottom line? Do what works for you and your partner(s).

Got a suggestion for our Kinktionary? Leave it in comments or email it to rayne@insatiabledesire.com with “Kinktionary” in the subject!

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NS(K)Q: Q52: He Wants the Gift of Submission

July 17th, 2015 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 52:

My longterm boyfriend recently discovered Fifty Shades of Grey. (You’re rolling your eyes so hard I can hear them. Stop it.) I pointed him to this video, and suggested that he do more research, and now he’s talking about ‘the gift of submission’, and how awesome it would be if I could find it within myself to give him that gift. I’m all about kinky sex, but I don’t think I’m cut out for submission. What do I do?

Well, first of all, it sounds like your boyfriend is still taking his cues from Christian Grey. Check out this post on Upworthy.com to see what I mean.

BDSM is not about being coerced into being something you’re not1. Consent can not be coerced or forced. I can’t express this enough. Read more…

Kinktionary: Power Exchange

July 17th, 2015 Comments off

found here

found here

Power exchange is exactly what it sounds like. Person A gives a little or a lot of power over their body, or life, or mind (or any combination of the three) to Person B. In exchange, (and in the most simply put way possible because there are thousands of services Person A and Person B provide each other) Person B agrees to keep Person A safe while controlling the things Person A has given them power over.

This can look different from relationship to relationship. The levels of control Person A is willing to give up varies greatly, person to person. Some people allow their partners to control everything, from what they wear to how they speak to where they’re allowed to go. Other people only allow their partners to control things that happen in the bedroom. As with most things in BDSM, it all comes down to consent and the needs and desires of the people involved.

Got a suggestion for our Kinktionary? Leave it in comments or email it to rayne@insatiabledesire.com with “Kinktionary” in the subject!

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