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NS(K)Q: Q43 – Humiliation Techniques for Beginners

December 18th, 2014

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 43:

I’ve recently entered into a d/s relationship, and I’m looking for some good humiliation techniques for beginners.

So this one’s a little difficult because when it comes to emotional sadomasochism (which, in a sense, is what humiliation play is), it’s hard to know what’s going to trigger a reaction we don’t want unless one or both of the people involved are experienced in humiliation play. This is just one of the many reasons that open, honest communication is so important in kink.

Humiliation is used for many different reasons. Some of us bottoms are straight up emotional masochists. Some of us enjoy emotional sadism because we feel it keeps us in our place. Some of us are turned on by it because it’s outside of the realm of what we do in our day to day lives. The type of humiliation play you want to engage in is going to depend on why you want to engage in humiliation play.

For that matter, what is humiliating to one person is not humiliating to the next. For example, many people would be absolutely mortified and completely humbled if their dominant partner called them a slut in public, but there ain’t no shame in my game. M calls me a slut in public, and I agree with him, no matter who’s around.

Popular Types Of Humiliation Play

Name Calling Most people start here. This is most likely because it’s easy and it’s an accepted form of “dirty talk” in the bedroom. This ranges from playful to insulting, and, of course, depends entirely on what the person being called names is into. Occasionally, you may run up on a name that doesn’t work for you, whether it be something that just doesn’t resonate on a personal level, or something that triggers a bad reaction.

Begging Begging is one that still gets me, but mostly because I’m always afraid I’m doing it wrong. Can you beg wrong? Anyway…it is what it sounds like. The bottom is made to beg for things it wants, from a piece of gum, to sex, depending on the desires of the couple.

Age Play This is not necessarily parent/child play, but it can be. People use it as a form of training, a way to make the bottom completely dependent on the top…the reasons go on and on. Popular acts include making the bottom wet their pants, drink from a bottle, or wear a diaper. Some folks also use punishments usually reserved for children, like standing in the corner.

Animal Play The most popular of this type of play is puppy play, which usually includes things like playing fetch, eating from a dog bowl, and being denied the privilege of using furniture. There are also many kitty bottoms who wear collars with bells, play with yarn, and scratch the furniture. Luckily, their claws don’t do as much damage as those of the feline variety.

Inanimate Object Play Another good one for beginners, this form of humiliation play can range from human artwork to using a person as furniture. There are even toys aimed at this type of play, like a gag that doubles as a mount for various things like a feather duster or an ashtray. I’ve seen some extreme bondage furniture around the web, including a table complete with functional lamp within which you can lock a slave. But the easiest way to test the waters with this form of play is to have the bottom act as a footstool. Offer them some pillows, or something, if you’ve got hard floors. No sense ruining their joints.

You can find a more detailed list of humiliation play here: Humiliation Chart by Sir Viktor

A Warning

Not all humiliation play is for everyone. A friend of mine is a sex trafficking survivor and refuses to play with anything related to prostitution. Another friend doesn’t do race play (for obvious reasons). One of my male sub friends is completely against forced feminization (which is a biggie for some in the fem dom/male sub dynamic).

Be careful how you handle triggers (known or newly discovered through humiliation play). If the bottom reacts badly to something you’re experimenting with, try not to lay blame or make accusations. It’s no one’s fault. We all run into things we didn’t know we wouldn’t like from time to time. Talk through it, file it away as a lesson learned, and avoid it in the future.

  1. December 19th, 2014 at 22:28 | #1

    Awesome informative read. I don’t think it can ever be stressed enough that no matter the kink good open and honest communication is always required. One never knows when trying something new how they will truly react. In being able to communicate well no matter the reaction it can help strengthen the relationship.

  2. RynJ21
    January 4th, 2015 at 18:30 | #2

    Humiliation play interests and perplexes me because I’ve never felt humiliated. Granted, I don’t tend to feel shame in general, so I’m not sure if I could successfully participate this type of play as a bottom.

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