Home > Rayne > InsatiableDesire.com Is A Real Neat Blog

InsatiableDesire.com Is A Real Neat Blog

May 8th, 2015


kaya over at Under His Hand nominated me for the Real Neat Blog Award, which just tickled me to death because I didn’t even know people still did these things. Plus, my blog kinda sucks right now, so I mean, I’m completely undeserving. But I totally needed some sort of “Hey, I see you, lame-o. Get your ass in gear!” and though I know she totally didn’t mean it that way (but even if she did, I’m okay with it), I’m hoping to use this award (and her bad ass questions) as a jumping off point to get back in the saddle. So thanks, kaya! Your nom means more than I could put to words.

Here are the stipulations:

1) Put the award logo in your post
2) Answer 7 questions asked by the person who nominated you
3) Nominate any number of bloggers you like, linking to their blogs
4) Let them know you nominated them

1. How long have you been blogging? How has your blogging changed from the beginning to now?

I’ve been blogging at this domain since 2005, but InsatiableDesire was born under a different name (that I really can’t remember…how’s that for dedication?) in 2003. We transferred all the old posts, so I’m pretty sure the backlog here goes back to 2003, but anything before 2005 was written there.

Aside from the differences in the way I wrote, and that time I was playing with formatting and colors, and the months I decided to write in slavespeak to help me learn to speak in slavespeak while I was being trained to be a Gorean pleasure slave (all of which is still there because I still haven’t finished editing..it’s been, like, 9 years), I think I’ve grown up a bit. Instead of just bitching and moaning when I talk about personal things related to my slavery, I actually take the time to try to dissect the way I’m feeling, and how it’s affecting my slavery.

I think my writing has matured some. Instead of just ranting in the rambling style that used to be my trademark, I try to be more focused, and stick to the point I’m trying to make.

The focus has changed some. I went from mostly navel gazing to looking at the world around me, and trying to be a part of the solution rather than the problem. I’ve been making an effort to throw in some facts and education, rather than just blathering on about my unpopular opinions. And I’ve decided I don’t really give a fuck what a sex/kink blog is supposed to look like; I’m gonna just do what I want in this little space I’ve carved out for myself.

But I think the biggest change has been that I’ve stopped trying to force the blog (or myself) to be something I’m not. I’m never going to comfortably be a social butterfly, and trying to use the blog as a window to the social side of the kinky internet puts way too much pressure on me to assimilate. I don’t want to assimilate. I prefer to be myself. If that nets me kinky social status, fine. But if it doesn’t, that’s fine too.

2. Have you had a ‘scene’ end badly? How was that handled, if so? Did it shake the confidence of either of you for the next scene?

There have been a few scenes to which I’ve reacted badly, for one reason or another. In the beginning of our relationship, I didn’t understand sub drop, like at all, and so when it would hit, I’d lash out at M, which would make him think I was only going along with the kink to appease him. That shook his confidence a bit, because when you’ve been involved in kink as long as he has, you hear countless horror stories about submissives who change their minds after a scene they consented to but didn’t enjoy, and then accuse their dominants of abuse. How many of the stories are true, who really knows? There are three sides to every story, after all; yours, mine, and the truth.

I didn’t really understand what I was doing, so it took a lot of talking, and me educating myself, to break that cycle.

I think the only scene that actually ended badly was the one in which a large lump formed across my breast from where it meets my sternum to the nipple. M freaked out because he was worried that I was seriously hurt. And back then, BDSM wasn’t quite so mainstream, so dominants who accidentally hurt their submissives were being charged with assault regardless of consent. It was a long time before M caned my tits with my arms tied over my head again. The lump hasn’t come back. So weird. We think it may have actually been a vein rising to the surface, like when you’re giving blood, and they slap your arm to find the vein.

We’ve had tons of scenes start badly, though. Like the time I thought he was angry with me, but really he was just really horny.

And then there was the time I wasn’t eating (by my choice and against his wishes) or sleeping (yay insomnia!), and I was having terrible hallucinations during the day and nightmares when I could sleep, and I was convinced that some day in the very near future M was going to murder me, so I freaked out any time he wanted to play. That was a terrible time. I eventually left (for four hours). That definitely shook our confidence.

I began maintaining a healthy eating schedule and taking sleep aids when necessary. We spent a lot of time talking about what happened, and what we wanted, and where we were going. We backed off of the more extreme side of our dynamic for a really long time. We’re really only just getting back to where we were, but there’s something different. Something deeper. It would have been nice if we could have gotten here without me losing my mind, but honestly, we’re so much better for it.

3. Do you have any rituals in your relationship? If so, what are they? If not, do you wish you did?

The only two rituals that have stood the test of time in our relationship is our goodnight kiss, and kneeling until I have permission to get on the bed or go to sleep. And the kneeling thing was actually stopped for a really long time. I’m not even really sure when or why. But it’s back, now, and it makes me really happy.

Occasionally, Master orders me to serve food or drink “the way you’re supposed to,” which means the way a Gorean slave would serve food or drink. The way I was trained is to kneel with my thighs parted, prepare all drinks before the master, and lift the vessel (plate, cup, whatever) over my bowed head, arms outstretched. Then I’m to wait until he takes it, and remain kneeling until he releases me from his service, or to do whatever else he wants me to do.

Here’s the thing…

Have you ever seen someone kneel before someone else with a vessel raised over their head? Notice how, depending on the height of the furniture on which the master is seated, and the height of the slave, and the height of the master themself, this puts the vessel either in the master’s face, or over the master’s head? Which is even worse when you consider the fact that Goreans don’t use furniture, so the slave is on the same level while serving the master. Ridiculous, right? So this position has to be adjusted a bit based on the people involved and the surfaces on which they’re supporting themselves.

Kajira life would be a whole lot easier if masters just sat on bar stools all the time. Hrmph.

4. What is your opinion on the “has to’s” for a dominant? Do you think there are any actions or decisions a dominant “has to” make? Are there any particular actions or decisions that your dominant makes that cement his or her role to you?

As far as I’m concerned, the only action or decision a dominant has to make is to be whoever and do whatever the fuck they want. M’s steadfast confidence in his way and who he is, society (kinky or otherwise) be damned, is the most attractive emotional trait I’ve ever seen in a man. Probably because it was always so hard for me to resist the sway of popular opinion when I was younger. Believe it or not, I was not always this, “Fuck you, I’m doing me.” No…no…it’s true.

5. If you are/could be an activist in the world of kink, what is/would your cause be and why. What about outside the world of kink?

I have to choose just one? Bleh. Fine.

Within the kink community, it would be for us to all be more tolerant and accepting of each other’s dynamics, kinks, ways of life, level of kinky experience/education, etc., and less elitist and snarky.

I used to be part of the problem. Over the past few years, I’ve run into a few people who used to come to me for advice or call me friend way back in the day, and more than a few have said some variation of, “You made me feel like I could never be good enough.” You think I’m an asshole now? Ffs.

I was young, and stupid, and thought I knew everything. These days, I’m old (if you ask the late 20- early 30- somethings…to whom, I say “Thhphhbt!” Oops…got a little spittle on ya, there. Sorry about that.), stupid, and know that I don’t know shit but what I think and feel. So I’m trying (and sometimes failing) to remember that no one else is me. Everyone else has their own interests, and likes and dislikes, and desires, and opinions, and if mine are valid, then theirs are, too. Even if I think they’re stupid. Because, I mean, who am I to decide what is and isn’t stupid? I’m just as dumb as the rest of us.

Outside of the kink community, my activism of choice would be very similar. We claim we want equality, but in reality, what we seem to want, these days, is for everyone to be exactly like us, whatever that means. Everyone must believe the things we believe, and eat the things we eat, and do the things we do, and enjoy the things we enjoy, and have the opinions we have, and…and if they don’t, they’re dicks.

And honey…that’s just not how the world works. Nor should it be. How incredibly banal life would be if we all shared all the same everything. It might be peaceful. But boy, would it be boring.

Nowhere in The Constitution does it say “as long as you hold [this opinion].” We claim our freedoms are granted to everyone within our borders, regardless of religion, race, gender, sexuality, or creed, and we should damn well stand by it, even if someone disagrees with us.

6. Do you ever fall victim to the comparison trap of kink? Have you ever pushed yourself to take more because so-n-so did it? Have you ever felt your dominant wasn’t doing it right because you don’t have some of the seemingly standard rules or practices that others have?

Yes. No. Yes.

The thing that most comes to mind is how laid back Master is. I mean, if I fuck up, I’m called on it, and if he feels it necessary, I’m punished, but he doesn’t make a big deal of things. I usually make a bigger deal of it than he does. While other dominants tend to get angry and growly and mean, Master usually just calmly tells me what I did (am doing) wrong, and lets me know what’s going to happen if I do it again. Unless and until I run my mouth, at which point he happily reminds me of my place however he sees fit.

For a long time, I thought that made him lenient and leniency is a bad trait in a master, mmkay? But he’s not. He’s strict af. He’s just not really interested in blowing up over me making a mistake.

Besides, leniency isn’t a bad trait in a master if that’s who he wants to be. Fuck all you mofos who say different. Miley Cyrus emoji.

And, for that matter, if I did something ‘really bad’ I’d probably get my ass handed to me. I just don’t do really bad things.

7. What are your top 5 favorite websites on the World Wide Web? Do you spend more time on kink-oriented sites or vanilla sites?

Twitter‘s #1. Duh.

After that, in no special order, I’m gonna say Instagram (what? I told you I’m a voyeur), Upworthy, TheBloggess, and any site that allows me to feed my news addiction.

Ugh…now the nominating part. I hate this part.

Here we go:

Mr. Will’s House of Thrills
Reenie’s Sextopia
Property of Potter
Kink With Krissy
A Roll in the Hay

Here’s the questions you have to answer. I mean, you don’t have to. I’m totally okay with you completely ignoring this. Cuz I’m chill like that. But if you so choose, you must answer these questions. Or something…

1. Why did you start blogging?
2. If your site had a goal, what would it be? How do you feel you’re doing with that goal, right now? How do you feel you’ve done with that goal over all?
3. How has blogging influenced your life?
4. What is your favorite part of blogging?
5. Are you kinky? How did you come to this conclusion?
6. What do you want to be when you grow up?
7. What is the most important thing about you that you want everyone to know?

Categories: Rayne Tags:
  1. Heaven
    May 10th, 2015 at 16:57 | #1

    Yes you do have a really neat blog, I always enjoy reading your stuff.

Comments are closed.
%d bloggers like this: