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Archive for February 27th, 2015

NS(K)Q: Q49 – How do I tell my very anti-kink family?

February 27th, 2015 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 49:

I was in D/s relationship while I was married for 7yrs. It wasn’t known to our family, but some came out during our divorce. I’ve been divorced for 4yrs. I just recently started a master/slave relationship. He is very comfortable talking to his friends about this since they’ve known this is what he likes. My family is very religious. He has asked me if I have told anyone about our relationship? Honestly, no I haven’t. I’m not ashamed of him or our relationship. I know my family and friends wouldn’t approve. How do I bring this up to my friends and family?

If you’re really, for real interested in the how, I wrote a little about that in this series. You can find that post here. I’ll probably reiterate a lot of what was said there in this post, with the added advantage of kink being a little more mainstream today than it was in 2011 (thanks, 50 Shades). However, you’ve said some things here that cause me a little bit of concern, for both you and your master, so I’d like to touch on those things as well.

Let’s start with this: Telling the family about your sex life is not mandatory. Read more…

Kinktionary: Consent

February 27th, 2015 Comments off

consent-is-mandatoryConsent, literally defined, is permission. In a BDSM setting, consent is the only thing separating sadomasochism from assault.

Consent is required for each and every act in a play session, sex, any touching, a relationship, collaring, setting a relationship dynamic, a change in relationship dynamic…Consent cannot be coerced or forced.

Consent in BDSM is a fluid thing, and can be revoked at any time. This means that at any point during a relationship or play session, a person (dominant, submissive, or switch) is allowed and expected to speak up when their partner delves into an area they’re not comfortable with. This is often one of the reasons for incorporating a safe word into a play session or relationship, but using a safe word is not a requirement to revoke a person’s consent. Read more…

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