Kinktionary: Consent to Non-Consent
In February, we defined consent thusly:
“Consent, literally defined, is permission. In a BDSM setting, consent is the only thing separating sadomasochism from assault.
Consent is required for each and every act in a play session, sex, any touching, a relationship, collaring, setting a relationship dynamic, a change in relationship dynamic…Consent cannot be coerced or forced.
Consent in BDSM is a fluid thing, and can be revoked at any time. This means that at any point during a relationship or play session, a person (dominant, submissive, or switch) is allowed and expected to speak up when their partner delves into an area they’re not comfortable with. …”
Consent to non-consent (also called consensual non-consent) is an agreement that one person is allowed to disregard the wishes of another person in situations decided upon by the people involved.
Some people view consent to non-consent as a blanket thing. This is usually the case in master/slave or owner/property relationships. This can be referred to as giving up the right to say no, and is often used as an example of ‘true slavery’.
Example:
Submissive A (SA) is collared by Dominant A (DA). They’ve agreed that DA is allowed to do whatever she wants with and to SA, even if what DA wants to do goes against limits SA has set previously. This is blanket consent to non-consent (also referred to as ‘no limits slavery’) and covers every interaction DA has with SA. However, SA can revoke her consent to non-consent at any time.
Other people view consent to non-consent as a case-by-case thing.
Example:
Submissive B (SB) plans to play with Dominant B (DB). SB tells DB that he doesn’t really like cock and ball torture (CBT), but that part of his kink is being forced to endure CBT. SB tells DB that if he says no during a CBT scene, DB should ignore it, and continue with what DB is doing. This is situational consent to non-consent (also referred to as ‘edge play’). In this case, SB has given DB consent to push past SB’s no only with CBT, and not with any other sort of play. If DB pushes past SB’s no with anything else, this is sexual assault.
PLEASE NOTE:
Consent to non-consent does not negate a person’s right to revoke consent. Consent is a fluid thing, and a person has the legal right to change their mind at any time regardless of relationship dynamic or kinky persuasion.
Got a suggestion for our Kinktionary? Leave it in comments or email it to rayne@insatiabledesire.com with “Kinktionary” in the subject!
