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Archive for February, 2015

NS(K)Q: Q49 – How do I tell my very anti-kink family?

February 27th, 2015 Comments off

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 49:

I was in D/s relationship while I was married for 7yrs. It wasn’t known to our family, but some came out during our divorce. I’ve been divorced for 4yrs. I just recently started a master/slave relationship. He is very comfortable talking to his friends about this since they’ve known this is what he likes. My family is very religious. He has asked me if I have told anyone about our relationship? Honestly, no I haven’t. I’m not ashamed of him or our relationship. I know my family and friends wouldn’t approve. How do I bring this up to my friends and family?

If you’re really, for real interested in the how, I wrote a little about that in this series. You can find that post here. I’ll probably reiterate a lot of what was said there in this post, with the added advantage of kink being a little more mainstream today than it was in 2011 (thanks, 50 Shades). However, you’ve said some things here that cause me a little bit of concern, for both you and your master, so I’d like to touch on those things as well.

Let’s start with this: Telling the family about your sex life is not mandatory. Read more…

Kinktionary: Consent

February 27th, 2015 Comments off

consent-is-mandatoryConsent, literally defined, is permission. In a BDSM setting, consent is the only thing separating sadomasochism from assault.

Consent is required for each and every act in a play session, sex, any touching, a relationship, collaring, setting a relationship dynamic, a change in relationship dynamic…Consent cannot be coerced or forced.

Consent in BDSM is a fluid thing, and can be revoked at any time. This means that at any point during a relationship or play session, a person (dominant, submissive, or switch) is allowed and expected to speak up when their partner delves into an area they’re not comfortable with. This is often one of the reasons for incorporating a safe word into a play session or relationship, but using a safe word is not a requirement to revoke a person’s consent. Read more…

Kinktionary: Masochism

February 20th, 2015 Comments off

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You can find the vid to go with this image at DeviceBondage.com

One of the words referenced in the acronym “BDSM“.

Masochism is gaining pleasure, sexual or otherwise, from having pain inflicted on your person. Masochism has many levels, some of which are unhealthy. However, masochism by itself is no longer considered a mental defect by the medical community, and was omitted from The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).

Masochism, as it pertains to BDSM, is the enjoyment of having pain inflicted on your body with your full knowledge and consent, and sometimes your direction. A masochist may enjoy physical or emotional pain, or both. They usually derive some sort of sexual gratification from the act, but they don’t always.

Got a suggestion for our Kinktionary? Leave it in comments or email it to rayne@insatiabledesire.com with “Kinktionary” in the subject!

NS(K)Q: Q48 – Cumming Kills the Party

February 20th, 2015 1 comment

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 48:

I know you say there are no stupid questions, but I feel like this is a REALLY stupid question.

I’m the Dom, and I’ve been doing D/s with my wife (of several years) for several months now, and I always have the same problem.

I’m a sadist and I really love to work on her. I love bondage and humiliation and she gets off on both. The problem is that after I come, I turn into a peacenik; I just can’t bring myself to hit or hurt or command or demand. If my sub is in predicament when I come, I instinctively rip her out of it like I’m rescuing her from Snively Whiplash. It’s a real scene killer.

How do I keep the kink going post-orgasm? Writing it out like this makes it seem silly, but it really is starting to be an issue.

Actually, this is pretty common. For many (top or bottom), sadomasochistic fantasies are wholly driven by sexual desire. Once that sexual desire is fulfilled, many find they’re no longer interested, or are embarrassed or ashamed by their fantasies. Read more…

Blog Digest – e[lust] #67

February 17th, 2015 Comments off

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Photo courtesy of Rebels Notes

Welcome to Elust #67 

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #68? Start with the rules, come back March 1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

For our UK readers, we would like to make a special request that you take a moment and fill out this petition to repeal the new censorship laws.

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Yes, Squirting is Real (And it’s not pee.)

These men make me SO angry

Still Kinky After All These Years

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

When It Rains
You want me to read what?

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
Due to technical difficulties there is no Readers Choice selection this month

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy! Read more…

Categories: Rayne Tags:

Kinktionary: Sadism

February 6th, 2015 1 comment

from DreamsOfSpanking.com

from DreamsOfSpanking.com – See full vid here.

One of the words referenced in the acronym “BDSM“.

Sadism is gaining pleasure, sexual or otherwise, from seeing someone else in pain and/or causing that pain. Sadism has many levels, some of which are unhealthy. However, sadism by itself is no longer considered a mental defect by the medical community, and was omitted from The Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM).

Sadism, as it pertains to BDSM, is the enjoyment of seeing someone else in pain or causing that pain with their full knowledge and consent. A sadist may enjoy seeing someone in physical or emotional anguish, or both. They usually derive some sort of sexual gratification from the act, but they don’t always.

Got a suggestion for our Kinktionary? Leave it in comments or email it to rayne@insatiabledesire.com with “Kinktionary” in the subject!