Home > No Stupid (Kink) Questions > No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 36 – Do doms and subs date?

No Stupid (Kink) Questions: Episode 36 – Do doms and subs date?

September 2nd, 2014

NoStupidKinkQuestionsGandhi said that if you want to change the world, you have to be the change you want to see. To that end, Insatiable Desire brings you No Stupid (Kink) Questions, a series of questions asked by novice kinksters around the web. If you have a question for us, leave it in comments, or send it to rayne (at) insatiabledesire (dot) com with “NS(K)Q” in the subject.

Question 36:

Do dominants and submissives go on dates?


So do tops and bottoms, and masters and slaves. In fact, M and I spent the entire weekend dating like high schoolers.

On Friday, we had a picnic dinner at Thacher park, which is where we plan to hold our vow renewal ceremony if we ever have the money to do it. There’s trails, and an amazing overlook that allows you to see all the way to Massachusetts on a clear day.

On Saturday, we visited the Berkshire Bird Paradise Sanctuary in Grafton. Zedd might be there. I need to get in touch with the group who took him in and see if they were able to rehabilitate him. A few years ago, an eagle was shot in Afghanistan, and they shipped the eagle to this place. The fella who runs it nursed him back to health, and he’s still there. After walking around awhile, we drove all the way to Saratoga Springs to have dinner at Boston Market, because that’s my favorite.

On Sunday, we were going to go hiking at Sanders Preserve, but as soon as we hit the road, it started raining. M offered to walk around the mall, even though we really weren’t interested in shopping. When we got there, we remembered there’s actually some movies out that we wanted to see, so we saw As Above, So Below. It was good. Then we went home and watched Oculus, The Possession of Michael King, The Sacrament, and Afflicted; also good movies.

On Monday, we headed out to Vischer Ferry, and walked down the pull path for the Old Erie Canal. Then we realized we were absolutely beat, so we came home and watched another movie (the name of which escapes me, right now) and ate pizza and wings.

Best three day weekend ever.

Of course, there are atypical places for tops and bottoms, doms and subs, and masters and slaves to go on dates, like fetish clubs and events. We, personally, don’t really do the whole public kink thing, so this isn’t a thing for us. Besides that, I can’t imagine playing (sex is one thing…kink is something entirely different) with someone on a first date, and if I was at a club or event, I’d feel obligated. But lots of other people don’t have this hang up.

Lots of people choose to do things like grabbing coffee, or having dinner at a nice restaurant until they’re more comfortable getting into the kinky side of BDSM dating. This is a good idea if you’re meeting the person (top or bottom) face to face for the first time and have no references for them.

All in all, dating is a huge part of relationship building and maintaining, whether or not your kinky. In a new relationship, it helps the couple get to know each other. In an established relationship, it helps them step outside of real life distractions (kids, family, job, etc.) for a little while.

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