Home > No Stupid (Kink) Questions > No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 33 – What’s a collar for, anyway?

No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 33 – What’s a collar for, anyway?

September 16th, 2014

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 33:

What’s a collar for, anyway?

It depends.

On what?

On the person wearing it and the relationship they’re in.

Technically, I wear two physical collars on a regular basis. I say “physical” because the collars are more of a symbol than anything.

It’s kinda like a wedding ring. I’m no less married if I take my wedding ring off than when I wear it (though I only take it off when I’m cooking, or putting on lotion, or whatever). The ring is just a physical symbol that lets others know I’m married. Same goes for the collars I wear. Except one is a necklace that appears to be a necklace, so if I’m not wearing my Eternity Collar, only Master and I know what it means. Well, and others who know us and know the backstory, obviously.

This is not to say that I don’t cherish my symbols of marriage and ownership. I do. Very much.

Sometimes, though, a collar isn’t a symbol of ownership. Sometimes it’s a symbol of a desire to be owned. Sometimes, it’s just a fashion accessory.

Beyond that, there are all sorts of other reasons to collar someone. Some people are collared for protection, to be sure that they make the right decisions for themselves, and to protect them from predatory dominants who might do them harm (or so I’m told…in many cases, my friends’ protection collars felt, to me, like a way to control the submissive without actually owning the submissive, but what do I know?). Some people are collared for training, and are learning what it means to be submissive or slave. Some collars are for consideration, or a sort of probationary period where dominant and submissive learn about each other and decide if the relationship is right for them.

I have multiple “play” collars which we only use when we’re playing. We recently retired one because it gives me a rash when I wear it. It was just a cheap leather dog collar with steel studs from Walmart.

We just recently ordered a much more strict and severe locking collar from Mercury BDSM Design. It’s this one, only M’s having a D ring installed on the side opposite the lock. This will be more of a training collar in that I will be wearing it at home as a reminder of my station in life. At least, I think. So far, the only thing he’s said about it is, “I think that collar will be a great reminder that you’re an owned animal, don’t you?”

M insists that strict, sturdy leather is better for this than the more forgiving steel that I wear 24/7. M logic is weird.

  1. September 16th, 2014 at 12:27 | #1

    I dig the article – and I dig the premise of this whole series more.

    With those 50 silly shades getting so many curious to try something new, it’s useful – I’d say vital – to have a space where people can ask questions without fearing embarrassment. With luck, their question might even have already been answered.

    People new to anything can be timid about asking questions of others, and timidity when asking about anything sexual is almost universal. The combination of the two – asking about fetishes, BDSM, and other kinky fun – can turn reluctance into paralysis, leading them into playing dangerously out of ignorance or, worse, just not playing at all!

    Cheers, and keep up the good work;

    (PS: The link “Insatiable Desires” in the second sentence of the introductory paragraph is broken. I don’t think the month and year are supposed to be in the target address.)

  2. September 17th, 2014 at 10:01 | #2

    @ Filthy Pazuzu Thanks for your comment. I agree completely!

    And thanks for letting me know about the link. I’m not even sure why that particular link is in there. Oops.

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