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30 Days of Kink: Kink the Reality v. Kink the Fantasy

March 11th, 2015

30 Days of KinkFor the rest of this series, and links to others who have participated, click here.

How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink?

These days I shy away from this question because I don’t like to step all over anyone else’s lifestyle. I mean, there are some things that are never going to be attainable for M and me that other people incorporate into their daily lives without breaking a sweat. That’s just the way life works. So instead of trying to define kinky reality and kinky fantasy for everyone (which would force me to talk out my ass more than usual), I’m just going to discuss what the differences have been for me.

When M and I talked about 24/7 slavery, what I envisioned was a lot like Exit to Eden. The book, not the movie, because BDSM is srs bidness, mmkay? and that movie is f’ing hilarious.

I don’t remember all the details of the book, but I do remember the room of slaves. Basically, it was a warehouse-type room full of slaves and a couple trainers, and the slaves were numbered and examined and blah. It was an introduction, of sorts, to the island.

I really need to read that book again.


The slaves were always in use, and it was always sexual. There were chores, but they, too, were made sexual somehow. The punishments were mostly erotic, the transgressions manufactured. Interactions between master and slave were always beneficial and enjoyed by both parties. If you were new, learning how to be a slave and then doing it was effortless and seamless and completely positive. Life (as master or slave) in Eden was grand.

I mean, it was called Eden for a reason.

Let me tell you…ain’t nothing sexual about hand-washing dishes. And learning how to be a slave IS NOT fucking effortless.

The first few years of our relationship were pretty strained.

I was coming out of a 6 year, on again, off again relationship with an abusive prick. I had a hard time, sometimes, distinguishing between play time and punishment. I’ve never been a very good communicator, so instead of telling M how this was affecting me, I would just be surly and sarcastic and tell him there was nothing wrong.

Besides that, I had no idea what I wanted. I mean, I had an idea, but every time we tried to put something in to practice, I’d freak out because the reality was very different than my Exit to Eden fantasies.

I got punished a lot. REAL punishment, none of that play punishment nonsense. Wtf even is a ‘play punishment’? And when did being a disrespectful twat become ‘cute’?

I don’t always get what I want. I’m not always in service. When I am in service, it isn’t always erotic, or even sexual. And sometimes, we go weeks without any real kinky play. Aside from sex, but sex is not synonymous with kink.

And that’s another thing. The sex isn’t always kinky.

I know, right?! Ffs!

But you know what? I’m much more suited to Kink the Reality. So it worked out.


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