Gandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 41:

What’s the difference between a submissive and a slave?

There was an article floating around somewhere that said, “A submissive is a volunteer. A slave is not.” That sums it up quite nicely.

There are three main labels, for lack of a better word, used to identify those of us who enjoy being the one tied up and spanked. They are “bottom,” “submissive,” and “slave.” These days, “submissive” and “bottom” each have two meanings, really. They’re both used as a heading to describe all bottom-types in BDSM relationships, some folks feeling like “bottom” is a better heading because not all bottoms are submissive. They also each have their own definition.

Everyone defines these labels differently based on their own experience and relationships. But this is how I understand them: Read more…

Alternate title: My Unpopular Opinions Get Me In Trouble Again

So unless you’ve been living under a rock for the past month, you know humanity landed spacecraft on a comet. This is pretty huge. Go, humans. You (probably) did something good.

You’ve also probably heard that one of the scientists involved in the project showed up to an interview wearing a bowling shirt covered in sexy ladies in latex. If you haven’t, let me show you:

As you can imagine, that launched a venerable shit storm that ultimately resulted in the scientist breaking down into a tearful apology on television.

Uhm…go humans, I guess?

Except not really, because holy double standards, Batman! Read more…

Photo courtesy of Cheeky Minx

Welcome to Elust #64 –

The only place where the smartest and hottest sex bloggers are featured under one roof every month. Whether you’re looking for sex journalism, erotic writing, relationship advice or kinky discussions it’ll be here at Elust. Want to be included in Elust #65? Start with the rules, come back December1st to submit something and subscribe to the RSS feed for updates!

On a special note I want to mention that the judges voting on Elust is often very close, this month more than most. You all do such fine work that it is very hard for us to come up with the final results.

~ This Month’s Top Three Posts ~

Ownership: On Sexuality & Feminine Relations

Tool Time

Seven – A Fairytale of Sorts

~ Featured Post (Molly’s Picks) ~

The Love Letter of O
To My Single Submissive Friends – Be Brave

~ Readers Choice from Sexbytes ~

*You really should consider adding your popular posts here too*
What S/He Said: Pressing Stop

All blogs that have a submission in this edition must re-post this digest from tip-to-toe on their blogs within 7 days. Re-posting the photo is optional and the use of the “read more…” tag is allowable after this point. Thank you, and enjoy! Read more…

Gandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 40:

Okay so you explained what a collar is, but how do I ask for one?

So it’s like this:

(I may say that a little too often…oh well.)

Different people have different expectations.

In the years I’ve been running around the web, I’ve heard of so many different ways of doing this. For some, it’s the submissive’s responsibility to ask to be collared, and the dominant decides if this is appropriate. For others, the submissive should somehow make her desire known, but the one who does the asking is the dominant. And for still others, no one asks. The collar just goes round the neck. Read more…

I recently shut off comments on posts that were more than a year old. I’m kinda bummed about it because I really love my old posts, and love hearing from new readers as they get further in my archive. But when the number of people only commenting on 4-year-old posts that talk about me being fat (to tell me I’m too fat to be a slave and/or fat acceptance is wrong) or getting in trouble (to tell me they never get in trouble) began to outweigh the number of people telling me they’ve been helped by my old posts, I realized it was time to shut it down. But that doesn’t mean I can’t talk about it.

Some things you need to know before I start this rant:

1. I’m still fat.
2. I care even less about your opinion on my weight now than I did four years ago.
3. I’m writing this to teach you what fat acceptance is and isn’t, not to defend my weight. (see point 2)
4. Comments are moderated on this blog because our spam filter is mediocre at best. However, any comments left on this post berating me or someone else for being fat will be deleted. Keep the conversation on point. Period.

So four years ago, a post on Humbled Females that said fat women are slaves to food and not their owners (in other words, you can be too fat to be a slave) was brought to my attention, and I wrote about it. Read more…

Gandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 39:

I don’t believe in BDSM. You’ll never convince me that women actually like being beaten and controlled. In fact, I think all of you submissives need a good dose of feminism to wake you up and show you how you’re helping the patriarchy. What’s stopping me, or someone like me, from reporting your “owner” to the police?

~deep breath~

Where to begin…

First of all, let’s look at this “feminist” idea that women are too stupid to know they’re being manipulated, shall we?

Because you know that’s what you’re saying, right? Read more…