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NS(K)Q: Q47 – Dominant Guilt

January 30th, 2015 4 comments

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 47:

My girlfriend and I have been together over four years. Coming into the relationship, we knew that we had each been in D/s relationships previously, and actively practiced our kinks. As time went on, I’ve begun to feel even more submissive to her but she has been less dominant. She says that she still enjoys it but finds it hard to dominate or release her sadist nature because she “loves me too much and feels like she’s hurting me after a scene”. When she does let her Dom/Sadist nature out, it’s FANTASTIC until her second thoughts kick in. What can I do to help her get past this, to see that she’s not hurting me but giving me exactly what I need?

Your girlfriend’s reaction is not an uncommon one. From very young ages, we’re taught not to hurt those we love intentionally, so it’s only natural to feel a bit guilty after hurting our romantic partner…and enjoying it.

There are lots of things you can do to help her get through this. Here’s just a few to get you started: Read more…

Kinktionary: Submission

January 30th, 2015 1 comment

found here - if you are or know the photographer, please let me know so I can give proper credit

found here – if you are or know the photographer, please let me know so I can give proper credit

One of the words referenced in the acronym “BDSM“.

To submit is to give up control. The act of submission, as it pertains to BDSM, is the consensual relinquishing of control to another person, usually (but not always) a dominant. The control can be service or sexually oriented, both, neither. It all depends on the desires of the people involved.

A person who likes to submit to people can fall anywhere on the gender or sexuality spectrum. The level of control a submissive relinquishes to their dominant varies from relationship to relationship, and sometimes from encounter to encounter. Submission may include masochistic play, or it may not. Submission may include bondage, or it may not. Ultimately, what it all boils down to is control, however that manifests for the people involved.

Got a suggestion for our Kinktionary? Leave it in comments or email it to rayne@insatiabledesire.com with “Kinktionary” in the subject!